A guest parody post from Muppet

We iz in the crisis now at Arsenal, innit.? Cos of the gaffer, the big chief Gazidis with ze wodge of dough, and Kroenke dat comes ere once in de blue moon. We iz the fans, and we iz not happy with ze proceedings this summer. We haz a million days to sort out ze transfers, and if u don’t mind me sayin, we ain’t done diddily squat. We iz clever, the fans. We know ze situation. What is a happenin here is crastination. We iz holding out for da big playa, but it ain’t a comin, like the rooney hair on da head. Capice ?
If u were a scholar of history, like I iz, u know that ze Godfather never negotiated. He just chopped off the horses head, innit? Ze arsenal board need ze wisdom of da fans. I will offer me advice at any time, me is so skilled that I won the village championship manager competition 2 years in da row. We iz able to impart carefully honed brinkmanship skills learned on the street corner, negotiating for da finest afghan snow
Ze position is simple. Spend da dough and match ze number of players going out with ze number of players comin in. At the moment, ze numbers no match. We ship Coqulein to GermanyLand and  Gervinho  for da nice break in Rome.  Almunia iz gone back to the circus. Now, me no good at arithmetic but that means we need 3 players already. Sanogo dont count cos he a injury no go.  So we iz of the opinion that we still need 5 players. Now, we all knowz that Brazil is the best club side in history innit ? So we need players like Maradona, Cyruff, Zidane, Moore and the like. I iz propose that ze photos of these players are circulated to ze scouts, so they can look for players who look like them around the world. Simples.
Me Dad always used to sayz ‘Look after pounds son, and that will look after the pennies’. We iz of the opinion that from the millions in da vault, we got a huge bounty man. We can go shopping in the arrods. But, John Cross, the tabloid geezer innit, says we are shopping in Lidl.
Me number  on ze waiting list is 993429034892384, but if we get a bad start, me threaten to pull out in protest.  Ze club will realise dwindling support and mebbe sign Scott Parker before deadline. Dat is my current preyer, dat Scott Parker comes to da rescue. Cos man, I already place order for multi pack pants at Next. The Jury is still out on everyone else man. We about as ready for da new season as a stiff in da morgue.
I heard the news that we play Fenerbache and I nearly shat ma pants. What hope do weze have with the trukish mafia involved?  Gazidis is a wallflower and we aint got any weapons. He ain’t no wartime consiglory.  Diaby, Arteta are in da coma and Ox is in da hospital.  Fook me. We iz going to need me supply of laxatives this season. We iz really pessimistic this season. Might borrow up and go abroad.
Seriously, innit? We got us as much chance as a hair on Ray Wilkins head. If ze board has listened to the fans after we went unbeaten the whole year, then none of dis would be happenin. A big stopper, an artic in front of the back 4 and a world class striker. This iz ze ope of the fans, but nobody iz listening. Piece. Woop Woop.

