January 2014. Or as it will henceforth be known, Transfer Window: Round Two. Like all sequels it will no doubt promise to be bigger and better than ever but leave us all with an overwhelming sense of disappointment, akin to that of spending the night with James ‘Raul’ Stokes.  Matches and results become meaningless as increasingly frenetic Gooners crave news & whispers of who may potentially join the club or was once spotted in a red top age 4 that was the same shade as that years Arsenal kit. And therein lays the problem. During this period the object of fans desire is transfer news, therefore meaning an increase in the number of articles and blogs about transfers as writers seek to boost views and circulation of their efforts. This in turn leads to more people becoming occupied and so on and so forth. And if you’ve spotted the irony in that this is essentially a transfer piece and I am actually one of those bastard bloggers, -well done.

This segment is dedicated to the Twitter Halfwit Brigade.

We are currently top of the league and after examining our upcoming fixtures, you would expect us to stay there for the foreseeable future. Any points gathered though will be completely insignificant because rumour has it that the player you liked and were convinced would sign for us is now being linked with someone else after his agent was spotted having coffee with someone that looked suspiciously like a girl another teams manager had a one night stand with 6 months ago. This of course means that he will be signing elsewhere instead of suggesting that she might just be a bit dirty. How dare the club ignore your suggestions, I mean come on, this guy scored 47 goals in the Belgian second division playing as an auxiliary inverted defensive pivot master. Arsene has thrown your advice away like a pile of Zimbabwean dollars and spat in your face. The Prick.

Time and time again Arsene has chosen to betray you. He ignored your advice about how Giroud was just too  handsome to play football effectively and look at him now. Crocked after only 18 injury free months. Disregarded was your comment about Mertesacker being too slow to function sufficiently in this league. Arsenal might have the best defensive record in the league but what about the previous years, uh? Scorned was your remark about Ramsey being “shit”. Might be the best midfielder in the league at present but couldn’t even score a hat-trick against his old club, could he? As for Flamini? You said his hard-working craft is merely a fool’s substitute for brains. A two-footed challenge on Danny Rose doesn’t change that.

You know better than Arsene of course. You have the benefit of Twitter, a multitude of blogs and your trusty Squawka app full of stats about passing accuracy and distance covered. Obviously you know who is better out of Arteta and Flamini. It is apparent to you where Cazorlas best position is. You know what it takes to make Mesut hot. And even more glaring is that you know what signings we should make. Your internet searches and YouTube compilations far outweigh the research the club do. After all they only check the player’s background, medical history, family medical history, attitude, professionalism, upbringing, performances, integration ability, current contract, contract bonuses and duration, signing on fees, agent fees and image rights amongst other things.

We have a month of articles titled “Who Arsenal Should Buy” and “Why Haven’t Arsenal Signed This Wonderkid” to put up with. There will be a few out there who try to maintain a sense of normality amongst the absurdity of the situation. Not many but a few. They are of course doomed to fail, with as much chance of success as me in a fight against the Klitschko twins after I’ve goosed their wives. It should of course be noted that there is a difference between voicing the opinion that a player would improve our team and voicing the opinion that we must sign such player. Messi would undeniably improve our team but I’m not suggesting we sell off Giroud’s organs so we could scrape together money to bid for him.

To survive this month I suggest smashing all internet enabled devices in your home. Don’t even bother finishing this article, do it now! You didn’t do it if reading this, ahh well I tried to help. Next burn any tabloid filth that enters your abode. Instantly punch any of your Gooner friends who start a sentence, “I heard Arsenal is in for…”  Avoid any TV channel that uses the phrase “Our Sources”. Since it’s still horrible outside buy the Breaking Bad box-sets to occupy your time. Buy any box-set really to fill the hours, except the 2^nd Season of Homeland because that’s a pile of piss. Watch True Grit and then send me a transcript of what Jeff Bridges says in that irritating cowboy accent. If that doesn’t work then a revolver and cyanide cake is the only way to go. Good luck and May the Gods have mercy on your souls.

I’ve been and remain Dyllan Munro who can be found at goonertastic.com and on Twitter @goonerdyllan although most of my time in there is spent inventively insulting Stooookes. Thank you for reading and thanks to George for allowing this mediocre effort on his site.

I could only watch about 15 minutes of the first half. I found a steam with french commentary. Besides the beautiful way in which they pronounce the names of our players, it is so enjoyable to watch a game where the commentator describes each move with an enthusiasm that rubs off on you. I admit that when I joined the match, I searched for Bendtner among our players. Wenger had instead gone with Podolski and Walcott alternating at the centre-forward role. He would have had his reasons.

