We go into the NLD full of fear and trepidation. Well I say “we” when I mean me. No change there then ! I go into every game in this state of mind. My positive nature is suspended as each match day approaches. I hope for the best and fear the worst.
Off the back of the spanking of our depleted troops by probably the best club team in the world the result and performance is anything but predictable. I can imagine just about any outcome. Anyone that thinks the result is a sure thing, does not understand the nature of football, let alone an individual match.
The greatest fear going the rounds seems to be Debuchy playing at Right-back. Once again we see a very good player, returning from two long term injuries, being written off by our knowledgeable ‘expert’ fans, just as Monreal and Sagna before him were. Not to mention Ramsey, Jack, Rosicky………….shall I go on ? It takes any player a run of games to get back to their level. How people don’t grasp this would surprise me, if those people didn’t have a history of gross stupidity.
The Debuchy problem,(if there is one) is exasperated by not having one of the six players that would be expected to play in front of him fit. For me that would be Ramsey, Welbeck, AOC, Theo, Jack and Rosicky, in that order. So I expect it will be Joel. He did well enough against Swansea, so we can but hope and wish him well.
There is a debate as to whether it will be Per or Gabriel partnering Laurent, personally I think it will,and should , be Per.
Due to the lack of options from the bench I feel we will have to win it in the first 60 minutes or so, as the last half hour could be a problem.
To many of our fans this is the single most important game, to not lose, that we will play in any year. Given our league position its a game we really really really want to win, regardless of the opposition. Going into the international break level on points with the league leaders, with a few of the short term injuries due back afterwards, will be a great way to do it.
All I know is that if Arsenal play at their best, they will win, so lets hope for that.
Right, enough of my incoherent ramblings, the NLD would not be the same (and my old mucker Mel would not lend me his Kirk Stevens white suit again) if we don’t have the masterpiece Frank wrote for us when we started up. Wherever you are Frank, we miss you and love you.
Today we revisit a classic tale where Frank looks back, more in sorrow than in anger, to re-tell a chilling tale of a long-lost summer of love, terrible betrayal and lots of super furry animals.
Today’s page turner …
I was mugged in Seven Sisters.
To be accurate I was attacked in Seven Sisters since nothing was stolen.
Cold bloodedly gratuitously attacked. A summer afternoon several decades ago spent with a friend and I was heading home to Tufnell Park. It was an early evening in July but I could hardly see as I turned into the tunnel heading for the tube, eating sausage and chips. Out of nowhere something hit me on the back of the head and just as I turned, a fist hit me in the mouth. I fell to the ground in a daze and the protagonists proceeded to kick the living shit out of me.
There was a lot a ‘fackin’ this’ and ‘kantin that’ as the boots went in and afterwards just the sound of nasal snickering. Before I passed out I caught a glimpse of two of them. One in white trousers and a bowler hat with ‘Tottenham Droogies’ written across the back. The other had calf-length faded jeans, docs, white tee shirt, braces …. and a tattoo on his forearm.
A tattoo of a cock and ball.
I must have been out for a while because when I woke up, the ends of the tunnel were dark. The reek of urine and unwashed bodies was only just bearable. I was surrounded by squashed chips and, nestling in the gutter by the wall with not a bite out of it, was my sausage. My head hurt like hell, split lip, bumps and bruises all over but I seemed to be OK.
I’d got away with it.
Could have been killed. Could have been maimed or paralyzed for life. Thankfully I had done what most blokes who are being kicked in the head do, I protected my privates. Death is preferable to castration.
I had survived.
Slowly I got up. I just wanted to get home. Brushed off the fag ends, chewing gum, dog shit. Stretched out my arms and then my legs, moved my head from side to side. Tested my aching bones. Nothing broken. Lets go home, Frank. Then someone behind me coughed.
I spun round afraid that they had come back to finish me off.
But there standing in front of me was the most beautiful girl I had ever seen. She had on an ankle length yellow dress and sandals. She had long, long tresses of red hair and her smile was extraordinary; it could fill a room, or, in this case, a tunnel. Her smell was intoxicating and as she touched my face with her hand I just knew that she was an angel.