Muppet can be found on Twitter @MuppetGooner

Time for a bit of fight back I think. As no news of concrete signings have arrived, the mood has grown progressively worse. We knew that the atmosphere would be poisonous at the Emirates if we lost the Villa game, and our worst fears were confirmed with the chants of “spend the f*cking money”. Twitter erupted with rage after the game. Bloggers and tweeters who had been sitting on the fence were now coming out, openly vocal with dissatisfaction. Even some self-proclaimed Wenger supporters were shifting their position. The tensions beneath the surface had unleashed a volcano and we were now witnessing the pryoclastic flow. Absolute mayhem.
Many tweeters came forward, ridiculing the AKBs. Every accusation levelled at the club, the board, and particularly Gazidis and Wenger, was vindicated by this result, in their eyes. Depending on who you read, you get a particular crime read out on a charge sheet. The major crime, according to some well known bloggers, is “mismanagement”, for failing to secure transfers so far this summer. A whole list of people will tell you why. Wenger seeks value instead of just doing the business. We have the wrong targets. There are players, but Wenger is stubborn. The board screwed up over Suarez. Or ultimately, it’s the fault of Wenger because he is in “slow decline”. I smile ruefully at a lot of these because I have heard them all before, and they are sometimes part of a narrative. However, it is actually difficult to deny that we are not in the best position, as there are genuine squad places that do need to be filled. We are a centre back light. When we miss Arteta, like against Villa, we tend to struggle. The jury is still out on Giroud.
My view with a lot of these things, is are you interested in the micro or macro picture? Yes, you may argue that it all relates to the big picture, for if we fail now, in the 1st couple of weeks, to qualify for the CL, we lose at least £20 million in revenue and it will lessen the attractiveness of the club as a future destination for new players. So this amplifies the need for a stronger squad. It would be churlish of me to deny this. The theory goes that if we had got our ducks in a row in June/July, they would have bedded in, and we would be unleashing them in August/September. It is a compelling theory but it has a giant hole. It can only be translated into practice if you have very very deep pockets. The only club that can get business done this fast is City. Granted, occasional transfers are accomplished in June, a la Gervinho or Podolski, but we are looking at 4 to 5 squad places.
The word “failure” crops up repeatedly when talking about a summer transfer business. In a 60 mile tailback on my way to Cornwall, last week, in a nightmare 8 hour journey, I wondered who was to blame. Was it the transport department? Was it the motorists? Was it the Conservative governments from 1979-1991, who I still see as massive infrastructure vandals? Or is nobody really to blame? So in the case of transfers, who is to blame? And why? I argue that it is very difficult to know who is to blame without being in full possession of the facts. Let us assume that we have compiled a shortlist of around 4 to 5 targets for each squad place. Let us assume there are 4 squad places being filled, so that gives us around 20 targets maximum. Let us also assume that there is a budget, not necessarily rigid, but it does exist. Let us try now to compute the things that could go wrong.
Player doesn’t want to come to Arsenal – This is I believe is a widely under-estimated factor, and can happen, not just because they don’t see Arsenal as being an attractive option, but because they are not guaranteed a 1st team place. I have heard of 2 cases in the last 2 years where players  opted for other clubs for this reason, in Vertonghen and recently with Gustavo.
Selling club doesn’t want to sell – We don’t know if the selling club will sell.
We get into a bidding war – We may get into a bidding war with a club with bigger resources, a la Mata, which we immediately pull out of.
The price is simply not acceptable – The selling club or the player blows the budget.
I can hear the Piers Morgans of the world saying all this is nonsense and unacceptable, and that Dein would have done the deal. There are various counter arguments for all of the above, and the most common one is that the club has an ideological problem with value, or more accurately, Wenger has the problem. In order to rectify this, we should pay the premium, as that’s what clubs have to do to secure players. This is one of the most interesting arguments that I see made, genuinely. The proponents of this argument will tell you that the negotiating position of the club is such that we will haggle over a million, which will kill the deal. It is an emotional argument, as it fits the narrative that Wenger is the scrooge banker, omnipotent and infuriating. His intransigence is killing the club and these are actually simple deals that should have been done and dusted. I would have no problem in joining in the chorus of dissatisfaction if this was actually true. The problem is I don’t actually believe it is true. It is not because I am a dyed in the wall Wenger aficionado. It is not because my first instinct is to defend the club and/or Wenger. I don’t believe these arguments are true because such a philosophy would mean we wouldn’t be able to function in the market. It is a market, after all. The selling club has to be satisfied by the price. If nobody was ever satisfied, no players would have ever come to Arsenal. Selling clubs are not backward in coming forward and demanding more money,  certainly not this year. The other point is that I actually believe in Wenger’s valuations, particularly of english players. An eye watering £35m for Carroll? I am not dissing Carroll, but he is a case in point.
But there is a wider point here. What exactly is the expectation level? Most people say they want to “challenge”. Others say we must win the title. I think it’s important to examine the expectation level, because it’s here that I find the biggest delusion. Which is perverse, given that delusion is the accusation levelled at the AKBs. If the expectation level is to win the title, then those who believe we can do it by 4 good sigings are hopelessly deluded. If we believe the figures from Swiss Ramble, it looks like we have at least £100 million for transfers, and can afford the commensurate wages. Yes, the frustration of the summer is that we haven’t spent any of that money, but the wider point for me, is that even if we do spend it, what are people expecting? £100 million is chicken feed for City and Chelsea. They can spend that and more, and blow us out of the water on every deal where a mercenary comes sniffing. Jovetic, Hazard, Mata, YaYa Toure. Our financial position has not changed insofar as we can expect to challenge the top 6 (mainly) oil sheik and oligarch led clubs in europe. And if people believe we should be challenging them, it’s hard to see why, given our historical profile. We have never won the champions league, never dominated the domestic scene, never won back to back titles. Yes, it is fair to say we should challenge for the title, but the difficulty now is the context of the premier league. There are two clubs who are still making a mockery of FFP and the other who have built up an ethos and momentum that is very hard to stop.
Well, I can hear you rumble, if £100 million isn’t enough, we should have done the deal with Abu Dhabi and replaced the board, when they came in for us before City. Sure, that is an argument. I can imagine some people would be very happy indeed with that, as they would find that incoming players would neatly correlate with their game of championship manager, and they would spend countless hours working out the permutations of mercenaries who would grace the bench. The problem though with the Abu Dhabi project though is two-fold. Firstly they have had to spend a colossal sum for 2 meagre trophies so far, a return on investment at a cost of £1 billion per trophy, and they still haven’t reached the 2nd stage of the champions league. Secondly, that financial fair play may catch up with them. But if £100 million isn’t enough, then what do we do? Wait, I can hear the splutter.. it is enough.. we just need 3 or 4 players, and we will challenge. Surez, Cesar, Fellaini. Job done. Well – ok, if you believe that, then are you are going to give Wenger the credit for bringing together the existing 19/20 players (on a shoestring), that will form that challenge ? No. Thought not.
The problem is, and it’s existed all summer, and there are people saying Gazidis is to blame, is that the expectation is that we can spend big now, get the 3 or 4 players we need, and things will change. But my argument is that we should only think in terms of incremental change. We have seen the crazy valuations out there on the market. We know that selling clubs have a beaming smile on their face when they see us coming, or not, in the case of Suarez and Liverpool. We see how difficult it is to acquire players. We have succeeded in holding on to our best players for the first time in 5 years, so we move forward slowly. If you say that we should win the title, then that’s fine. Put the resources in place. Don’t say we can win the title with just £100 million, because that’s not enough. To put my head on the block, 3rd would be acceptable, 2nd good, and to get to the quarters of the CL. You may scream “no ambition”, but it’s difficult to see how else anything higher can be achieved.
My final point is that I find it incredible that people are willing to hang the club out to dry on so little evidence, and that Twitter and other like forums are to blame. We have situations like the Sahin transfer, which farcically show that this era can be like no other in history. As you may know, we were looking at Sahin, and we pulled out at the last minute. On Twitter, when Sahin’s name was mentioned, a load of gooner’s jumped on the bandwagon that this was a player that we desperately needed and “would improve” the squad. In hindsight, to use the vernacular, this was a “bullet dodged”. Which confirms that the whole Twitter led witch-hunt against the club, where someone decides that a player would “improve the” squad, followed by an inquisition against Wenger for not pursuing this player who would “improve” the squad, as actually being highly damaging, ultimately, to the club. Because a poisonous atmosphere builds up and then secretes onto the pitch, as it did on Saturday.
The only way to counter this is to put some faith into the club, and the coaching staff. I am not going to listen to the opinion of some spotty red bull infused teenager who watches clips of players on YouTube