Arsenal were camped in Cardiff’s half for the entirety of the match. The only change was that, at halftime we moved our tents to the other half of the pitch. Cardiff decided to do a Chelsea and parked their less expensive double-decker right in front of their goal. I don’t think our fans or players begrudge Cardiff for parking the bus. They defended well, crowded us out and more importantly didn’t kick the shit out of us. Also, you didn’t want to punch their caretaker manager.

This was a challenge. Even though the goal was scored in the end, Arsenal kept trying right from minute one to last. In the first half, Arsenal tried various tricks to get around Cardiff’s defense. A delicious long ball from Wilshere to Walcott almost did just that. Cazorla wriggled and wriggled around the penalty box trying to feed a player or find room to shoot. Towards the end of the half, the ball fell to Podolski but he was quickly herded out before he could improvise a shot or feed a free Cazorla. Arteta and Flamini guarded the defense against counter attacks. Cardiff’s outlets were closely patrolled by Arsenal’s defense and the ball was regularly won in the halfway line.

The second half saw Arsenal increase the tempo. Like those “defend your fort” games, the waves of Arsenal attacks increased in speed, intensity and frequency. Enter game changers Rosicky and Bendtner. Rosicky shifted Arsenal up a gear and to the horror of Cardiff’s defense started playing telepathic one-twos with Cazorla. Bendtner slotted in well into the centre-forward role. From two corners, in the space of a few minutes, Mertesacker had opportunities to put us in front. Painfully for the current Mr. Arsenal, the balls went wide. The second one might have been covered by the player at the post.

As the clock started creeping towards the end, Arsenal did not panic and kept a determined focus to win the game. At the 88th minute, the video of my stream froze, but the sound was still streaming. The unmistakable crescendo and peak of the french commentator’s voice drowned out by the eruption at Emirates meant that a goal had been scored. Replays showed that Monreal’s cross was hit like a bullet by Sagna, parried by the keeper and slotted into the roof of the net, intelligently by Bendtner. Bendtner was injured in the aftermath when the keeper fell and twisted on his ankle. As the Arsenal players (with the exception of Mertesacker, who was busy roaring like a bear) piled on Bendtner, it became clear that he was in some pain. It was the sad part of the evening. Lets hope he recovers quickly. We need him. It was nice to see the Arsenal fans applaud him off the pitch and him to acknowledge that.

Now, Cardiff decided to attack to try and get a goal back. Arsenal concentrated, won the ball back and made a few more attacks. In one such attack, deep in injury time, Master of pre-assists, Rosicky while being chased by a few players, fed Wilshere who in turn nonchalantly and almost arrogantly fed Walcott. We all know what happens when Walcott is through on goal.

A good win for Arsenal.

Today’s post was by our own Sensational Arsenal.

A guest post from our very own Hunter13

The last piece of the jigsaw ..?

We have a beautiful football club. The set up, the organisation and the ethos.  All wonderful.

We also have a very good team, nice lads generally speaking, willing and committed.

We started the season in very difficult circumstances. Crowd booing plus a highly important 180 minutes which was worth £30 million +.

However, this team had already shown significant progress since last Feb-Mar. The word in the summer was about strengthening with top-top quality. The positions were identified as striker and defensive midfielder. That’s exactly what Arsene went for – Luis, Higuain, Cabaye, Flamini.  He also knows what is needed, strangely enough ….

When our midfield flows we are devastating. Without a 30-goal hitman it’s natural to seek your goals from midfielders. But when they press us and the midfield don’t have the ‘flow’, that is where you either need a Suarez to clinically kill the opposition, or mean wingers with pace and dribbling ability who can go directly and diagonally inside the opponent’s box.  In the past we had Overmars, Ljunberg, Reyes and Pires to do just that.

We had a tough period with many key players out including Theo, Poldi, and Ox, (even Ryo was unavailable), so we played with three and four CAMs all interchanging behind the target-man, but usually without width and mostly playing through the middle or beating high-line offside traps (Napoli, Marseile) usually from Sagna’s side of the pitch.

And it’s worth saying that Sagna has been a monster of a right-back this season.

Besides losing so many key players for half a season, we also had dear Santi recovering from ankle injury and it took him a while to re-settle into the side with the pace and the physicality of the English game.

So we went on with heroic Ramsey and Giroud plus flashes of brilliance from Ozil and, throughout, ‘imPERious’ defensive stability.  And the system worked.

Lately though, and taking into account fatigue, the system couldn’t produce goals. Our midfield was pressured and kicked to death and we’d either not score or score from a player’s solo effort – against Chelsea, City, and our first against West Ham, for example.