I was dead and on my way to heaven.
She asked me if I was okay. She asked me if I was in pain. She asked if there was anything she could do for me … and before I could answer she passed me her guinea pig and started mopping my brow.
Guinea pig?
What the feck?
She gave me a guinea pig? Well yes she did. She handed me her guinea pig. Cleaned me up. Took her guinea pig back. Held my hand and took me to Tufnell Park.
That is how I met Maude.
Oh Maude, Maude, Maude – you were perfect. She took me home to my apartment and stayed for three weeks. What a three weeks!
Idyllic.
Walking on the Heath. Drinking in The Flask in Highgate. Strolling through Waterlow Park. Saying “hello” to Karl Marx. Wearing each others’ clothes.
Actually she wore mine, I didn’t wear hers, I really didn’t. Getting drunk together on Grand Marnier and sick together afterwards. Listening to a friend play folk songs outside the Admiral Mann. I even started to read poetry, although it didn’t last. Mostly though, we just made love. Anywhere and everywhere.
In that time I was treated to a parade of animals.
Guinea pigs, rats, hamsters, geckos, turtles, tortoises, parrots, budgies, kittens, puppies, fish, snakes, you name it.
Every day she would disappear for a few hours and return with different animals. Only on Sundays would she return without an animal and on Sunday evenings she was always very tired. The explanation turned out to be a bit crazy but I could deal with it. She let on that she was into animal liberation and spent much of her time nicking animals from pet shops and domestic animal stockists.
Her aim in life was to free them all.
Create an animal utopia where they could all live free from human bondage. How she managed to get plastic bags of tropical fish and a twelve foot python out of a shop without anyone noticing I have no idea. But she did it. Insane of course, and I loved her all the more for it. We were madly, stupidly, giddily happy.
Until that fateful day in early August.
So far we had lived in my flat. It was OK. But I was getting more and more curious. Where did she live? How long? What was it like? Was she sure that she was not using the animals as a cover for her sneaking back to a long time live-in partner or husband?
Joke, sort of. What was she hiding?
After much cajoling on my part she finally agreed that we could stay at her place. She lived in a flat on the first floor of a Victorian house on the A10 near to the junction with Clapton Common. She had been on her way home when she found me in the tunnel.
So off we went.
We spent a pleasant few hours in the Spaniards’ Inn and went to a party with friends in Stoke Newington. Caught a taxi to hers. Let ourselves in.
Her living room was full of no-longer-soon-to-be-pets.
It was smelly and it was noisy, but she cleared a space and we sat and drank tea and chatted amongst the boxes, cages, baskets and tanks. Finally we fell into bed exhausted. The following day was Monday and neither of us needed to get up early. We were very soon fast asleep in each others arms.
We awoke on Monday morning refreshed. She made cups of tea and brought them back to bed. Gradually we began to get interested, the way you do.
We kissed and cuddled …
Then Maude whispered that she would like to make love in daylight amongst the trees and birdsong. Her garden was beautiful at this time of year, she said. She asked me to open the curtains and open the window.
Oh yes, oh yes, oh yes.
About as excited as I have ever been in my life I leapt out of bed, hopped to the almost full-length sash window and threw open the red velvet curtains to let the sun in …
The No 149 bus route has been transporting the residents of that area to the City for many years and I believe that it still does to this day.
In the days of the old Routemasters, in the rush hour the bottom deck was crammed full of people, many standing and some dangling from the platform at the back. Upstairs was calmer and those fortunate enough to get a seat were able to read the paper or a book, do the crossword, do the Pools, knit, or in most cases just sit and watch the world go by. There are a number of points on that journey where the bus comes to a standstill for quite a while as the traffic gets well and truly jammed.
One particular point is just outside Maude’s flat.
The floor of the top deck on those buses is roughly about the level of the first floor of that particular block of houses, and the windows of the bus are about six feet from the residents’ windows. You can see awful lot from the top of that bus and on that day passengers had a real treat.
As the curtains opened they were greeted with … think of Leonardo’s Study of Human Proportions according to Vitruvius.
But weedier and in a state of arousal.