By  @MuppetGooner

A few years ago I clambered aboard my trusty mountain bike and set off upon an epic journey. My plan was to cross the barren wastes of Dartmoor and then to negotiate the hills and valleys of Exmoor. I didn’t do this in order to raise money for charity nor to raise a laugh from passers by as they strolled alongside my sweating labouring hulking mass as I attempted another doomed assault on the 5mph barrier. I did it because I’d happened upon the concept of a channel to channel challenge whilst whiling away a wasted day on the internet and felt inexorably drawn to the neatness of the idea, the pleasing bookended symmetry of the thing fired up something in my synapses. My course began on the edge of the English Channel, on the Hoe in Plymouth to be precise, and ended a few saddle sore days later with a memorable helter skelter descent into the unfashionable West Somerset resort of Minehead, that fading jewel of a town nestling against the lapping muddy waters of the Bristol Channel. It wasn’t an enormous athletic achievement but I did it and didn’t get lost and at the end of it I took the steam train out of Minehead to the foot of the Quantock hills where I rewarded myself with another bike ride. But that’s a story for another day.
The whole thing engendered in me an interest in coast to coast escapades both great and small and through further research I discovered a little ritual in which walkers traversing the body of England like to partake. Say, for instance, you were going to hike from the Irish sea coast to a destination adjacent to the North Sea. What you would do is get right down onto the beach on the first day of your walk then select and trouser a pebble. Any pebble. Whichever might take your fancy. For reasons which will become apparent a particularly large pebble wouldn’t necessarily be a good idea and a tiny one that could get confused with your pocket fluff and loose change would be similarly unsuitable but for different reasons. Then you stride off, ruddy of cheek and berucksacked into the rising sun the reassuring lump in your trousers belying the presence of your chosen pebble. When at some point in the future you stagger sans rosy cheeks and with considerably reduced levels of enthusiasm onto the shore at the other side of the country you complete the ritual. Quite simply you take the pebble from the beach on the west coast and you fling it into the waters of the east. It’s a simple and symbolic thing to do and one I rather like. I dare say if too many people did it it would have a deleterious effect on coastal erosion but that needn’t concern us today.
Because today is of course the day of days. We along with the fans of all the other Premiership clubs are at that point where we are stooping on the first beach and selecting our pebbles. The pebble which hopefully ends up being flung into the net in the Champions League final. Football seasons are very much like coast to coast walks. The parallels are obvious but if I just leave you to think of them I’d be doing myself out of a blog so I shall elaborate upon my theme. We begin today with everything possible, everything in front of us and many miles to travel before the end. The end which seems so distant so fraught with potential pitfalls and yet bursting with possibilities. And one day we’ll suddenly find ourselves on the other coast. It will all be over for another season and we will be left scratching our heads and wondering where all the time went.
In recent times the first and last games have been for us the most important. The former where we start refreshed, renewed, virginal and pure and the latter where our efforts are ultimately measured, our rewards doled out. These two matches are of course not the be all and end all.  Just like the intrepid hikers on their coast to coast adventure it would be a hollow unsatisfactory affair to simply leap from one to the other. What defines a season isn’t necessarily the finishing positions nor the trophy haul, if it were then every team in the country bar a tiny few might just as well have not bothered lacing their boots. What makes the season is every twist and turn along the way. The journey is defined by every amazing comeback, every appalling refereeing performance, every outrage committed against us and every triumphant tackle, pass and goal that our side pulls off, makes and scores. It isn’t the arriving it isn’t even this wonderful, exciting, hope and expectation filled departure that will make 2013 -14. It’s the journey itself that matters. The fixture list is our map, our season’s route planner. There will be unexpected diversions as a result of cup replays, weather or the whims of the all powerful television executives, but wherever the journey takes us we shall go. We don’t really have a choice. Arsenal chose all of us at some point in our pasts and whither it leads we must follow. For me at my great age it was a dim and distant moment. The white sleeves? The cannon? Bob Wilson’s cap? I can’t remember what device our great club used to ensnare me for life but I know this: I’m bloody glad it did. The alternatives don’t bear too much close scrutiny – imagine looking in the mirror and seeing a Chelsea fan.
I don’t want to make predictions on the outcome of today’s encounter with the men from the Midlands. If you want that kind of baloney I can recommend a good fortune teller in Minehead. What I will say is that we are perfectly poised to make an impact on the title race this time around. We were by any measure the best team in the league for the second half of the last season, and remain unbeaten in, what is it? Ten? And let’s be perfectly frank the title was lost in the first half of 12/13 when too many new faces were being accommodated, too many important people becoming acclimatised to the premier league and to each other. They grew into a team in front of our eyes and by the end were  playing with an incredible spirit, a refusal to roll over which, if maintained, will make us a force to be reckoned with this time around. Not only are those new faces now fully bedded in and battle hardened but with Jack getting back to fitness, Aaron and Kos on an upward trajectory of form which if it continues will see some stratospheric performances, and, fingers crossed, TR7 available from the start the improvements in our prospects from this time last year are blindingly obvious to all but those who don’t want to see.
So come on, get your packs on, untwist and elongate those funny modern walking sticks, and pick up your pebble. We’ve got a bit of a hike ahead of us.

Its easy come on Arsenal spend some of that seventy to one hundred million pounds you have sitting in the bank, or is it?

Everybody and his dog are telling Arsenal they need a goalkeeper, a center back, a central defensive midfielder and a striker. Now lets look at our squad and in particular these positions.