There has also been a slight confusion in terms of which games we play Arteta and in which we play Flamini. In games were we need to dominate and kick a few backsides, as well as suffocate opponents, I think the services of Flamini Rosicky and Jack are required. In games were we need a more sophisticated, composed approach we need Arteta. Against Everton for instance, we needed Flamini and Rosicky from the start, but they had played against Napoli.  Same goes for the Chelsea home game.  Flamini should have been in there to kick Ramires and Obi.  Arteta is a very delicate technical artist, not ideal to be a bully or a Gatusso.  His talents are more suited for Europe provided he remembers that in Europe you have to be careful with your fouls, unlike the EPL.

I’m of the opinion that Wenger can see his team struggling to score when midfield isn’t firing and that he will go for a clinical finisher now that his wingers are back.  I love Giroud to bits and his goal at Newcastle was both important and very difficult  to score, but the way he plays (chasing every ball)  he will inevitably suffer fatigue and potentially a lack of confidence.

Manager and club need to assist Giroud in this department.  Giroud is a great target-man.  A lad who can get you 15 goals a season and when in form has good finishing ability, too.  And whether the ball is low or high (feet or head) his abilities are unquestionable but he is no Thierry Henry to take the ball, go past two and slide it past the keeper.  There will be games when our negated midfield will need such a striker.  Wenger might think that since he got 30 goals out of Adebayor anyone can play up top since we create so many scoring opportunities for our striker.  But to win the big ones you need something else – va-va-voom.

Philosophically, perhaps, he is aiming for this group to do it as it currently is.  But realistically, for that to happen we need things to go our way.  If the board view this season as an opportunity to stake a claim of dominance, then they must authorise Wenger to spend what he wants, on whoever he wants.

I believe!

2013-2014 is for ARSENAL

Still winning the battles …

That was painful.

Horrible.

Poor football.

Oh,and one of the best wins I have ever seen.

It was a war. Problem was that only one team had a license for violence.

As Gainsbourg69 said “I believe Tiote needs to slap a Lino in the face in order to get booked.”

Unbelievable, and I do mean UNBELIEVABLE.

Foul after foul after foul. Not just niggly break up play rotational fouls, oh no, nasty break you ankle fouls.

We started like a runaway train and finished like a broken down milk cart.

Some of the boys were so below par they would struggle to make the Spurs team.

Some others were so good they would have displaced an Invincible.

Top of the league at the half way point. Wowser !!!

A special mention in dispatches for Little Mozart . What a guy.

Imagine Arsene Wenger going five at the back for the last 15 minutes. A man with no tactical nous and fixed thinking. Bouldy must have come up with that ? (What he did it against Tottenham you say ? Oh ok )

Ar-sen-al the greatest team the world has ever seen ,And its Ar-sen-al ……….

I could not be happier.

Happy New Year you wonderful lot XXXXX

P.S.  Here is what ZimPaul thought,a little bonus report ,if you like.

“We won, we won, we won, won, won, with a delicately deft and some would say a sublimely cheeky whisper of a softly-softly change of direction header from His Humbleness, Olivier G. Goal-scoring drought? That was some goal, a goal worthy of a good match, only a little piece of genius would break the deadlock.

Excellent sustained Newcastle effort all night by the way, some fine and composed players in their ranks, they are quite superior to Man United. Well done to them for making such a good match. One might say even-stevens, although I felt we were slightly ahead, a touch more dangerous through the middle, a tad less threatened by their bombardments and forays into our box. Jack lacks usual sharpness, but I think the issue is a little deeper, he’s in a transition period as a young player, finding his-self.

Lovely team stuff from our lads, no stand out player, except perhaps Tomas, but team passing and pressing was sharp, incisive and kept a confident Newcastle (7 wins in 9)on their toes. We played slightly within ourselves, and Newcastle defended very well.”

So today is a “must win” game in what is an endless list of “must win” games, only one of which we have won. Not sure where that leaves us?

Newcastle are on a great run of form and we are in the middle of a crisis.  So how the bookies have us at evens is anyone’s guess.

Aaron is injured (due to Arsene’s stupidity, I’m reliably informed) so that leaves a slot in the middle for Jack, Santi, Tomas or Flamini.  The lack of choices is terrifying.

Everyone is in the red zone and should be rested.

Laurent might be fit and the skipper might be dropped.

Given that we had some 70% possession against West Ham everyone should be fine to play again.  Or not?

If Newcastle come at us I think we will win, if they sit back I think we will win.

In fact , I just think we will win and reach the halfway point, having played no one, on top of the stack.

