So if you have clicked on this site because you want to be a “big twitter account” and influencer, I’m convinced I can give you the equation.
The problem is that if you understand the game, have strong opinions that are not popular opinions, are a logical and critical thinker or want to tweet about social/political/religious subjects, becoming a big account is likely beyond you. However, if you are none of these things, I’ll try to give you a lift.
Step one is very simple and almost fool proof. Follow thousands of other Arsenal twitter accounts. And I mean thousands, 20,000 or so as quickly as possible, usually 50% of these accounts will follow you back. Now don’t worry about the ridiculous amount of tweets on your time line, you don’t have to read them and you can gradually unfollow them as the months go by and thin them right down so latter on it looks like you have a great ratio of follows to followers. This is an important status symbol latter on.
Step 2. Is to either keep a list or have a separate account that follows all the other big accounts , the ITK and all the sports journalists that tweet about Arsenal. You will need these accounts so you can repeat what they are saying to give the impression that you are across everything. Don’t forget to rewrite the tweets slightly so you can deny tweet theft. Make sure you go in hard with any transfer speculation, no matter how unlikely, or even if you’ve just made it up, a good tip is to put these in quotation marks, then you can say it was someone else that said it. Also post pictures of world class players with “bring him to the carpet” or something similar, maybe along the lines of “Messi, Yes or no?”
Step 3. There will always be someone doing a twitter poll on just about everything, keep an eye on these and never ever ever tweet against popular opinion. If opinion is split, stay away from the subject until it’s clear which way the tide is flowing.
Step 4. Always be positive about “the club”. You can tear into unpopular players and the owners, in fact this will help, but be positive about “the club”. Don’t worry that you haven’t a clue what “the club” consists of because neither do the idiots that will follow you.
Step 5. Never be critical of any of the fans. Probably the only exception to this rule is if any fans have racially abused a player, but be careful even then as you are straying into dangerous waters that could lose you more followers than you gain.
Step 6. Always post a tweet celebrating the birthdays and the anniversary of the day that Henry, Bergkamp , Vieira and Pires signed with a comment about them being the greatest whatever position they played in or being the greatest PL player ever. Don’t forget Tony Adams and call him “Mr. Arsenal”, that always goes down well. Never forget to include pictures.
Step 7. Do not be critical of an Arsenal legend, no matter how stupid they have been about the club or current players.
Step 8. Taunt other clubs mercilessly. Obviously Spurs should be your main target, their trophy cabinet is a banker and if you can squeeze our Gold PL trophy all the better.
Step 9. Ignore any people that know what you are up to. Under no circumstances get into a debate/argument with these people, they will be a lot smarter than you and expose you as a fraud. There is no need anyway because loads of your idiot followers will jump to your defence.
Step 10. Your avatar. Keep it simple, the club badge or a photo of a club legend.
Step 11. Do not comment on any social, political or religious goings on. Make every single tweet about Arsenal.
So that’s about it. Follow these rules and in a year or two you will have 50k+ followers and can feel very good about yourself without actually thinking or having a worthwhile opinion about anything. If you don’t believe me, skip through the time line of a big account.
Good luck.
Pedantic George,
Positively Arsenal 
Excellent advice here George: I shall henceforth refrain from posting anything on Twitter that might upset any potential followers.
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Is that what you took from the post Tim?
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I think the classic example here is the fence splitting stillman who came on to these very pages like some smug idiot.
Well here we are. 8th x2.
Never mind the Football.
It is clear. the inability to call out those running the club and or the blaggers treating AW like a see you next Tuesday in the past can be seen for what it was, as those people have moved on from treating AW like shite to treating the club itself like shite whilst spending copious amount of someone’s wonga on shite who play two games and are never seen again you couldn’t make it up Willian FML: Gervinho didn’t die for this!
who could have predicted that the people who were critical of Arsenal for being unfriendly to agents would usher in such a stinking mess? The twats. Anyone it seems but someone who was desperate to be an Arsenal Vampire and up their own arse Arsenal blagger.
Mills: they don’t know Football. Any old punter down at Orient on a Saturday would have more interesting chat.
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100% spot on,although you have forgotten about the Arsenal divorcees George who use football to get thirsty blokes attention,totally undermining woman that do love and know about football by getting up to all sorts on The Twitter.
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Sounds like how i organised my twitter account!
Youre right to call it out George, and feel the way you do( you aint alone mate).Its all a bit bizarre to me (not that that means much) and Im not sure I understand it all, except it stinks of bullshit and seems to be part of the endless leeching the lifes blood out of the club? To me everyday the club lurches a bit more into the shallow swamp of botox-brained poop.