Goalkeepers-Szczesny and Fabianski, it looks like Wenger likes Szczesny as our number one keeper for the season. What seems to be the problem is a strong number two to push Szczesny and to keep him on his toes. Now comes a phrase that I will probably use a lot in this piece, ‘if you was a’ goalkeeper especially in the year of a world cup would you move to a club to be a second choice goalkeeper and only guaranteed FA cup and League cup games?

Central Defenders-Per, Kos and Vermaelen, Per is (or was) captain for the game against Aston Villa in the absence of Arteta in midfield so it looks like he and Kos are our first choice central defensive partnership and with Vermaelen and Sagna being able to cover we are looking for a fourth choice center back to come in and again ,if you were a central defender would you be happy to come into Arsenal to be a bench warmer ?

Central Midfield-I don’t need to list our midfield for you as I am sure you can see where this is going but again if you were a central midfielder and you looked at Arsenals starting midfield would you want to come in and fight for a place or go to a team that you were guaranteed a starting place.

The only position I can say that a player will be able to walk in to the Arsenal starting eleven is as striker, but as we have seen this summer trying to get that striker is a problem do we take a bench warmer from Real Madrid for twelve million more than he was first quoted for or do we wait to see if the release clause in the Louis Suarez contract is real or not?

As last year showed with Jan Vertonghen last year showed players want to move to clubs that guarantee first team football and Arsenal can’t do that. Gustavo’s move to Wolfsburg is a prime example of this plus a wage of over one hundred and ten thousand a week.

Yes Arsenal has money to spend but to spend that you have to find the right players they have to suit the Wenger style of play, be able to fit into the squad but most importantly of all be happy unless you’re a striker to sit on the bench and wait for your turn because who are you going to get ahead of in the Arsenal team?

@Swales1968

Who’s next for Arsene Wenger?

In the third and final part of The Beck’s trilogy of posts, Arsenal’s most recent signings are revisited and the timely question raised: has Arsene lost the ability to sign players good enough for Arsenal Football Club?

In 2010, we signed Squillaci, Koscielny and Chamakh, as well as Miyachi, Wellington and Lehmann.

Squillaci looked more solid than Koscielny in the opening games of the 2010-11 season, but Koscielny has grown like a beanstalk and has shoulders the size of Mount Everest.  We now look at him with pride as he plays with heart and quality. Squillaci had 3 average seasons and didn’t manage to make a good partnership with any of his defensive colleagues.

Chamakh had a very good start to his career, but Robin came back from injury and made Chamakh’s career outlook quite bleak; he has never shown promise sufficient to return to the squad or the first team.

Miyachi was given out on loan and has come back looking bright and many are hopeful of good performances from the raw winger.

I’m not sure Wellington exists, but if we get to see him play, I’m told he has nice feet (people at the shoe shop love him).

In 2011, we had a quick dash at the last minute and Arsene opted for Santos, Mertesacker, Arteta, Jenkinson, Gervinho, Benayoun, Park, Eisfeld and a certain Thierry Henry (a further blast from the past).

We also gave Frimpong, Meade, Neita, Monteiro, Martinez, Hajrovic, Ebecilio, Rees, and Hayden chances to make the grade but only Martinez and Frimpong remains though Frimmy’s days now appear numbered.

Santos never was a solid left back for us.  He was an attacking alternative to Gibbs (who got injured a lot) and left a lot of space behind. He was never quite received in the same way after he ill-advisedly hugged van Persie and swapped shirts with him at half time during a key competitive game.

Park Chu Young, scored a goal for us versus Bolton and after that, well I don’t know if he continues to exists either.

Gervinho had erratic form but showed his true value in his second season following a good set of displays towards the end of the season.  He’s now left for Roma for a few million less than we bought him.

Jenkinson looked incredibly raw when first bought but has grown into a fine, attacking right back, though he probably has a few years to go before he truly learns it all.

Benayoun was for one year a great squad player, popular with the fans and crucially helped us get into the Champions League.

Arteta and Mertesacker have been revelations.  They’ve found themselves in positions where they are consistent and show the qualities they have of reading the game perfectly.

Eisfeld looks a quality player, but is very young and whilst I say he might need years to learn the other tricks of the trade, if the boss feels he is ready, he will be ready.  Same with the rest of them.

In summer 2012, we added Podolski, then Giroud, and finally Cazorla. This was followed by Monreal in January of 2013.  Monreal has proved to be a stable option at LB and much more so than poor old Santos.

Podolski appears to have had a decent season considering he was apparently carrying injuries for most of it.  He has a terrific left foot and whilst his movement didn’t seem great enough to play through the middle, it appears he is forging a brilliant partnership with Olivier Giroud.

Giroud could have scored a lot of goals in his first season. Like many strikers coming in and adapting to the league he had a decent tally but the second season is often where you see the development of a great striker in his mid-twenties. He has a great first touch touch and a  terrific finish.

Cazorla has been different class, a signing that just personifies Arsenal in so many ways.

In 2013, so far, we’ve only signed Sanogo, but I am 100% sure in a couple of weeks things will look very different …

The whole point in me writing this, was to show the thinking behind most of the moves at the time and how at the time they may have been the best option considering the budget and the availability.

I also wanted to showcase how many signings Arsene gets right because people often paint it as though he doesn’t get signings right anymore.  I think partly this is because good players get sold but people live with the idea that the sale somehow cancels out the fact that Arsene Wenger signed that player, made him world class and then was either forced to sell him or wanted to sell him because the club had moved on and he wanted to find the player and the club a solution.

It seemed only a few were not of the quality Arsene Wenger wanted.  The ones who were, stayed and many of them went on to develop and became world class. Those who did not, were either sold, or were loaned out. Our perception of events are often skewed by personal wants and needs and misunderstanding of causes in the past.

When I go through each of those signings, considering what our situation was (both in a sporting sense and financially), I find that Arsene got many right, that the ones he got right, made our club bigger and better and more financially stable. I find that the ones which he got wrong, whilst we were winning trophies, didn’t seem to matter as much.