Poor old Arsene must be at his wits end trying to take on board all of the advice he gets from experts like me.  I don’t know how he manages to sleep at night.

I just hope we are not 4 – 0 up at half-time and the Referee decides to make a game of it.

Up the Arse.

A guest post from The Beck

Dear friends, strangers and haters.

For me, everything is about perspective, I judge people by it, I live by it and I let the perspective of others teach me as much as I can in life.

I’ve been using social media long enough and I have to be honest with you, I still don’t understand people’s logic when it comes to tweeting overly critical things about Arsenal, especially whilst watching them.

Some games…..we’ll barely reach the 30 minutes mark before some wise ass tells you how shit we’ve been and how *Giroud isn’t good enough for Arsenal* and then collectively begin talking about who we should buy in January, knowing exactly what price and what player, or at least pretending to.

The fucking disrespect these Twitter managers show to the players that are already here, playing for the shirt every week, especially when we’re top of the league.

Fans online find it hard to separate their instant emotion from the game, and the reactionary approach which fills them with the need to be a Twitter manager, an analyst, a fitness coach all in one, whilst the game is on.

It results in a lot of disrespectful tweets about the club, the manager and so on.

According to many Twitter managers, players can’t go off form, can’t get tired and cannot have bad patches without being directly replaced. And if a player isn’t replaced when a Twitter manager says so, then the manager has lost it, he’s playing a tired player and should be sacked or criticized endlessly for it, as he’s cost us 2 points here and there with his terrible substitutions.

But we’re top of the league….

(I can’t believe I’m even typing this)

But why is there a need to distribute criticism? why from us? what do we get out of it? I want you to think long and hard about that one. Why is there an interest in fans finding players or managers accountable and where does it lead?

Especially when we’ve done so well.

Why do we want to hold players accountable to their mistakes, and treat them like they don’t deserve to play for the shirt, especially at a time when they need us the most and will most likely play the next game? it seems to counter basic logic.

And why do I even care about the disrespect people show Arsenal players or managers, you can’t possibly love a club that much. The saddest thing is,

I do.

And I feel like many do too, much more than I can ever imagine.

Its not a contest about who loves what the most, its a dialogue in questioning why many approach criticism in this fashion.

I have no idea why I love Arsenal so much, why I’d sit and type up a blog on boxing day after a 3-1 win, about how it annoys me that many people pretend to know so much and in reality they have nothing to back it up.

Is it better if everyone on Twitter just agreed on the same reactionary senseless things and turned against the player’s or manager’s every move? If that is modern football in social media then I don’t think I want to be a part of it. People on Twitter make me feel dirty for being positive and backing the players when they are down, even though it feels like the right thing to do.

And regarding the transfer window, you wise guys, you have no idea who is going to be purchased or why, you have no idea who gets bought at what price, stop pretending. Just stop.

If a member of our squad makes a mistake, the manager will surely deal with him, if not him then the coaching staff. And they will probably do it when they can, or when they feel its best, not according to a Twitter Manager’s timeline.

You personally have no ability to change a thing, yet your Twitter manager tweet suggests otherwise.

Your tweet about when we need to sub a player, its interactive, but that’s all it is, you’re sitting there, telling a manager who is never going to listen to you, who is probably miles away, to sub a player he probably won’t, in the hope that you’ll get it right and say I told you so on Twitter.

Do people realize how absolutely pathetic that is? It’s so sad. (And I’ve read my own tweets, I know about sadness.)

It’s about the tone and its about the language you use.

I.E.

A – “x player needs to get off now, he looks tired”

B – “x player looks a bit tired, it’ll be interesting to see what subs we bring on”

(A), almost makes it sound like you’re in charge, and you’re incredibly demanding, I know you’re fucking not, but you certainly make it sound like you are.

(B) denotes that you’ve done well with your eyes and noticed a player is tired and you’re interested in seeing what will change.

There is a massive difference between them both, it tells people what kind of person you are. Or maybe it just tells me.

Fans need to get over themselves, including me.

If a player is still around, there is a reason for it, even if you might not agree with it, there is a reason for it. I could barely understand why people professed a genius ability to tell others which Arsenal player was poor in a game, when it was fairly obvious.

Twitter managers can’t understand why a sub isn’t made, they have an inability to see things from an actual manager’s point of view. If the manager fails to see it from their point of view, he is wrong, they are right.

It seems like we all want to be right, except it just doesn’t matter, none of our footballing opinions are that good, if they were, we’d be working in football. And I mean real football, not journalism.

Even when pointing out that a player is poor, its obvious when a player is poor or goes through a poor patch of jadedness, tiredness or lack of confidence.

But you’re a supporter, aren’t you?