I suppose its like Shakey said: the cat shall mew and the dog have its day? Doesnt help much when youre gripped in frustration?
Youre right fins, and youve said it for years, they dont know football ( I merely quoted you). Odd thing is, my bro has a friend who supports the O’s and he was pretty into football and not the shenanigans that you, Mel and George have called out. It was always pretty good to have a chat with him about the game. So you were right again!
At least we are still here, and thats important. Keep on keepin on!
COYG!
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ps…whilst having a break I had a quick look at an older article ( see ‘shut up twitter managers’), some great comments by the old guard,(see LeoS amongst all the other diamonds) well worth looking over. Except you see that we have been swimming in the shallow bog for a long time now, and its manifestation is all around us.Bad assed poisoning. Big fkn laughs.
Oh well,through thick and very thin COYG!
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George: I was being a wee bit ironic. I wanted to post the quotation from Mark’s gospel ‘For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, but lose his soul?’ but also add the line from A Man for All Seasons ‘ “For Wales? Why Richard, it profit a man nothing to give his soul for the whole world … but for Wales!” and wonder about the reasons people might choose to pursue Arsenal Twitter fame.
But then I thought it a bit pretentious and worried it might lose me followers…
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On a slighty different tack, I’m interested in what Man City are doing with their pursuit of Kane and Grealish. It’s almost as if they are no longer just interested in being the best football team, but are now seeking to position themselves as the team of choice for the England fans.
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Spot on, can’t think of any other advice to add to that.
You could also call the title 10 ways to be an ARSENAL FRAUD.
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Sorry to sound so ignorant, but what is Twitter?
Is it something worthwhile, or just another opportunity for people to waste their time in the expectation that other people could care a tinker’s cuss about what you think or have to say?
Is it something that anyone with a modicum of common sense would really want to have anything to do with?
Surely, if so many people have nothing to do with their time, how about reading, exercise or knitting?
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Twitter is like the vessel with the pestle, or the chalice from the palace, the gitter on the shitter, speaking splatter like a twatter, but the matter of the shitter is sometimes the vessel that’s the pestle, that is pellet with the poison,not the pazzle with the dazzle,or the chuzzle with a muzzle, a flagon with the dragon,except some parts are a like a candle with the handle on the gateau from the chateau,or a log in the bog stinking like a hog,the Spud in the mud, the Wham that stinks of spam, which is never the brew that is true.
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I do not think that Danny Kaye could have said it better.
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And yet were it not for Twitter I would not have found myself here (no great loss as some would observe), would not have met some really great people both online and off, and would not have discovered some great books and music. If, as I have been, you are starved of adult company in non-working hours then it can be quite a help.
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FH-thats why I slipped this bit in:
“except some parts are a like a candle with the handle on the gateau from the chateau”,
It was the best I could do to say there are good elements lurking in the swamp. But Ive got rubber nerves and chicken wings and cant handle twitter, so it wasnt an unbiased comment on my part ( as normal). Must be good to have a chat with others who you like though.
COYG!
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so its being reported that Arsenal have offered LCFC around £50M plus any of Ainsley Maitland-Niles, Joe Willock, Eddie Nketiah and Reiss Nelson in talks for James Maddison.
it seems we rate each of them at around £20M to £25M
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some reports tonight that Arsenal have accepted a bid from Newcastle for Joe Willock, and that the lad is considering the move
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So much for all those bloggists who think that Arteta is interested in the young academy graduates.
It is one thing to be a mediocre team but to spend enormous amounts of money to do so is extraordinary.
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some media outlets in Sheffield claim Arsenal have opened talks with Sheffield Utd over a double swoop for Aaron Ramsdale and Sander Berge, with AFC offering £50M plus add ons
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jjgsol you will be told by these bloggers etc that Arteta gave them lots of chances but that they all lacked the required skillset to play for Arsenal
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if Man City sign both Grealish and Kane then they will have spent over £1Bn under Pep, but he aint a checkbook manager
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would say looking at our squad as things stand the most pressing need is a good back up goalie, as Runarsson does not look nearly good enough to play regular is anything was to happen Leno.
after that we really do need to bring in an attacking midfielder, we are down Odegaard from second half of last season.