Initially, I personally believed that between 2006 and 2011, Arsene’s Wenger’s ability to spot a signing had deteriorated. But looking at history, it appears that he’s always got most of them right, especially those he spent a considerable amount on. When you are financially restricted, either by your own club or by the market (or according to some observers, by yourself), you will find it hard to get the best players.

I think our way of self-sustaining, which led to us selling a whole starting 11 of key players of the last 8 years (especially from 2009 to 2012) with some not even reaching their prime under us, has had a devastating effect on the perception of supporters and the team itself.

I don’t believe he has lost his touch, certainly not based on the entire list I just went through.

I originally believed he had lost his touch prior to this research. But perhaps this is just a personal perception due to player sales and injuries. And most importantly, trophies.

Trophies tend to change your perception of a manager’s ability.

The scouting system has changed, we have more competitors and they’ve caught up with both our business and the business of other clubs. We’ve had competitors that make us seem financially poor, even though technically we’re not.

But despite all of this Arsene is still pulling the likes of Koscielny out of the bag, putting faith in the likes of Ramsey, and finding ways for old-timers like Rosicky to find rich veins of form. Mertesacker, who was often criticized for lacking pace, is now lauded for his tactical abilities, due to partnering him up with a fast recovering Frenchman.  And finding steals like Cazorla, even in 2012, when his normal price should have been around £30m – and perhaps even more considering this crazy summer.

Arsene is now in a position where he can buy more than one Reyes. He can buy 4 of him and he can afford that one or two might want to go back to Spain because they miss the weather.

I believe he will get even less wrong with more financial capabilities and we might see an Arsenal who has young players that are under less pressure and have great players to learn from.

The only way is forward so I have no idea why everyone is so nervous.

I’m not.

The Beck can be found on Twitter @The_Beck_

The Next Vieira?

The second of The Beck’s three-parter summarizing the current manager’s signings before asking in his third and final post: has Arsene still ‘got it’ when it comes to signing players good enough for Arsenal?

In 2005, as well as the January transfer window of 2006, we signed Diaby, Adebayor, Walcott, Vela, Song, Mannone, Hleb and Mart Poom and Fabrice Muamba, Bendtner, J-E-T, Gilbert, Simpson and Stokes graduated from the youth set up.

That summer saw us lose the talisman of the team, the captain Patrick Vieira, who had been reportedly if inexplicably longing for a move to Madrid for quite a while before his eventual departure to Juventus.

Many saw Diaby as Vieira’s replacement but when Diaby started playing on the left side of midfield and cutting inside, many believed he’d have a more attacking role. Diaby’s career has been all but ruined by injuries and only the boss will know when his time is up. In his time with us, he’s shown considerable quality and power. I consider him an asset, a great squad player and it seems other managers think he’s the first player on the French National team when fit.

Adebayor and Walcott were seen as eventual successors to Henry.  Adebayor left for Man City for an unbelievable sum after one great season and another one, average in hindsight (she can also not be a bitch).  Walcott is of course still with us, doing well and getting better.  Flamini performed admirably as a makeshift left back before being switched back to the midfield department, his partnership with Cesc successfully covering all bases but he never forgot that money is the most important thing in the world when leaving on a free to Milan (which I can imagine not many blame him for; there are numerous theories out there that make him look both favourable and unfavourable).

Hleb was quite the skilful player, his low centre of gravity helped him to produce wonders, but his low percentage in finishing disappointed. One that should also have stayed, but opted to play for Barcelona and wrote countless poems at night to Arsene, admitting that he’d made the biggest mistake of his life.

Song essentially did the same to us as Hleb and will probably regret it too. Vela has had an up and down start to his career due to loans but finally seems settled at Sociedad, though we’re all still in love with his dinky goals; maybe too in love.

Bendtner got more of a chance than Aliadiere to prove his worth after loan spells, but was destined to be the Danish bad boy and despite showing promise, is now only promising to annoy Arsenal fans more by running down his contract until he gets a better offer or a signing bonus with a new club.

The other youths from that year, as well as Poom, never really proved themselves at the club, even as we were competing for both the title and the top four spots.

In the summer of 2006, Arsene purchased Tomas Rosicky, as well as William Gallas in a swap deal with Ashley Cole and cash (in hindsight they got the better part of the deal; like I said, bitch). He also signed a young Denilson and loaned out Reyes to Madrid and in return got a man with a rib cage the size of an elephant – Julio Baptista.

Rosicky’s been hampered by injuries but he’s stuck around and the club stuck around him and in the latter years has been a great and experienced squad player, filled with quality, but possibly not the player he could have been.

Denilson had great qualities but was always mocked for being too simple in his play and his backwards/sideways passes.  He never had the imposing figure of Gilberto or Vieira (which counts a lot to fans, but perhaps not the manager).  He made a few personal errors and was never forgiven for them by the fans, nor, ultimately in this instance, the manager, it seems.

Gallas endured a solid spell at centre back but never seemed to get along with Toure and it all fell apart for him two years later at St Andrews.  I always thought him to be a good captain and a great player, but at the wrong club.  His winning mentality did not seem to mix well with the young players who still had some mistakes left in their system.

Baptista enjoyed a few days in the sun during the Carling Cup Campaign which led us to the final, but he never seemed agile enough to compete at the highest level and Arsene decided not to keep him after the season-long loan.

In 2007, we signed Diarra, Sagna, Eduardo, Fabianski and the world famous Pedro Botelho.

Diarra wanted first team action and with Flamini and Gilberto hogging the limelight, he became very impatient and left after feeling he was denied his ‘guaranteed’ starts.  After a solid spell at Portsmouth he transferred to Real Madrid and had a good few seasons there before almost retiring at Anzhi Makhachkala.