Except it does appear that in 2013,

Supporter = Critic with a keyboard and nutella.

Opinions are lovely and all…. but….week by week I see thought by thought, passed off as magical management in hindsight, when I feel those type of people would barely last a week in a mental institute, let alone a management position.

Tweets in hindsight, being overly critical and saying x player should have finished this or x player should have done that, its based on expectation, its based on our understanding, which for me personally is so full of shit and overestimation of our own ability and understanding of the game.

And the saddest part about all of it, is that we’re top of the league, after many told me we wouldn’t be anywhere near in the summer, after everyone told me Arsene’s time was up and all of the players he bought were shit and nothing could change that, nothing, no matter how deluded I got.

And Theo and Podolski will be there to pick up for Giroud when he’s having a bad game or not playing, just like they did today (lets ignore the assist cause it fits the narrative).

We are top of the league without Giroud having these two outlets for most of the season so far. With him having to do tireless running on his own.

I try my best to judge them as a team, and even then I’m fairly sure my opinions are worthless.

*All we want is a competitive team*

Well you got it.

*All we want is a striker who scores*

Shut up.

Just let me, tell you to shut up.

Just let me enjoy this moment, as I imagine people reading, being told to shut up, by me.

Just shut up.

I said it before, the same people who were laughing at me for saying we could finish 1st in the summer, are now experts and expect us to score at every opportunity and if we don’t, we’re shit, or we’re lucky.

Even though we’ve had countless of decisions go against us, even though we’ve had a rough schedule and a tired squad, which has been taken away by badly timed illnesses and injuries.

We’re top of the league, it might not last, but where is the fucking credit.

Where is the credit for Arsene for taking us here compared to where we were this time last year? I don’t care that other teams have done worse this season, its their job to win the title, some of them have outspent us both in wages and net spend for over a decade and after 18 games we are ahead of them.

People are so quick to give fast criticism but so slow to praise when praise is due.

They would rather talk about his recent misses, than his overall game and how over a season he might be great for us, even if he doesn’t score, even if we get another player in January, even if we don’t and Podolski and Theo form an outstanding partnership with him.

P.S. I don’t believe Giroud can manage on his own, I would prefer him to rotate with another good striker, but this seems so obvious and it has been since the summer. I welcome any good signings for the good of Arsenal, but its an opinion, its not presented like a fact, like I work there, like I own the club and know all that goes on.

I won’t be that Twitter manager that constantly goes on about how we have to put £20m on this player and £35m on the other, no one is listening to you, you’re just demanding things on behalf of the club, on Twitter, mostly without any inside knowledge or idea about what the manager is thinking,  its actually quite cute and special to be honest.

Vermaelen is another one, people are so on his back, waiting for every mistake he’ll make, won’t even give the guy a second to adjust.

Just shut up.

Pressure to succeed at Arsenal, is very high. I don’t think as a supporter you should not criticize, I think constructive criticism is very healthy, I just wish we’d aim it in the right place & ask where current criticism has taken us.

I just think there are far better things to criticize in life.

And I also think there are far better things in life to do, than to pretend to be an expert Twitter manager when your team is losing, and a happy glorified fan when you’re winning.

Have a word with yourself.

(I probably don’t mean anything I say and I’m really sorry)

but shut up.

P.S.

(I accept no personal responsibility for this blog).

Much love and happy new year,

Alexander

Another disappointing night.

There were of course some positives. The defence and Mikel looked very solid.

Rosicky was the best player on the field.

Ok, now I’m struggling.

Chelsea set up to stifle us and nick a goal. We knew that was what they would do and it was up to us to produce an answer. We didn’t.

We should have had a penalty when Theo was taken down in the box with Mike Dean 5 yards away with an unobstructed view. It was a shocking decision. The incident should not have taken place however, because the game should have been stopped while John Obi Mikel was sent off for a horror tackle on Mikel Arteta. He never even got a yellow, another shocking decision.

Giroud had two good chances to score in the final 5 minutes but failed to convert. Neither were easy, but that was our chance to win.

Anyway, a point leaves us on level points with Liverpool and second only on goal difference. This time last year, we were 4th and 13 points away from league leaders Man United. That’s a hell of a step forward, and I predict if we win our next 2 games at West Ham and Newcastle, we’ll be leaders at the halfway point.

Its a great position to be in with Podolski ,Santi and Theo all fit and fresh, thats a lot of goals and assists to come back in.

Lets see if Santa brings us a player in January.

We would have taken this position all day back in August.

Up the Arse.

A guest post by Georgaki and Sensational Arsenal.Thanks boys.

