I have a confession to make. It’s an embarrassing one and I hesitate before the court of public opinion. Perhaps I should delay the awkward moment when I must unbosom myself of my misdeed. Instead allow me to furnish you with a little background to the story. Yes I think that might be helpful.
For the first two matches of this European campaign I have taken out my diary and struck a thick red line through the to do list, banished my family, told the dogs to expect an early walk and settled in to watch the match with no more than the merest whiff of guilt at my selfishness and lackadaisical approach to my responsibilities. Now I know what you’re thinking. Stew, given the way results have gone in the opening games, whatever it is you have planned for tonight just go ahead and do it, foolish little superstitious muggins’s that you are.
Now, generally, it must be said that my to do list makes for pretty sparse reading and most days of the week my absence from the outside world goes unremarked. This time however as with the last game I actually have something to cancel. You see, every Tuesday evening I like to sit in a small room and talk to myself, occasionally playing a little music by way of a diversion, a sort of entertaining punctuation to my meaningless verbal meanderings.
Sounds fun doesn’t it? It is actually the realisation of a boyhood dream. From an early age I used to lie beneath my bed covers tuning, as Elvis Costello would say, the late night dial, listening to the hit parade through the static and whirring of the medium wave band. Once I’d been given my own record player and started spending my pocket money in Dave Parson’s Record Shop I would alternate between strumming along on the strings of a tennis racket in front of the mirror and introducing the singles to no one in particular. I wanted to be first and foremost a rock musician and secondly a radio DJ.
The wheel turned, the days flew from the calendar, the months grew into years and now, at last, on one evening every week I get to live the dream. Or at least one of the dreams. And you know what? I’ve discovered that actually presenting a radio show and just pretending so to do in the privacy of one’s bedroom is precisely the same thing. You sit in a room, on your own and say ‘this is Sweet and their latest hit single Blockbuster’, you turn up the volume, keep time with a pencil tapped lightly on your teeth until the record stops and then you repeat the process with Gary Glitter’s Do You Wanna Touch Me. Simple.
So I have a straightforward choice: do I cancel my radio show letting down an adoring public, possibly shattering the dreams of a small transistor wielding boy, gripping his equipment furtively beneath a malodorous duvet, thereby potentially robbing the nation of a future star of the wireless, or do I soldier on in the certain knowledge that no bugger will be listening anyway as there is a football match on the telly?
I fear this narrative train has now arrived at my Waterloo. It’s confession time folks. Here goes: I very nearly decided to miss the match and go to the radio station as normal, on the grounds of nothing more than a superstition that maybe if I did the fates would conspire against me and I would miss a famous victory. Me. Mr rational. Mr que sera, take it as it comes, what will be will be, there is no fate, no higher power and nothing I think or do will make a jot of difference to the success or failure of my team. That man attempted to appease the fates and alter the future. I must be losing my grip. After all if there were any potency in the kind of superstitious rituals indulged in by fans and players of both sides then both sides would win. Every time. Which is of course impossible.
Yet I allowed myself, for what I would like to describe as a fleeting moment but what was actually an embarrassingly long one, to toy with the idea that I might influence a football match taking place in London by not watching it in Midsomer Norton. Honestly, what is this madness? I wonder sometimes if I haven’t let this whole Arsenal thing go a little too far.
So, let me allow reason to return to its throne. Acting with logical common sense I should cancel my show and watch the match, right? Because it’s important that I watch it isn’t it? More important than fulfilling my childhood dreams. More important than honouring my responsibilities to the station and its listeners. After all imagine what might happen if I don’t watch! Oh bloody hell. I’m damned if I do and I’m damned if I don’t. It’s not as if it’s a cup final or anything is it? Nothing will be decided tonight whatever the result. If the very worst was to happen we’d still have a shot of getting into the Europa League with the chance of beating Spurs in the final, and wouldn’t that be fun?