Sagna has been the most consistent right back we’ve had and has performed admirably throughout his time at the club. We may even be seeing a transition into centre ‘Bac’ (geddit?!), in order to lengthen his time at the club.

Eduardo was brilliant until his leg break, which I witnessed at St Andrews, in person.  It was horrible, just the worst thing. We Arsenal fans doubtless all retain the firm belief that the title was ours that year had it not been for that leg-break and, surprise, surprise, a few van Persie injuries.

Fabianski has shown classy qualities but also, in the past, seemed a tad error-prone.  At the age of 28, he should be reaching his prime for the club assuming a summer move away doesn’t tempt him ahead of a World Cup year.

Pedro Botelho is a myth.

In the 2008/09 season, we suffered a slow start and signed Arshavin in the 2009 January Transfer Window, he was our record signing and at the time of writing, still is.

We signed Silvestre who turned out to be a man ready with errors confusingly mixed with some solid displays.

Ramsey rejected United for us.  He suffered a nasty leg break at Stoke and after widespread abuse – largely from some of our own fans – has since turned it all around and now looks to be a Welsh Schweinsteiger.  Or just his own Aaron Ramsey.

Samir Nasri was a player that initially never looked like he wasn’t going to produce from his silky ball control but who eventually did before getting his head turned by City three years later after one good season. Samir is now looking for part-time work as a toilet salesman because it’s got to be better than sitting on that bench.

Bischoff doesn’t exist. He just doesn’t.

In 2008, Merida, Wilshere, Szczesny , Watt and Barazite were invited to have a look at the first team, but only Wilshere and Szczesny have made it and look to be consistent and great enough to hold a place in the Arsenal team.  It could be argued that Ramsey’s development has eclipsed Wilshere, but I’m sure Jack will catch up after a good pre-season under his belt. Szczesny seems to need good competition and will only grow to become a better keeper with experience and competition.

In 2009 we saw Vermaelen being the only major recruit. With Sulzeer coming back as a blast from the past and many young players being given the chance to shine. Vermaelen came out action-packed that season and offered so much promise, but after being made captain, has made many personal errors and despite his obvious quality, is yet to make it back into the starting line-up due to other players simply being better and more consistent.

The Beck can be located on Twitter @The_Beck_

Patrick who?

In the first of a 3-part post, The Beck starts on a whirlwind tour de force of all the club’s Wenger-era signings before, in part three, asking the ultimate question; has Arsene Wenger lost the ability to sign players good enough for Arsenal?

In 1996 the first thing Arsene did as manager was to buy Patrick Vieira. Remi Garde joined on the same day as Vieira and that following winter a young Nicholas Anelka was signed, and later the same year John Lukic followed. Anelka and Vieira both had incredibly successful spells at the club but Lukic didn’t get to play much in his second spell at the club due to Seaman’s outstanding form and Garde was essentially a squad player.

In 1997, Arsene ‘gambled’ with a lot of low-fee signings – Boa Morte, Upson, Petit, Overmars, Grimandi, Manninger, Caballero, Wreh and Mendez.  Most ended up being squad players with Overmars and Petit playing the most games out of those signings and, with contributions from Gilles Grimandi, had the greatest influence.

In 1998 it appeared at first that Arsene had ‘gambled’ again with Kanu, Diawara, Luzhny, Obinna and Ljungberg, along with Vivas and David Grondin, a young left back from Saint-Etienne that in the end only made one league appearance for Arsenal.  Of those, Kanu turned out to be one of the most technically beautiful players we’ve ever had, another long legged mack daddy. Luzhny had solid seasons at right-back and Vivas spent more of his career at Arsenal coming off the substitute bench than actually starting. Ljungberg was just sensational and as a Norwegian, you don’t find me often very fond of Swedes (I drive a Saab and have Swedish friends and love IKEA and it drives me insane).

In ‘99 Arsene signed Thierry Henry and the 31 year old Davor Suker, who had had a very good record at Real Madrid and an even better one at Sevilla before that.  Sylvinho was added and Ashley Cole was upgraded to the first team set up.  Stefan Malz, a young left back from TSV 1860 Munchen was also signed.  He ended up making 8 appearances and was never again knowingly considered for the first team. Suker only stayed for the season, making 22 league appearances, scoring 8 league goals and ending it on a sour note when he missed the penalty versus Galatasaray in the 2000 UEFA Cup Final.

Ashley Cole went on to become one of the best left-backs we’ve seen (which we should look back on with pride, but …).

Thierry Henry – well the less we say about him the better – I’m not allowed to get turned on whilst writing a blog (first rule of Beck blogging).

In the summer of 2000 Arsene made a mistake in buying Jeffers (hindsight, hindsight – is a real bitch), but at the time he was the next Michael Owen.  The £ mis-spent on Jeffers helps one begin to understand why Arsene has subsequently proved so reluctant to spend big on apparent English ‘hype’ over the years.

That same year we also signed three players we will never ever forget: Wiltord, Lauren and Pires.

Along with Stepanovs (who was signed to cover for an injured Tony Adams), we acquired Guy Demel who never really made it at Arsenal but who later carved out a good career at Dortmund, Hamburg and now West Ham.

In 2001, Arsene went transfer mad.  For the price of an average Ferrari he bought Kolo Toure.  On top of that £162,000, he also purchased Edú, Tavlaradisi, Inamoto, Juan and Giovanni van Bronckhorst.

We also purchased, Sulzeer (Sol) Campbell for free, from the club that claims they’re better than us every year and yet somehow contrive to finish below us.