For my own part I just remember seeing an endless stream of tickets coming out of the Clippie’s machine and thinking thank goodness they can’t see my feet because I’ve still got my socks on. I turned to shout at Maude for setting me up, and as I did so I noticed something. Something very serious indeed. Something which caused me to shut out the embarrassment of the last few seconds completely. I couldn’t believe it. I froze. The blood drained from my face and obviously from other places.
The bottom fell completely out of my world.
In the lower right hand corner of the window was a sticker. Not a very big one, about the size of a bob-a-job sticker. But this particular sticker had a motif on it. A dreadful symbol.
A cock and ball.
We just hadn’t discussed football. People had the summer off in those days. No transfer activity. I turned to her and just shouted “TOTTENHAM” at her at the top of my voice. At first she completely misunderstood and she laughed and shouted: “YES. YOU TOO …?”.
But before she could finish, she realised.
It was probably me screaming “YOU ARE A FARKING SPUD” that gave it away. Her beautiful face contorted into an ugly grimace and in a vicious whisper she spat “Arsenal. You are a fecking Gunner? You bastard”.
I couldn’t stay.
I needed air. I grabbed my clothes, putting them on as I scrambled through the menagerie in the living room. I got to the front door and slammed it to, shutting out the cacophony behind me. I headed for a café on the corner of the block, ordered coffee and just sat in a window seat sipping and smoking. I half expected her to follow and to be honest I half hoped that she would.
But I realised it was over.
I could take the pet rustling and I could even take being humiliated in front of a bus full of people but I could not take the fact that she was a SPUD. That could never work.
But that was not quite the end of it.
As I sipped my third coffee, having smoked half a pack of cigarettes, two panda cars and a police van arrived at her flat. Maude was led out in handcuffs and for the next hour policemen loaded the back of the van with her contraband, Noah’s Ark fashion. I felt bad about that at the time as I watched her driven away in the back of the police car it seemed unjust that she should go down for stealing animals when she had such good if not misguided intentions. It turned out in court about six weeks later though, that every Sunday she ran a pet stall on Club Row.
She had been nicking pets and flogging them on. She also stole them to order.
I will always remember Maude though and if I ever meet her again, which is very unlikely, I know exactly what I will say to her……………
“CARMON ARSENAL CARMON ARSENAL CARMON ARSENAL
ARSENAL, ARSENAL, ARSENAL….ARSENAL, ARSENAL, ARSENAAAAL…ARSENAL, ARSENAL, ARSENAL….ARSENAL….ARSENAL”
Positively Arsenal 
The “dark side” of Darth Maureen and the shrouded Emperor Mendez?
You are a braver soul then me Ranty.
Aunty Bleeb were carrying an interview with their favourite Special Agent the other day. I noted. The timing might have been something to do with the club that had cycled a little bit of money through his ‘exchanges’ being three points of the relegation zone. Don’t you all agree?
Nice to see the Frenchies appreciating the greatest Alsation of our time. Certainly makes a contrast to the likes of Gary Linekar screeching “Au Revoir M.Wenger”* like some kind of jingoistic and xenophobic idiot who has lost all perspective and sense *coughs*
* Eddy, I don’t think anyone who reads these pages gives a flying football what they have to say about the Footy on that spoof of The Day Today (alan partridge scenes) otherwise known as MOTD.
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It’s a red & white letter day.
Come on you glorious Gunners.
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“Darth Maureen” –Fins that cracked me up!!!!Always love your posts here or at UA, Esp.when you come on to UA give the AAA a razzing and leave again!!
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Eddy, these comments below were far more interesting then anything anyone could see or hear on MOTD:
At random from:
@uberchelseaFC
STOP SAYING WE ARE BACK FFS! We are looking so vulnerable at the back because there is no pressure when they attack.. Just sitting back
(Think he’s talking to the Newscorp plundits here as they yet again describe their petro club alternative reality to their listeners and not the footy on the pitch).
If you can’t take it Diego, don’t give it out. Simple as.
(The PGMOB still allow him to Carry On. Yet another ban could happen! What are the odds Costa will be playing in Qatar next season?)
Think Hazard has watched to much of the Rugby World Cup
I bloody hate having Costa in our team this season. (Haha! “This season!”). He is a cheat. He is a liability. He is awful.