In any event I decided long ago that I’d had enough of superstitious rituals. It was the day Arsène finally lost a match against our North London rivals, the same day I had dropped and smashed my ‘lucky’ Arsenal mug just before kick off. So now, in order to best influence the outcome of any given match I stick religiously to my principle of not indulging in any superstitions at all. It usually works, but sometimes doesn’t.
Whether I watch it or not tonight’s match is an intriguing encounter. There would have been enormous pressure and scrutiny on Arsenal regardless of the preceding results but having been on the receiving end of two shock score lines already the players know they are treading a treacherous path. Walking blindfold over one of those rope bridges strung high above a rock strewn canyon with several of the wooden slats removed springs readily to mind. One false step will be one too many. Can they get across to the other side? A win tonight would certainly get them a bit farther over. It would provide a much needed fillip for their confidence. Let’s face it we know they have the ability, it is self belief that must have taken a hammering after the earlier upsets. We should perhaps consider the words of the poet Tennyson who tells us
“men may rise on stepping-stones
Of their dead selves to higher things”
and I don’t think I could have phrased it any better myself. Quite a lad with the old quill and parchment, that Tennyson.
Looking at it positively if we triumph over Bayern and assume both Olympiacos and the junkies of Zagreb fail to do so then we will have regained a little of the lost ground. We know we can beat them, we’ve done it before. We then need to exact our revenge on the other two and see what they can do against each other – let’s face it they can’t both win those games can they? The group could yet be tighter than many people think but it all starts tonight. I don’t want to consider defeat. It just doesn’t feel right to be contemplating disaster so early in the season. Especially not a season in which we have looked so good, the squad so strong. Of course if the worst should happen it will make no difference whatsoever to how I feel about the manager or the players, it will have been just a big dip in the ride and I know there will be plenty of dizzy highs still to come.
As ever all we can do is strap ourselves in and pray the engineers have tightened all the right bolts. This could yet prove to be one of the most exciting parts of the ride any of us have ever experienced. Will I be there to watch it? Or will I be sat on my own in a small room dropping the needle onto a spinning 45 and saying to, almost certainly myself, ‘that was 48 Crash by Suzi Quatro, now hold on tight to your belt buckles, here comes Mud with their big hit single, yes, it’s Tiger Feet’
Positively Arsenal 
Steww’s digest. Brilliant!
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Always good to get these things out in the open Steww!
As one who can remember my nine year-old self climbing our garden’s highest apple tree in search of an outlawed Radio Caroline signal so weak it was more static than Staus Quo, my own love affair with the aural medium has been a patchy affair, at best.
I can truthfully say that Steww’s weekly two-hour broadcast The Slow And Dirty Show on http://www.somervalleyfm.co.uk is the first radio show to successfully recreate the almost illicit sense of wonder and excitement first experienced up that apple tree all those years ago!
Yes, there IS a game on tonight but I’ve lost count of the matches I’ve watched on a Tuesday with the telly on mute and Steww’s anarchic presentation of the musically splendid booming out from 8pm. And very grateful I have been to be spared the inane commentary of each season’s latest Michael Owen droning on and on about the patently obvious. (On an Arsenal night I listen on catch-up, it’s true!).
And on to tonight – with a fair wind and a decent crowd I’m pumping for a 2-1 to the Arsenal. We have momentum, motivation and desire.
But if it goes badly wrong I may just press the mute button …
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My oh my, you never disappoint, Steww.
You weren’t on your own with your DJ dream. I too had that dream and even lived it for awhile, what with trips to Reading with my ancient gear, then 10 minutes at Radio London in the 80’s, followed by some regular presenting at a station in NY (90’s), though that was only for about 18 months. So I entirely “get it”.
I’m so pleased you mentioned your ‘air tennis racquet’ phase, but it brought up a dilemma: I’ve got an MP3 thingy which is loaded with all kinds of music – Miles, Dizzy, 70’s & 80’s singles inc. Disco, and… Gary Glitter!