In Chesterfield (GP):

When I was at university I enjoyed switching the radio on at midnight after a period of study to listen to the jingle for a Greek station. Barely discernable above the crackle of the interference I would hear the gentle, distant sound of goat bells followed by the smooth sound of a shepherd’s flute. I found that tune particularly intriguing. I was transported to another world, a distant place, somewhere in the ether yet I was still in my room. In my mind’s eye I could not discern the face of the shepherd although I knew he had a sheepskin capote draped over his shoulders. He was standing on a rocky outcrop on a mountain somewhere in Hellas as he was rounding up his flock. I found that to be a particularly beautiful image.

Then a voice would announce the name of the station, the time and the reach of the radio service. I was excited at the thought that folk in ‘Panama’ might well be listening and having similar thoughts to mine. To be somehow in contact, at that instant, with people on the other side of the earth was such an exciting concept. I had not yet heard the term ‘global village’, this was afterall the early eighties; the age of the World Wide Web was a least and decade and some, years away.

So, it was entirely understandable that my sense of excitement was rekindled when Sensational Arsenal decided to encourage and develop my idea of a ‘virtual Emirates’. This idea, in turn, was stimulated by Arsenal Andrew’s inspiring post about the beauty of Arsenal’s global fan base. For me that was a seminal post which underlined the global appeal of Arsenal which, in my opinion, is overwhelmingly due to the wonderful football played and therefore ultimately because of Arsene Wenger.

So we decided to install the google hangouts app, exchange gmail addresses and watch a game together. That first game we watched was the first leg against Fenerbahce. It was a very exciting event. I placed my iPad on a stand and set it up on a coffee table facing me as I sat on my sofa to watch the game on the TV. The idea was that SA could see me as I watched the game and hopefully see me scream with joy when we scored. And that is how it happened. The handset icon appeared on my iPad monitor as SA was dialling in. I accepted the call and after a second or two, there he was, SA smiling at me whilst sitting in his home in Chennai, India. The marvels of technology indeed!

We had a brief chat, I introduced my wife, son and one of my daughters and we sat down for the game. It was a great game too. We played well and SA had to contend with a 10 second delay on his TV. I made all sorts of noise in response to incidents in the game that he would see 10 seconds later. At least he would be relieved that the biggest noise was because we scored.

We managed to persuade Pedantic George to join us for a game, I believe it was the away game at Fulham. PG’s computer must be a relic because he could see us but we couldn’t see him, only hear him. Maybe we should have a wip round and get him an iPad!

Watching games in our ‘virtual Ashburton Grove’ is a wonderful experience. Others have expressed an interest to join us. We hope they do soon. Come on you Gunners!

In Chennai (SA):

One of the first things I think about after waking up in the morning is, “Match day!” There is a small nice feeling associated with that thought.

Then, as I have my breakfast, I read the comments posted overnight on Positively Arsenal. Then it is down to doing my day, doing things I should do and doing things I shouldnt do.

Sometimes when I go out to do some chores on a matchday, I see some football shirts. The common ones here are Manure’s picnic blankets with Rooney, Barcelona’s with Song (hehe. Just kidding) and some Chelsea shirts with Hazard. Occasionally I see our shirt. Surprisingly, the most popular one is Arshavin, followed by Wilshere. Yet to see a Rosicky shirt. Idiots.

Since this is India, you see all sorts of fakes that are dirt cheap. Artistic license is also freely used. I have seen our club crest on all sorts of colourful designs. Did you know that we have a red shirt with two white and purple diagonal stripes?

Personally, I dont like wearing our club shirt because I dont want to go around advertising “Fly Emirates”. So hopefully, one day when I attend my first game at the Arsene Wenger Stadium/Ashburton Grove, I will be wearing that 1970’s red and white shirt (cotton please, no synthetic shit)  with just a cannon above my heart.

If the match is at 3 PM, it is at 8.30 PM my time. Then I time my chores such that I am sitting on my sofa comfortably at 8.30. I consciously avoid being early to avoid the bullshit spouted in the match preview on TV. Of course the best laid plans have a way of blowing up in your face. Right at 8.30, someone in the family will decide that they want something from the shop round the corner.

On champions league nights, the match starts at 1.15 AM my time and ends at 3.15 AM. If I stay up, I start getting sleepy right before kickoff. So I go to bed at 11 and set the alarm for 1.05 AM. I freshen up and sit in front of the TV at 1.15AM. Usually Georgaki joins me on Google Hangouts. We discuss recent Arsenal results and then it is onto the match. It is great watching the match with a fellow supporter who is of a similar mindset. Sharing the oohs and the aahhs makes the game all the more enjoyable.