(What he’s trying to say is that he’d prefer to have Giroud in his team/squad).
Costa mate, you’re a bloody cheat. Should be ashamed of yourself. Get Remy on now
(Remy! IBSF).
Awful from Matic. Awful from Baba. Awful from Zouma. Awful from Azpi. Awful from Begovic
If we manage to scrape out a win today then we are right back on form. Players without a manager and they need to step up. It’s their time.
(No “winning mentality”? IBSF).
–
When that’s what a Chelsea fan sees, no different to what everyone else has been seeing on the pitch since last season, then it’s no wonder the desperate hacks and plundits on the Bleeb and on Newscorp have to “big up” the Mendezian Mule Diego the lesser Costa to such frequency and volume.
And that’s the reason why it was Arsene’s comments on Costa and his protection that really wound up The Specialist after the Chelsea-Arsenal game. As we can all see!
For posterity we should record that it was the diving of Hazard and the protection of Costa that Mourinho was trying to preserve during both his meltdowns this season, though I guess you could describe this season as one long meltdown precipitated by Arsenal’s super cup demolition of Mourinho’s team, a result of that Arshavin-esque finish from Oxlade chamberlain (who will be ending the season as he started it. Don’t you worry.).
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Perhaps Jose should just blame old Vlad (Putin) for the loss of A.Taylor’s favour in his next meeting with his owner. Heh.
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Thanks Mills, those are just expeditions, I’m trying to drag as many of you back here as I can!
–
It’s a good way to forget about derby day nerves reading about Chelsea but it’s not possible to do this all day long.
Especially when there’s a match on.
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Fins-well you certainly dragged me over here and Im grateful for that. To be honest Im surprised that more people dont come over, like Jambug or Boo or one or two of the others. Certainly some odd balls(weirdos) turn up at UA,hence me always enjoying you razzing them in your quick-fire style.
Anyway heres to the Guns blasting Citizen Kane and Country Chicken-heads.
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Ta fins, Mills, all.
I’m so excited. Theres over two hours to go. What’ll i do?
Chapter 2
“The objective qualities of José Mourinho the fish were not what lead Real Madrid to sign him in 2010. It was more that they considered him to be a magical, providential figure blessed with an unfathomable and mysterious wisdom”.
Sorry. Can’t help it.
Couldn’t help noticing our mate A. Taylor on the highlights. What’s he on?
Still, maybe some peeps have for the first time recognised how awful… Blah blah.
Ian Wrights face – when he’s trying to suppress giggles or mirth. He’s biting his lip. He puffing up his cheeks. He has to take off his glasses so viewers won’t see his eyes.
Was it my imagination, or was every match yesterday – Sh*t?
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Oh, and ta, edu, too.
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Jose M the “Coach” – not “fish”.
Having said that…
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De B. attempts to copy Alexis’ acute flicked goal against Utd, his chance against Villa is from the middle not in front of the post and he misses the open goal.
Come on Arsenal!
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Well done Villa, if you can’t out-football the opposition be lucky and cling on.
Sets the afternoon up very nicely
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Jose the fish lol
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Oh forgot to say, lovely post by George and also that story from Frank.
Hoping for a fair match from the officials. May the best team win.And since Arsenal is the best team…
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Fins:
It is shocking (is it really?) that the mainstream media has refused to highlight the overwhelming number of Mendes-Mules in Chelsea’s transfer portfolio. The Portugese super agent is the most powerful in football and Chelsea is amongst his biggest clients. Why? What precludes some investigative journalism? The threat of libel or lack of access to juicy transfer rumors? Whatever it is, something stinks and Diego Costa should look closer home rather than in the direction of Ryan Shawcross.
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30 minutes in and AFC have not had a shot at goal
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big mistake by koscielny trying to play offside, and kane gets in to score.
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COYG!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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should have been a penalty for foul on Giroud
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MUST THEY PASS TO THE BACK… VITAL QUESTION I KEEP ASKING
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couthino has leveled for LFC v CPFC
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HT: Arsenal 0-1 spurs
AFC have not had a shot in the first half, playing at a poor tempo, and Cazorla has been totally out of the game, need to get him involved if we are to get a comeback win.