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The goalkeeper issue is a real issue for a club like Arsenal – and even more so when a club like Arsenal has no European matches to play. No great problem to find a good first choice keeper: Leno may not be everyone’s cup of tea but he saves far more than he lets in. But should he get injured (and keepers are of necessity vulnerable) then the second choice has to be good enough – and good enough straight away. But to find one of that quality who is also prepared to settle for the reserve slot, and with no european matches to play in to sweeten that pill, is very difficult. One of Martinez and Leno was going to go once Martinez had proved he was real first team quality, and so it proved. And in real life it was probably a hard call for the club to make. Matt Ryan was a perfect number 2, but he didn’t want to hang around on the bench, so off to Spain he went, and as a free agent too I think.
I can understand the pursuit of Ramsdale: he wouldn’t necesssarily want to stay in the Championship and could see an obvious route to a starting spot given the time left on Leno’s contract. I have not seen him play so can’t comment on his ability but I see the logic of it.
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“saves more than he lets in ” is not a comprehensive endorsement of a number one keeper of a top PL club or any PL club for that matter.
Also saving shots is only part of a keepers CV catching, command of area and control of the players in front are all very important for a top keeper .
Unfortunately these skills are not top of Leno’s list.
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It’s not really enough just to say it’s a big season for MA. Eighteen months in, this is the point where we find out if we’re witnessing a rebuild and the start of a cycle or just stagnation and another sacking on the way.
We’ve got a contingent of players in their early and mid-20s who, in theory, should be acclimated to MA’s “style”. And, just by virtue of being a year older and closer to the average peak, they should be better than they were 12 months ago. Well that’s how it’s supposed to work, barring injury.
I think we’re definitely short a 10 and backup GK, but the modest turnover in personnel does, or would in most circumstances, augur well.
Expectations should be higher, no question. As well as more wins, I think at this point you can demand obvious cohesion on the pitch, breakout seasons for previously unheralded players and so on. I choose to be excited at the notion of all that, and try not to think about the equally probable alternative, especially with fans back in the stadium now.
Staying hopeful, I like Pepe and Chambers a lot and hope they can build on their promising back end to 20-21. Fair to say that the CF position might be up for grabs, in case one of our younger forwards has a great season out of nowhere.
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Man City have signed Jack Grealish on a six year deal for a fee reported to be £100M
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Eduardo, I would tell those bloggists that during Arteta’s 18 months, the young players like AMN, Willock and Nelson were hardly given a chance at all and yet we saw Partey play, what is 29 games and he hardly set the world alight, did he?
How many games did Pepe play and yet, as a winger, did he even take in a defender?
Did he even show to us that he was worth £27m let alone £72m?
What about Willian? He had plenty of opportunities to show his class and all he sowed is class Z.
So, should any bloggist try that one on, they will be shown to be ignorant.
The answer is simply that Arteta is not interested in the young players that he inherited.
Saka is an exception and ESR is an aberration that Arteta will remove as soon as he can.
He played him by accident and will marginalise him as time moves on.
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Still don’t get anyone liking Pepe as a footballer and although I like Callum he definitely isn’t a natural right back and often gets beaten for pace, however both are good squad players.
I believe we need hard workers to add to flair and that’s why I would rather see Pepe go than Joe.
I think it will difficult to get worse than eighth even if we really tried so although I can’t see us getting top four if we can’t get sixth then we would of failed in the league. Although winning a cup would hide this if we are truly looking for progress it should be league position we need to concentrate on this season.
This point of the season is the most positive for all fans so we will have to see how things turn out I sure we will know by ten games in.
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I thought Chambers had good spells in his last two runs at RCB, standing out with the two seniors on the wane. Unlucky not to have had a run there since the big injury, I agree keeping him as a RB doesn’t make sense to me he’s a good CB.
He’s also played at LB I think! As well as midfield so could play alongside White and if the club were sensible we’d probably see that as an option as Gabriel needs a few seasons yet IMO but as Ehab observed the club has been anything but well run.
Chronic lack of goals from midfield?
Premier league goal scoring record breaking (not even a striker but midfielder) young academy player on the books who could easily have a few seasons at a top level? If he’s sold that would be right up there with Martinez etc.
Fingers crossed the sanity that saw the club retain Xhaka is not a rare occurrence in this window.
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Looks like the City transfer rumours are true, Villa were making me nervous and if Levy is true to form he’ll leave Tottenham little time to find new players.
Deadline day in this window will have an impact on the league for now my best guess is that the odds on sixth have shortened. Everton under Benitez could be one obstacle.
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Mills
Thanks! That was a funny Orient coincidence.
The plundits talk about change for the sake of change as we see with coaches or players like Xhaka and we can understand why they do it but I don’t believe such an attitude is wise or relevant in sport or anything similar.
