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Arsenal Crisis

A guest parody post from Muppet

We iz in the crisis now at Arsenal, innit.? Cos of the gaffer, the big chief Gazidis with ze wodge of dough, and Kroenke dat comes ere once in de blue moon. We iz the fans, and we iz not happy with ze proceedings this summer. We haz a million days to sort out ze transfers, and if u don’t mind me sayin, we ain’t done diddily squat. We iz clever, the fans. We know ze situation. What is a happenin here is crastination. We iz holding out for da big playa, but it ain’t a comin, like the rooney hair on da head. Capice ?
If u were a scholar of history, like I iz, u know that ze Godfather never negotiated. He just chopped off the horses head, innit? Ze arsenal board need ze wisdom of da fans. I will offer me advice at any time, me is so skilled that I won the village championship manager competition 2 years in da row. We iz able to impart carefully honed brinkmanship skills learned on the street corner, negotiating for da finest afghan snow
Ze position is simple. Spend da dough and match ze number of players going out with ze number of players comin in. At the moment, ze numbers no match. We ship Coqulein to GermanyLand and  Gervinho  for da nice break in Rome.  Almunia iz gone back to the circus. Now, me no good at arithmetic but that means we need 3 players already. Sanogo dont count cos he a injury no go.  So we iz of the opinion that we still need 5 players. Now, we all knowz that Brazil is the best club side in history innit ? So we need players like Maradona, Cyruff, Zidane, Moore and the like. I iz propose that ze photos of these players are circulated to ze scouts, so they can look for players who look like them around the world. Simples.
Me Dad always used to sayz ‘Look after pounds son, and that will look after the pennies’. We iz of the opinion that from the millions in da vault, we got a huge bounty man. We can go shopping in the arrods. But, John Cross, the tabloid geezer innit, says we are shopping in Lidl.
Me number  on ze waiting list is 993429034892384, but if we get a bad start, me threaten to pull out in protest.  Ze club will realise dwindling support and mebbe sign Scott Parker before deadline. Dat is my current preyer, dat Scott Parker comes to da rescue. Cos man, I already place order for multi pack pants at Next. The Jury is still out on everyone else man. We about as ready for da new season as a stiff in da morgue.
I heard the news that we play Fenerbache and I nearly shat ma pants. What hope do weze have with the trukish mafia involved?  Gazidis is a wallflower and we aint got any weapons. He ain’t no wartime consiglory.  Diaby, Arteta are in da coma and Ox is in da hospital.  Fook me. We iz going to need me supply of laxatives this season. We iz really pessimistic this season. Might borrow up and go abroad.
Seriously, innit? We got us as much chance as a hair on Ray Wilkins head. If ze board has listened to the fans after we went unbeaten the whole year, then none of dis would be happenin. A big stopper, an artic in front of the back 4 and a world class striker. This iz ze ope of the fans, but nobody iz listening. Piece. Woop Woop.

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149 comments on “Arsenal Crisis

  1. TOMAS is one true leader. All game he was orchestrating the proceedings. The armband should logically go to him .
    Excellent result baby. Excellent.

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  2. a big fuck you to every moron who has moaned since saturday. UP THE ARSE to all bloggers and media who were waiting to twist the knife in.

    and all them people bigging up the chicken on the basketball..lets see them in 15 days time yes…where will they hide?

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  3. I’m purring

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  4. Gainsbourg69 August 21, 2013 at 10:17 pm

    havent you got tired of ridiculing them poor things…every year they bust our balls..and every year we slap them back to reality…have some sympathy ….

    this time i say we give them a 3 goal lead…. 🙂

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  5. hey goonerkam please go to that “cultured” place with the “cultured” fans and mock the shit out of them all..im following !!!

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  6. tell that blocked cannon dukey that sunshine is for positive people not for miserable bastards 🙂

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  7. Aaron. Ramsey. Will. Make. History. For Arsenal.

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  8. Hahaha. Poor old spudnik roster boys. If they lose to us after that much expenditure they might start protests to get levy fired. Now watch us sign some quality.

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  9. @Gains69
    Unfortunately, those people will get to celebrate with us. They’ll be on the open bus, still hating on Arsene and what our club stands for, but they won’t have the integrity to not celebrate the title they will probably hate us for winning.