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I thought I was watching a pre-season warm up game before Kane scored.
No pace, no tempo, no energy it seems. Has the beating by Bayern hit them so hard?
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And when you look at the bench, there’s not much pace there either.
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Looks like another moment for Mighty Mathieu.
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COYG!!
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CAN Campbell and Sanchez actually just pass
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Giroud with a great headed chance from a corner goes very close, really should have scored
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20 minutes left, really need to bring on some fresh legs, maybe Iwobi would give us more attacking option
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gibbs on for Campbell
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an awful performance so far from AFC, about 15 minutes left
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gettttttttttttttttttt iiinnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn tttttttttthhherrrrrrrrrreeee!!!!!
COYG!!!!!
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Gibbssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssss makes it 1-1 from a great Ozil assist,
I will admit that I was in the process of writing a few lines complaining that Arsenal had brought on Flamini, Gibbs and Arteta with us needing a goal, and not bringing on the one attacking sub we have on the bench.
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finally we have a spring in our step and are looking dangerous.
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Palace have taken the lead v LFC, Dann 82 minutes
come on Arsenal a win will make it a perfect day.
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3 minutes of stoppage time to be played. come on you gooners
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Campbell and Sanchez both guilty of holding on to the ball for too long and wanting a foul when it is taken of them! although there were some fouls the ref allowed them to get away with before he eventually brought out the cards
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FT: 1-1
AFC did not play well, were awful in first half, and dug out a draw in the end, had some chances to even win it.
getting something when not at your best, isn’t that the sign of champions. well it is when its anyone else that does it.
LFC lost too
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Bloody Chickens killed the game at the end. OG could have turned the game around earlier, but none the less, still neck and neck with Man C. —pretty nervy in the second half, but glad we soaked up the pressure.P.Cech great again! When this team is back up to full power…who knows what they can do?
COYG! FOYS!
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Frimpong:
https://mobile.twitter.com/IAMFRIMPONG26/status/663409634150084608/video/1
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12 games played, so almost 1/3 of the season played and we are level on pts with city at the top of the table. Last season we sat in 5th, and were 15pts off Chelsea on top, who by the way sit 15pts behind us now.
It was great to see Arteta back today, word is that Oxlade-Chamberlain and returend to light training, and that Ramsey and Bellerin could be back for our next game in two weeks time. With theo not far behind.
Ozil has been given this interlull off, and I really do hope that Cazorla has a minor knock that keeps him out of the Spain squad, as he looks completely out of it in the last few games, a rest would do him good.
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Rantetta thanks for that post, I know Frimpong can be a bit of a clown but I really don’t know why so many AFC fans direct so much hate at him.
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Well I see the glass half-full.
AFC was not at its best but we gutted it out and drew against a very lively, energetic Spurs. The stats showed we dominated possession, 55%, despite all the pressure the Spuds threw at us. and we created enough chances to win the games. For Oliver “Larry” Giroud to miss three headers on goal is a minor miracle especially #2 and #3.
The team looked tired and the international break could not have come at a better time. Hopefully we will come back refreshed and resume our march to the title..
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Henry and Souness saying Flamini was the catalyst for Arsenal’s improved second half, that his desire and battling qualities turned the game back in Arsenal’s favor.
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afcstuff @afcstuff 8m8 minutes ago
7 of today’s 9 chances were created by Mesut Özil.
Paddy @VieiraPaddy 15m15 minutes ago
So Özil has 1 goal and 10 assists in 11 Premier league games. Not bad for a flop.
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JDL @JakLew89 29m29 minutes ago
Alli gave the ball away more than any other player, no chances created, fewest tackles won of any midfielder.
MOTM apparently.
but he is English
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talk to the hand
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A fair result in the end considering the players looked mentally and physically jaded, especially first half, a proper Bayern hangover. Thankfully they dug in second half to get something out of the game. If he was sharper OG could have scored his first AFC hat trick today. I’ll settle for the point and hope for no more injuries in the internationals, and that some of our wounded soldiers return to active duty. Come on you Gunners!
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