The problem is – on the rare occasions I drive, I still like to have the music on loud. I don’t know what’s coming next. Inevitably, “rock and roll – argh” comes on, or “Johnny Reggae”. When this happens my smug inner happiness (at driving along to the beat, or more likely, sitting in heavy traffic imagining the annoyance of driver in the car beside me) turns to uber-angst, and the volume has to be turned down sharpish.
‘Not so smug now are you – noisy bastard’, I end up thinking to myself.
So thanks a bunch for reminding me of that. Tut. But really, when it comes to those tunes one loves when growing up, isn’t it a shame that the memories are tainted by news that has since emerged about the artists, or is that just me.
(I have a friend who used to dance on table tops as a teen, and wear his own glitter uniform).
Then there’s your own dilemma – to DJ tonight or not to DJ tonight. I don’t know what to say. On Saturday I watched the 1st half against Watford then had tolerable to go to a family do. As wonderful as the do was, I had to avoid heating any scores as I knew I’d watch the 2nd half on the ArsPlayer. All this and I had an Ars fan sitting next to me.
Of course, it all worked out very well, but my thoughts weren’t exactly magnanimous throughout the auspicious occasion that was my sisters wedding anniversary.
Then there’s the superstition thing. You had to go there, didn’t you! I’d like to think I don’t do that crap, but I’m afraid to wear my Arsenal shirt while the match is on TV. Now that is absolute bolux. Apart from that I’d like to think I’m completely sane?
Whether you spin the CD’s or watch the match live – have a good one.
Ta for another super and heartfelt article. I can now write today’s To Do list.
COYG
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I’ve always had a love affair with the radio,for my generation-London in the early to mid 80s was about the pirate stations broadcasting soul,hip hop,reggae & house from some high rise on a sink estate,the police hated them because sometimes they’d be radioing for back up during a robbery and Gregory Issacs or Archie Bell & The Drells would be swooning back at them. As for tonight’s game,obviously I’d love us to win,I hope we play our best 11 and give it a right go,COYG!
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The dilemma of a man with a burgeoning creative media empire, all tentacles, spectacles, wallet and keys.
Great stuff Stew, Luxemburg, Caroline and little Nicky Horne – we shall not see their like again.
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I nthought today would be the day when you all told me to shut up and talk about the football so I love the responses so far. Gregory issacs? Going on the playlist.
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Seems I am walking in Steww’s shoes. Stopped wearing my Arsenal hat or shirt during games. Never seem to work. Always some disaster when I do and eventually the paraphernalia became a huge psychological weight as if I am bearing millenniums of superstition and ignorance. Stripped to my underwear, propped in my sofa, that is the way to go. Come On You Gunners!
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Hat, shirt, if one doesn’t work switch to the other!
If the opponents score and the Murdoch murder merchants are doing the commentary I can only give myself the deserved fourty lashings before hitting the mute button. If the Arsenal score and the commentary is blissfully in another language or coming from Nigel Winterburn then I can enjoy their enjoyment. And that’s how it works!
(I’ll admit i was tempted to try and re-watch the Utd game in order to listen to G.Neville’s and his co-commentator’s pain. But alas I didn’t have the time. I can save that pleasure for a rainy day)
Lucky underpants? Probably best if I stop now…
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…on the football Young Pep hasn’t got any dumb excuses to drop Muller at the moment, like last time, so that’s a real shame.
I am curious about the line up tonight for lots of reasons. Walcott and Giroud have had some joy as a combo against many of these Munchen defenders. Chamberlain had a fun game against them from midfield. Even if the same eleven starts from the weekend there are still exciting potentially game changing options available off the bench.
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Little Nicky Horne?
Pre-punk John Peel and Boring Bob – that’s my era. Barclay James Harvest, Black Sabbath, Curved Air. Weeley 1971.
Thank God that’s all over.
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Although 1971 was a pretty good year AFC-wise too.
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Wat a phenomenal read!! Cheers steww
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The u19’s are two up against Munchen. Iwobi with two strikes to entertain those lucky enough to be out and about watching the football on this beautiful autumn day.
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Right I am on my way
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I think I’ll stay here , I seem to cause quite a stir on twitter.
Stew has a calming influence on me.