Good odds on Xhaka having a good season?
Football is constantly changing like everything else but you still need a decent midfield! It’s not rocket science you don’t need drones in training or on podcasts people don’t want to watch drones they want to see goals.
I hope Willock stays but it’s unlikely Arteta will play him at 8. Martinez is gone Nelson is going Nketiah might not make it but there’s still so much potential in the younger group. Ian is always right, ehab too, these young players are the club’s best bet.
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Drone racing is fun!
But it’s a different sport. Some would argue game and not a sport. Safe to say:
It’s not football!
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reports that Kolasinac and the club are in talks about cancelling his contract so he can sign for Fenerbache on a free transfer
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FT: Boreham Wood 4-0 Arsenal U23’s
Arsenal U23s v Boreham Wood: Ejeheri, Swanson, Ogungbo, Kirk, Rekik, Patino, Hutchinson, Azeez, Butler-Oyedeji, Cottrell, Taylor-Hart.
Subs: Graczyk, Monlouis, Lopez, Norton-Cuffy, Salah-Eddine, Henry-Francis, Ideho, Flores.
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WBA left Sam Johnstone out of their team tonight in their CC game as their is transfer interest in him from EPL clubs, including AFC
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The back slapping considerate open minded progressive balanced and yes kind Arsenal football blagger is still confused why a football club has chosen to hold on to it’s best midfielder/footballer.
Blimey.
The recent content from the Arsenal blaggers is priceless. A gift. Steve Coogan & Sacha Baron Cohen must be jealous. Haha!
We all need a chuckle after the last year and I for one am grateful. These leeching blaggers may preach change for the sake of change and a few clicks but: I hope they go nowhere for now people need some cheap laughs after all.
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Heady is our special guest on the UncensoredArsenal livestream in 4 fours. Tune in.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GJR24G319ic
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I wrote this once already and it went for Burton, so all apologies if it tuns up again.
Good to see a true gentleman like Tim on the Uncensored show. nice to hear a bit about your history with the Seaweed too, did you know Peter “he shot he scored his name was Peter Ward, Peter Ward”? It was sad when Michael Robinson died he was a great player, shame about 83 though, poor Gordon Smith : ” Smith must score! and Smith hasnt scored”…if only!
Hopefully you will be a regular on the show?
Cheers to George and Omi and Shotta for moderating and keeping the flow keepin’ on.
I thought the hour went quickly and I could have listened for longer as it seemed to touch on many important issues, re Wengs towering legacy that cast a shadow over all and seeing things as they are and not how they should be etc ( more like the pre Weng days! (imo).. when you just got on a dealt with it. Ironically it will be those who wanted him out that might not ever cope!
I feel worried we might even be lower than 8th..but we shall see.
Cheers again lads, and hope to see you on again Tim.
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We’ve checked-in with our medical team ahead of Sunday’s MIND Series friendly match with Tottenham Hotspur.
Thomas Partey
Right ankle. Thomas sustained an injury to ligaments in his right ankle during the friendly match against Chelsea last Sunday. Thomas continues to be assessed and is expected to be back in training in approximately three weeks.
Eddie Nketiah
Right ankle. Eddie sustained bruising to his right ankle during the friendly match against Chelsea last Sunday. Eddie continues to be assessed and is expected to be back in training in approximately four weeks.
Gabriel Magalhaes
Right knee. Gabriel sustained an injury to his right knee whilst with the Brazilian Olympic Squad. Gabriel is currently being assessed and is aiming to be back in training in the forthcoming weeks.
As part of Premier League protocol, all members of our first team squad and support staff continue to be regularly tested for COVID-19.
Copyright 2021 The Arsenal Football Club plc. Permission to use quotations from this article is granted subject to appropriate credit being given to http://www.arsenal.com as the source.
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Arsenal are being linked tonight with a move for Atletico Madrid’s England International Right Back Keiran Trippier. For a fee in the region of £34M, some suggestion that we might swap Hector Bellerin and some cash for Trippier. The former spurs defender turns 31 next month, for me even a fee of £20M for him would be poor business for us.
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We start our season away to Brentford on Friday, after we play our final pre season game tomorrow v Spurs. As things stand Partey, Gabriel and Nkeitah all out of both games and more. We have made 3 signings, a first choice CB, a CM that seems close to being a starter now Partey is out, and a back up left back. We are being linked heavily with Maddison and Ramsdale, and now with Trippier and Abrahams, would be very unexpected if we sign 5 senior English players in one window. But reports have resurfaced about the England FA looking to force through far stricter homegrown rules now that Brexit has happened. Some rumors that we could very quickly in the EPl go from having no more than 17 non homegrown players in a squad to having no less than 17 homegrown.