Juan never really played the left wing back position for us (but had a decent career at Flamengo) because van Bronckhurst was a really good Sylvinho replacement and Cole was just growing into a world class left back. I still don’t know who Tavlaradisi is, even Wikipedia refuses to tell me but we all know Edú, despite not always being in the first XI.  He was an incredibly gifted midfielder and helped us win the double that year; who knows what a career he could have had if not for the horrific leg injury.

Inamoto and all the other youths at Arsenal hoping to start that year, such as Sidwell, Bentley, Ricketts, Thomas, Volz, Aliadiere, never quite made it. But it didn’t matter because we won the double.  Right?

In 2002, the only purchase I suppose many Arsenal supporters will want to remember well is Gilberto Silva. We signed Cygan from Lille and Warmuz from Lens.  Cygan became a decent squad player in the end, despite not being on the level of the other defenders.  Our squad was solid and although some might have called for more signings that year after just winning the title, Arsene went for low transfer expenditure that summer.

In 2003 Arsene went after Reyes and the fee at the time could have risen to £17m; at the age of 19 Reyes was a Spanish prodigy and we all expected huge things of him, partly because Arsene had by this stage raised our expectations by seemingly routinely turning players with potential into world class stars. Everyone saw that Reyes was special and he had a great touch and quality on the ball, but perhaps he missed that final hunger that does actually make you world class.

The other big summer signing of 2003 was Jens Lehmann.  He came in as an experienced goalkeeper from Dortmund and was an absolutely fantastic replacement for David Seaman.

Arsene signed a lot of youngsters that year – Clichy, Fabregas, Senderos and Karbassiyoon and upgraded a few from the Arsenal academy. Karbassiyoon had injuries and we nowadays see him all the time on Twitter, being the sociable scout he is. Cesc turned into Cesc and although they had personal errors in their games, both Senderos and especially Clichy, turned into quite decent players.  The former had all the qualities to become a world class centre back, but was perhaps too smart for his own good and not confident enough on the field, where it matters most.

In 2004 most of us weren’t ready from cleaning ourselves from all the orgasms we had from going unbeaten. This summer was different to other summers under Arsene as we made no high profile signing. (We don’t care right? We were winning, we trust/ed him).

But we HAD lost five big players in Bronckhorst, Kanu, Wiltord, Keown and Ray Parlou.  But both Parlour and Keown were ageing, especially Keown at 37. Bronckhorst’s departure to Barcelona (on a free) wasn’t the worst thing in the world because Ashley Cole was fantastic, and Gael Clichy wasn’t a terrible understudy.  Kanu and Wiltord were not seeing enough game time as Henry and Bergkamp had created a great partnership that year and decided to move on. With Reyes and a young van Persie, as well as a Bergkamp, it is understandable to see why we did not have any high profile signings at that time.

That season of 2004 we signed Eboue, Almunia, van Persie, and Flamini.  Lupoli was added for peanuts and a host of youth players were upgraded including Djourou, Larsson, Owusu-Abeyie, Connoly and Bradley.

Eboue turned out to be a great squad player but he never got rid of the personal errors in his game.

Van Persie turned out to be worthy of the Bergkamp tag at least until the promises of shiny tin cups and cash got to him. Now in the eyes of Arsenal fans he simply doesn’t exist.

(I decided this).

The Beck can be located on Twitter @The_Beck_

A post by Anthony Hawke from our friends over at OTBAG

Time flies by, and so it seems to have again. But you only feel that if you’re really having a good time or are really excited about what’s going on. Such has been the transfer period for Gooners all over the world, ever since we all first heard about Gonzalo Higuain as a probable Gunner next season. Twitter rumours even said that he was at London one fine day for a medical, only to be summoned back by new Real Madrid manager Carlo Ancelotti. Now, almost a month later, Higuain ended up joining Napoli instead, who were more than happy to meet the Galacticos’ transfer amount. Fans were already enraged as to why we did not pay so much money for a player who is world class, especially since we so publicly announced we have around 70 million pounds to spend. But just because you have money, you wouldn’t spend because somebody gets greedy. There are some morals to be upheld, to some, they just look at it like ego.

During this month though, we have also been linked with Rooney and Suarez. Rooney is on his second “I want to go” tantrum (remember the first one where he pledged his “loyalty” to United after they bent over and paid him 250k pounds a week?) but maybe this time it may not seem about the money. A certain Dutchman seems to have replaced him as the most valuable player in the squad and he has certainly taken over the shooting boots from Rooney. Currently though, it seems he prefers the blue side of London to the red. That leaves us looking at the next best option – Suarez. The moment this guy’s name popped up, everyone started asking “Why Suarez??” My question – “Why NOT Suarez?”

Let’s look at it in a systematic manner:-

1)    Arsenal are in need of a world class striker. Everyone agrees. Even non-Gooners have agreed to this statement ever since Henry left for Barcelona. So when the Summer break began, what did Ivan and Arsene do? Bid for a world class striker. Who? Higuain. Real got greedy, we said no, he went to Napoli. What did they do next? They said, let’s maybe have a backup plan and see who else we have as an option. Two names popped up in the world class criteria who are not exactly settled with their positions in their current teams – Rooney and Suarez.

2)    Fans have screamed out that we should try and get someone who is world class talent, proven and has Premier League experience so that he doesn’t take too long to settle to the Premier League grind. Rooney and Suarez are all that. But Rooney wants to go to Chelsea it seems and Suarez… well he currently doesn’t have any other takers even if Liverpool have offered him to clubs around Europe. And that, transfer-market-logically makes sense to us. If Liverpool don’t have any other takers currently, they cannot afford to extort exorbitant transfer money for him either. Suarez wants to leave then Liverpool would be wise to use common sense and take the money and invest in maybe 2 good strikers, rather than say no and end up not selling him at all and sit with a disgruntled player for a whole season (or 6 months minimum till the winter transfer window). Or Liverpool trust their attorneys very much so that they can stave off any lawsuits that Suarez might file against them, which he has done against former club Groningen to join Ajax, so he certainly may not hesitate to do it again.