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Just sit cross legged on the cushion and say ‘om’, George.
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Poor George. He wasn’t born in North London. Unlike the real London fans, he has no right to judge whether Arsenal has always been a big club. He really needs a pair of Highbury blinkers to get with the program. No wonder he is in trouble with the WOBs on Twitter.
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Iwobi’s opener for the u19’s
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bril Steww, although remember the next two games are bonus games as there are various scenarios for us to qualify without beating bm.
we can qualify with as little as 6 points so if you wanted to not put yourself through the ringer dont worry we’ve got plenty of time. congrats to the youth lads 3 wins out of 3 without hald their side brilliant. COYG
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well my only Arsenal euro game related radio story is in 1980, me having to bring my radio out to the garden to try and get a reception from BBC Radio 5’s coverage of Juventus v Arsenal in the second leg of the Cup Winners Cup semi final – Here in Ireland it is still at times hard to get reception from BBC Radio, so you can imagine how poor it was 35 years ago.
Reception was almost non-existent and now and again I could make out the score update, and when Vassen scored the goal, I thought it was Juve who had scored as I could not make out or recognise the name they had said and it was not till they said the Juve fans were now trying to set fire to the small pocket of Arsenal fans that I dared to think Arsenal had scored.
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Daniel Cowan @thedanielcowan 20h20 hours ago
Why do people say “2 trophies in 10 years” rather than 2 in 2, 4 in 12 or 7 in 14?
You don’t say “only 13 titles in 129 years”. Pricks.
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Found a German TV station discussing the match – fascinating to try to work out what they think our strengths are. It seems to be our speed on the counter, Mesut’s passing and Alexis’ finishing. But they might just as easily have been discussing the price of the pies.
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Well I understood the score predictions from the Deutsche pundits. 1 – 2, 1 – 2, 1 – 3. They are pretty confident.
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End to end start. Cech to Neuer, Neuer to Cech.
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Jake Cohen @JakeFCohen 3h3 hours ago
Going back to pre-Abramovich era, wage bill growth % since 2002/03
MCFC: 554%
CFC: 357%
AFC: 315%
LFC: 267%
THFC: 264%
MUFC: 254%
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almost 20 minutes gone and arsenal finding it tough to string a few passes together. BM playing very well
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We’re sitting off looking to play on the counter. My German commentators are scared of Theo’s pace.
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ref buying into some Vidal play acting. Doesn’t blow till we had a clear advantage
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Starting to force some mistakes
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How the hell did that not go in??
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If Theo got the slightest of angles on that header … if only…
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Arsenal getting some decent chances now
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Alexis lethal in attack but I don’t like seeing him on the ball in our half!
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Our tactics are clear. let them pass it about in front of us then hit hard and hit fast when we win it back.
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Who is this Costa chap? Looks like a decent player.
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Both keepers playing well and responsible for keeping it nil nil but we definitely closed them out more effectively as the half went on.
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Mood in the stadium ok – no one has experimented with plastic bag over head yet
Bit of moaning when we hold our lines and allow the Germans to play in front of us – clambered back into the game – bit of the 2nd half vim required
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would like to see Theo just power some shots, his shots so far a more like back passes.
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At 5p a bag though I could be sitting on a fortune here come 10.00
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No one else heard of the Costa fellow either then? I thought I was the only one who didn’t know non Arsenal players.
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Costa played for Shakhtar Donetsk for 5 seasons before joining Munich in the summer
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shit Ramsey is injured, seems to have pulled something, maybe hamstring
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oxlade-chamberlain on for Ramsey
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Oh no. Not Aaron again. Bloody hell that lad gets no luck whatsoever.
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OX needs to defend better than he’s ever done now. Still, we’ll have a little more fizz on the counter.
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thats twice now that Alexis has presented BM with a scoring chance
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Like I said give Alexis the ball but only in their half. Oh my beating heart!
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seemingly Alonso is one of those players who can not be booked no matter how many fouls he commits
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Hattrick of headed hopportunities for Theo.
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