I reported it ages ago on here about being told that many members of the FA board seen Brexit as a way to get rid of the vast amount of non British or even non English players in the EPL and all the English leagues. Some were even said to want to eventually restrict the non British or non British isles players back to the 70’s. early 80’s quota of 2. Brexit means it can happen.
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I’m going to be off line for the next 6 days, so will hopefully be back on the net in time for Friday’s season opener v Brentford. Maybe by time I next log in Arsenal will have sold all their deadwood and bought all their super duper shiny new players. bye for now.
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Heres a trip down memory lane, Brian T working hard that day as he always did, Woodcock great skill, Charlie, Rix at lb, Tommy Caton, Paul Mariner already gone on to whatevers next, exciting commentary from Brian Moore.Forgotten players, Hill, Peter Nicholas, Chris Whyte ( I always felt sorry for him in that game against Walsall).
Great atmosphere. Hope you enjoy watching…
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They will be shooting the goose as the quality of the league would suffer. This whole thing about English players turning into good players just by playing is bollocks. At the moment they know just how good they have to be to play and some are breaking through all over the place if not here then in Germany etc.
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Thanks for the highlights.
Do we have anyone who can play like Woodcock and Charlie Nicholas?
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I think(or choose) that we do but its lurking in them and not being brought out?
Woodcock and Nicholas seemed to have a fire in them that wanted to attack without fear or playing it safe.
Its always difficult to see things as they were as highlights makes things seem very different to the full game.
I recall the utter frustration of people around that team/squad, many great players but didnt really pull much off ( semis etc that we didnt really have a chance of winning). But I sure liked all that squad and enjoy watching them, even if history gives them a bit of different perspective.
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I wonder how many fans are surprised that we lost again.
2 shots on target, one per half.
Inspiring stuff.
Brentford here we come.
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Gutted gutted gutted gutted…. just as I was coming round to try and get in line with Edu and Arteta they go and agree a fee with Newcastle for Joe they can just Fuck off.
For fucks please keep our ARSENAL boys I don’t want everyone else’s players I would rather have Joe than Messi because I support the whole of ARSENAL and not just the first eleven.
I really don’t fucking understand do Edu and Arteta honesty think they have a team that will challenge for the title. Joe is easily good enough to be top sixteen of a squad that is challenging for top six. That’s the reality we are not competing with the Manchester clubs Liverpool or Chelski, no we are competing with the spuds Villa Everton and Leeds and Leicester if we’re lucky for fucks sake get a fucking grip of reality Mikel and start promoting ARSENAL lads.
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Ian space.
I agree with you but the reality is that Arteta is simply not interested in the academy players.
He will get rid of them one by one.
Next to go will most probably be Nelson who was never given much of a chance by Arteta.
He would rather play pepe who never takes on the defenders, which Nelson does time and again.
Then it will be neketia and amn.
Arteta thinks he is still at man$ity where players are bought and not developed.
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I think that is very good news for Joe Willock but it must have been a hard decision for him to make. Far, far better to be welcomed as a star by a club who wants you, than to hang around hoping for scraps, battling for a spot that might never be yours.
Is it good news for The Arsenal. Well, I’m not so sure but it kind of highlights the in-between stage we are at: if we want to challenge for places at the top table then I can see how on paper you might think that you need better players than Willock. but I’m not sure there are many fully formed players out there who we could afford.
What I would love to see (and then understand) would be the metrics involved in rating and ranking players.
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Ian
The same cowards are making the same excuses for this rubbish same as they have done the last three years.
Like they celebrated the appointment of Raul when we all knew his record in the courts let alone with the club formerly known as Barcelona.
Yet for all their justifications which these see you next Tuesdays notably never gave for the greatest coach they ever saw when forced to sell players, these reprobates are so jaundiced or dishonest they won’t comment on where the Moolah is going: All Hale End or academy proceeds have been spunked on Pepe, Willian, Partey and now White.
Now I don’t want to run down Thomas who was not a key player for Atletico. But is he a better footballer then John Jenson? Not in the shooting department. Safe to say!
we rest our evidential objective case: the Arsenal blaggers know sweet FA about the Football. George Graham cannot be impressed for the opposite reasons for which we too are appalled.
Is it a takedown of a once great club?
Or just a casual fleecing Blackpool style?
The longer this continues the longer it will take the club to recover.
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