There is an unique aspect to our online video call. My TV has a 10+ second delay over Georgaki’s TV because he is in the UK. So initially, when we started this, there were moments Arsenal were defending and Georgaki would be shouting and celebrating our goal. Nowadays, I am happy to hear his shouting. Then, I mentally block everything from his side (sorry mate) and focus on our play. 10 seconds later, we are celebrating together, high-fiving the air and saying a lot of “YEAH!!!” and “YESSSS!!!”.

A goal conceded sees our spirits dampened. A loss sees the both of us flopped on our sofas with folded arms. Victory sees us with permanent fixed smiles.

After the final whistle, we discuss the game a little and then I go and resume my sleep.

I understand how you would want to watch each second of the game as it happens. I like that too. However, do join us on times when you are in the mood to watch a game with us for company

 Today we have a guest post by Double  Canister.

Never won the European Cup, Right? Well, until 1992 teams had to win the league to enter it.

My hypothesis here is to argue that apart from the bleedin’ obvious fact that yes we have not won it (and thank you koppites, for reminding us of the fact every 5 minutes) Arsenal have not been too shabby in this Competition. In fact I will argue that Arsenal have very often run into the eventual winners of the competition, and given them a bloody nose in the process to think about.

England is an insular place; however since the European Cup was founded in 1955 English teams have entered, albeit half-heartedly in the early years. The FA cup was seen as far more glorious than some Johnny Foreigner concoction.

Chelsea won the league in ’55 and believe it or not but the FA asked them not to play the European Cup.

Manu and the tinies reached semi-finals in the early years of the tournament, but did not appear to be that happy about it, United’s tragic air crash in Munich seemed to put off the appetite for the competition in Britain for a while.

Unfortunately Arsenal’s chances of entering were severely limited because of a domestic downturn in our footballing fortunes compared to the great years of the 30’s. Adolf and Benito had also decided to change the football landscape of Europe in the late 30’s and 40’s so I’ll skip that bit. United and even bloody Wolves (!) entered a few times each in the 50’s but didn’t have much luck, to say the least in United’s tragic case.

The 60’s Arsenal side were nowhere near European football. Arsenal’s big chance with the double twinning team in ’71-’72 was no disgrace. They reached the QF and got beaten by Ajax 2-1(a) and 0-1(h) but it was Ajax’s greatest ever team that beat us. No surprises Ajax went on to win the old big ears against an also superb Benfica.

Then we enter the weird era as I call it, this is when for some very strange reasons English teams were regular winners of this completion whilst being utterly pants as a national team. When the Cup seemed to be used as a prop to hold up the charity shield by English clubs in the late 70’s to 80’s again Arsenal’s domestic form was wanting and we couldn’t get in on the party. Brian Clough’s Nottingham Forest are the only English side I consider really worthy of holding the European Cup with dignity during this time.

In ‘89 we were not allowed in. The bastards from Merseyside got everyone banned from European competitions so we will never know how good GG’s side could really have been. The behavior of some gooners in Copenhagen was less than gentlemanly too.

In ‘91 – ’92 it was UEFA’s new exploratory group stage format but we got knocked out by Sven-Goran Eriksson’s Benfica in extra time, despite Colin Pates scoring (?, no, me neither). Benfica had Rui Costa and a certain Stefan Schwartz who looked good at the time. Fergie pretty much owned the early years of the PL before the Champions League format was created but despite this Arsenal have managed to enter the completion 16 times, and even with winning 3 domestic titles under Wenger.

Now let’s look at the details of Wenger’s CL efforts.

The first 3 years when we played group stages in Wembley I will discount – this was a revenue generator to fund the new stadium and a tester to see if there really was demand for 60,000 plus capacity for more Arsenal supporters. In reality, Arsenal were very unfamiliar with the idea of group stage European football and it showed. Being homesick for the cup night atmosphere normally created at Highbury didn’t help either.

People look back now at the perceived weakness of the teams that Arsenal played in those groups and could think we should have rolled them over, but Hunter13 is right – Wenger has raised the bar of expectations at this club so far by now it is hard to look back and see how weak some of the players he inherited were (and I admit, some of the ones he initially bought).

From ’85 to ’04 no English teams were good enough to reach a final, with the singular pox-bottling exception of Sir* Bacon Face’s shower of nasties in ’99 who mugged-off Bayern. Following this era, when teams fitness levels, running pace and passing speeds hugely increased, (guessing a lot of drugs , anyone?) the CL basically turned into a round robin of English teams reaching the final plus the odd Barca, Milan, Madrid effort to win it and where it was perceived that throwing several hundred million euro at the club squad budget was the only way to win it, or in the English teams cases having a Foreign manager and needing to have the key, nay THE ESSENTIAL match wining players in the team being from continent Europe.