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  10. I’m singing, I’m happy, I’m a little bit drunk. If Ramsey were here, I would hug that boy. This is the reward for supporting your team. All the time. No matter what. And Frank is here! As the boys say, I’m buzzing. And I’m going to use a smiley face. 🙂

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  11. Any news on KOSHER?? anyone.

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  12. Hahaha.
    Will do HUNTER. I bet they have changed their tune by now.

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  13. Super worried on KOSHER…

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  14. noooooooooooooo dotn let them change the tune! you and rejoice can have that lot for breakfast.

    i bet yogi is thinking of new ways to shed a negative light on our victory. talk about a 180 flip…like seals in the aqua parks….. 🙂

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  15. Evil August 21, 2013 at 10:26 pm

    and when we win the cups
    dont celebrate with us
    youve showed your colours
    theres no turning back

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  16. nah he is fine its just a cut in the head..legs are fine.

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  17. The squad seem to be more able to express their evident skill away ‘in Hell’ than at home. Wonder why? Think, think, think….

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  18. Sczez, Kieran, Per, Kos, Bacary, Tomas, Aaron, Jack, Santi, Theo, Olivier, Carl, Pods and Nacho were imperious tonight.

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  19. Frank August 21, 2013 at 10:44 pm

    but please frank….arsenal fans are just passionate about their club,,,thats why they abuse their club like spuds…..

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  20. Cowgirl from Birmingham on the Camargue, goonerkam. Villa supporter. Relationship ended on Saturday…violently. She sat on my face and wouldn’t let me watch the game. We haven’t spoken since.

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  21. They fuck off twenty minutes early by all accounts because they can’t contain their passion, hunter13.

    I fancy us for the league this year.

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  22. thats cause they are running to join the queue for a wenger autograph.

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  23. Hahahaha…probably true

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  24. ..or at least it will be come the end of the season

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  25. i have spotted two or three around me that if they dare celebrate i will turn and expose them ” werent you screaming like an ape in the villa game?” ….

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  26. Some of them might sneak through but some have exposed themselves horribly. That bloke Timothy Paytons for example.

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  27. That AST chap. Pay tons, pear shapes…something like that.

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  28. ah ok now i got it ! you mean that organisation of ex managers and footballers who have 248 champions medals combined…yes i know them….

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  29. That will be them.

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  30. Hahaha.
    Good to have you back sir. Giddy up cowboy.

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  31. Nice to be home, goonerkam. I think I might watch that game again in a minute.

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  32. Evening Frank. Sorry to hear about the relationship.

    On the other hand – The Arsenal are back!!

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  33. Agree with previous remark – some people have been HORRIBLY exposed.

    And we may not forget …

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  34. Enjoy mate. We deserve it.

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  35. hallo arsenal andrew !! that boy ramsey is shit isnt he? i fail to comprehend why wenger kept believing in him…..clearly a bad judge of player’s potential.

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  36. goonerkam im there ..just waiting for the comment traffic police to clear me… i thought they encouraged “debate”…. 🙂

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  37. Enjoy mate. We deserve it.
    Hay ANDREW. good to be vindicated . NO??

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  38. Evening, Andrew. Thankfully my seventh wife and I were on a break. But yes we have our Arsenal back and that is all that matters right now.

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  39. seventh? all i can think of is…..Respect!

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  40. It has not been easy, hunter13

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  41. Respect indeedee.

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  42. U
    2

    U2B

    U2B

    A

    Goonahhhh!

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  43. Giroud showing that Kosher is doing just fine.

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  44. Lol

    Giroud: Some news from Lolo… He’s ok no worries HE WILL BE BAAACK! 😜👍 #french warrior #kung-fu #stitches

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  45. What a beautiful day!
    Muppet does satire.
    Fener:0 Arsenal:3
    And Frank is back!
    Good things happen in 3s.

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  46. Can I just point out how fucking awesome sanga was as emergency CB?
    And Rambo is back! An amazing overall performance.
    Great shot, but if our keeper let that in, I’d kill him,

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  47. Oh cwap. That’s gona leave a scar.
    Thank you GAINS.
    DC
    see my earlier post on their goalkeeper. He is carrying a knee injury.

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  48. How’s that for a British spine. Not that I really care. COYG

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