3)    Fans would then ask about his on-field antics – the accusations of racism and known incidents of biting and a bit of unprofessionalism here and there. Let’s take it one by one – As far as racism goes, Arsenal have a very diverse list of players on their roster when it comes to racial backgrounds. What better way than to make him feel at home and also show him players from various communities and races can actually play football together? About biting well, let’s just hope our cafeteria has better food or maybe Wenger will ask him to chew gum while playing the game instead (a little inspiration from Sir Alex Ferguson perhaps). And about the professionalism… I think Steve Bould has that part covered.

4)    If you’re the fan who’s going to say “Okay, all that’s fine. But why Suarez? Why not someone else?” And I would respond again “Why NOT?” If you’re the type of fan who refers to a player’s ratings in EA Sports’ FIFA to decide whether a player is quality or not, or maybe you refer to the Premier League’s Fantasy Premier League valuation of a player to see if he’s top quality or not, then you wouldn’t exactly be disappointed. Suarez is amongst the top 5 strikers in the Premier League; the other four being Rooney, Aguero, Ba (debatable) and a Dutchman.

5)    If you’re the fan who says “Okay you’ve convinced me. But he still has about 6-7 matches to serve as part of his previous ban by the FA. So what about those matches?” Then I would ask you back if you’ve seen Giroud play in pre-season yet. Agreed, it’s just pre-season and the teams we’ve been playing are only International sides (right…) and Wenger’s former club who are at prime fitness since it’s mid season for them right now, it still doesn’t prove he can handle it, right? Well, I remember people questioning whether Giroud could even amass 15 goals in a season and he sure well did and got his assist count in the double figures too (too lazy to get the actual numbers but you get the drift). Who are these six teams anyway? Aston Villa, Fulham, Spurs, Sunderland, Stoke and Swansea. Neither of these teams are the type against whom we will be doomed if we didn’t have Suarez in the line-up. Besides, I am confident personally that this time we’re going to have a MUCH better start to the season because we will actually have ensured that the core of the group has stuck together for the first time in maybe 3 or 4 seasons which in itself is a great morale boost and a message to the world that perhaps it is time to stop thinking about Arsenal as a selling or feeder club anymore.

6)    If you’re the type who was already oogling over the prospect of Suarez joining us and if you like tactics and numbers and stuff like that, you’re next question – How does he fit into our system? Well, here’s my amateur take on it. Arsene has been widely and constantly criticized for not having a Plan B. He has stuck to his 4-5-1 or 4-3-3 for a while now and the option of including Suarez in the line-up gives him a Plan B of the traditional 4-4-2 as well. Let me try and give you an example of a scenario I’ve played over and over in my head. Szczesny takes a long goal kick, who’s there to head it down? Giroud of course! Who does he head it down to? Either Oxlade-Chamberlain to his left or Walcott to his right or right down the throat for Suarez. Suarez in my books is a bit more skillful and easily faster than Rooney. When you have speed down both flanks, you have a striker who can hold the ball or head it down to a team mate and then you have one hell of a lethal striker, I don’t see an attack being more formidable than that. Oh wait… there actually is a more lethal and formidable attack. Please add Santi Cazorla and Podolski to that list of people who have skill and long shots in them. Oh shit! How can I forget Rosicky then? And just to make sure we have the whole lot in, stuff in dribblers like Wilshere and Ramsey among them and what do you have? A shit scared opposition defense.

But wait. That still leaves approximately 30 million pounds in our transfer kitty (including what we’ve gained from sales). What do we do with that? Well, Suarez is only the hottest transfer gossip we have going in our direction right now but there are undoubtedly other things the club is working on in the background as well so let’s see how that develops. Add the right names to the list of players I just mentioned above, I don’t see anything other than extremely low self confidence and morale, injuries and suspensions denting our title challenge this coming season.

If you believe as I do that it is the intention of Arsene and the club to improve the first choice eleven then I suggest that is no easy job.

If any purchases have to be of a standard that displaces one of our current best eleven, then the pool of players that are available is quite small. Those players have to be of exceptional quality AND be for sale.

If we have learned anything from recent seasons it is that it’s incredibly difficult and expensive to prise a player from a reluctant seller. Cesc, Judas and Nasri all took an age before we finally ceded.

As far as I am aware, we know that a bid has been made for Suarez. Even then we only know because Liverpool chose to go public. Like it or not – and I do – Arsenal conduct their business in total secrecy.

We know nothing of bids or targets. Our “knowledge” is based purely on hearsay, ITK’s, Sky Sports News, TalkShite and the word of third-rate hacks.

In reality, we can not be said to have missed a target unless we aimed for it in the first place.

I think Marouane Fellaini has a release clause of £25 million, or there about. Now if he was seen as a priority I am sure we could have offered Everton that fee and met his wage demands.  If we haven’t, it’s either because we don’t want him, or another reason that we know nothing about.

Perhaps he wants to go to United? Or maybe we are looking at a better player. We just don’t know, do we?

I accept that there are many players who would improve the squad. But is that really what we are all hoping for ?

The melt down on twitter and blogs is quite frankly pathetic.

You might well think we had no good players at the club. We have players of the quality of Jack, AOC and Podolski who can not always command a First Team start.  For new players to improve our first team they not only have to be better than those three, but better than the first team incumbents keeping them out.

The simple reality is we have no choice but wait and trust the club. What else can we do? Bin bags on seats? Stickers on statues?  Stay away from the ground for the Emerates Cup? Boo and chant some childish drivel about spending f***ing money?

We will get who we get when – and if – the club do the deals.

Patience is not an option.  It’s a necessity.