Many Gooners moan that Arsenal have had year after year of unlucky draws in this completion after the group stages. I am one of them. We have often come up against some of the the strongest teams in the completion at early stages and been knocked out by the eventual winner or runner up, even after Arsenal giving them a game far better than the team they meet in the final.

In the Early Wenger Era this is what transpired:

’99 & ’00 were learning experiences in the group stages and we ended up on a long detour into the UEFA Cup.

’01, we got beaten only on the away goals rule, in the QF by Rafa’s quality Valencia side who went on to the final and lost to Munich on penalties. 

’02 Real Madrid beat Leverkusen and in ’03 Milan beat Juve

’02 & ’03 was the crazy second group stage idea, results against Deportivo done us on ’02 and then Valencia did the damage in ’03. (Thanks again Rafa). The decisive games leading up to the final that year were strongly dominated by the big Italian teams. 

In the Pre-Paris era we saw a build-up of European momentum in the club:

’04 Porto beat Monaco.  Maureen is let loose on the world.

’05 Liverpool beat Milan. The 3^rd biggest fluke of all time. (See Manure vs. Munich ’99 for the 2^nd).

The run in the Champions league from ‘03-‘04 to Paris in ’05-‘06 showed that Wenger was building from strength to strength in the competition.

Thanks to Wayne Bridge (seriously WTF?) we got knocked out at the QF in ’04 by the blues. The Chavs were done by Monaco and then Moe felt he was very special when Porto won the bloody thing, and not in a beautiful way. The Squid, our former useless CB was in this final on the loosing side.

’05 was Munich beating us in the first leg at their home which did the damage. However – if we got another goal in the last 24 minutes the Bavarians would have been out on the away goal rule. Chelsea beat them in 2 ridiculous games, and then Liverpool fluked their way to Istanbul.

I don’t need to tell anyone here how we got to Paris.

Since our last (yes, and so far only) CL final this results have happened:

Milan ’07 beat Liverpool. Arsenal lost against PSV in R16 because of a late winner. Liverpool Beat PSV. Everybody blames Denilson, but not Fabrigas. The Arsenal team were a shadow of the team from the Finals of the year before, serious rebuilding was afoot which was coming along very nicely until in February 2008 when Eduardo was murdered. Only slightly exaggerating there. Arsenal fucked-up but it was a season of such high hopes that fell apart for us. Mainly due to evil bastards.

United ’08 beat Chelski on their home turf. I am still bitter about the scally shoplifters mugging us in QF. Arsenal were done by Refs in both games with the shoplifters. Liverpool were found out later to be shite. The only pleasure in the final was seeing John Terry loose when he could have won, even if it meant watching Sir Bacon Face smug winning grin.

Barca ’09 beat Manu. Adebayor not picking up John O’Shea for a corner, then Ronaldo running the show in the second leg of the Semi Final. Arsenal had to rebuild yet another team.

Inter ’10 beat Bayern where they parked the bus in a truly horrendous display of negativity by Moe. Messi was unstoppable in the QF against us in Barcelona.

Barca ’11 beat United yet gain, Cesc and JvC did a lot to help Barca on their way but we had the beating of them and don’t let anyone tell you we didn’t. United were brushed aside quite easily in the final.

The 2012 final did not happen. Flukes like this can very occasional happen in a quantum random universe, but so can a unicorn come out of John Terry’s  backside; Sideways. Wearing shin-pads. Arsenal had suffered some poor reffing in the San Siro. in R16. Milan were found out to be a weak team later on.

Bayern Munich ’13 beat Dortmund. I will argue that despite 15 minutes of poor concentration, at home in the first leg of R16, Arsenal had the measure of BM in Munich and Theo was clearly onside and going 1 to 1 with the their goalie when the offside flag was wrongly raised. (Arsenal have a tragic litany of wrong offside calls done against us over the years, mainly because we rely so much on quick counterattacks against high line defenses.) BvB shouldn’t have even been at the final at all but only for some horrendous officiating that sent Malaga home in the QF.

Now there are new, richer kids on the block, with owners who are desperate to glam-up their own despicable images with a bit of magic stardust from the top table of Europe’s most popular sporting contest, especially in an area of the mass media market with the thickest, most sycophantic and laziest journalism going.

Human right abusers, slave labour runners, national fraudsters, criminal pasts? – no problem if you buy a couple of super stars and a run down club with a big marketing potential.

*Yes, they actually gave him a knighthood for this statistical improbability of a result.