A guest contributor who shall remain nameless
Well, match day two, and we are off to the sunny climes of Stoke, and Joke City ( “two Orcs for every Gun” as them old surfers Jean and Dan sang). Yes, its already their Cup Final! In fact rumour has it that even if the Jokers were to actually reach the FAC, todays fixture would be still a bigger deal. A game that every Orc relishes and every Gooner grrrroans at and hopes Gandalfs on the team list. To me it always seems a bit like a League Cup game (early rounds) when we play them…yes interesting, but nothing to start frothing at the gills over.
Anyway, it will soon be over, and back home again, and hopefully with another three points in the bag. What is this bag everyone talks about that the points go in? Granny’s handbag? A scumbag? A carrier bag from Waitrose that you take in Lidl on the sly and use instead of one of their bags, mostly to show that Mrs.Cheeseman at number 42 that you’re not poor as you walk past her house on the way home-(don’t worry she shops at Aldi, and I heard she’s been snogging that horrible Oswald Muesli bloke from number 16)? Or perhaps a velvety bag, blue-black in colour that’s deep and sensuous that you can search about for ages in while listening to some Lem Winchester CDs?
For us though, it be one of the two rugby games we play each season against the Potties. No Arsenal fan looks forward to this date too much, as the Orcs seems to be the antithesis of Arsenal,Arsène and Wengerball. I always fear for all our team but especially for the likes of Mesut, and Rambo ( how must he feel having to make the trip to Mordor I have no idea) having to get in the time machine and go back to the early 1970s. For Stoke often seem to have that style about them?
They love to play “Slogger, clogger, bogger, hogger ,fogger, bovver- ball” as its known in Stoke. The philosophy at Stoke is all meat pie, cigs, a shag (the dance of course, what kind of a mind have you got?!)and more cigs, more meat pies, a choice of ham or spam sandwiches and 16 cups a tea and that’s just at HT. Exercise and fitness training at Stoke FC in mid-week includes a trip to the local arcade and a go on the grab, then down to the pub to read Look-in and twenty pints of Double Diamond, a bag or two of Pork Scratchin’s and up early next day for a big greasy breakfast and a scrap with some locals on a building site. The rest of the day is spent sitting on a Potty, and that’s why that area is know as the Potteries. Or that’s what I heard from my Aunt Hilda van Soiler-Buit. But she was famous for telling tall tales, so perhaps this is all just a misunderstanding?
I daresay the Jokers will be naffed awf at getting a spanking last time around, and as long as it doesn’t start raining, I reckon they will get a good spanking again. And even if they don’t, they deserve it. I asked an astrologer Edward de Krystal-Hemlock Spudney and he predicted 3-0 to the Gunners. It cost me fifty pounds and seventy five pence to get the reading, I didn’t like the way he had a picture of Harry Kane in his tent though. My Uncle Norvus warned me about the dangers of astrology when I was a nipper. It was the first time I’ve been in a tent since 1947. And I wont be going back in one, I can tell thee!
In some respects Im glad we are playing them already as to avoid the fabled ‘rainy Tuesday night in January at Stoke’ syndrome (ie them winning and us getting booted about and broken in the mud because we aren’t interested to play them), although the addition of Kolasinac might even things up a bit? I wonder already what will Lacazette make of this fixture? He seems cooler than cool, so I’m sure he can take it in his stride. And give us a couple of goals.
I have no idea who will be in the team today, but without Sanchez and Steww both AFC and PA aren’t up to their best standards, however hopefully both will be back to top fitness and eligible for selection soon. And I can be sent off into the woods in search of Baba Yaga. Although Babs is probably a billionaire now, and is looking to buy up a team. She would probably buy up Stoke! After all she flew around in a kind of potty herself.
Not much of an article, it was supposed only to be a stocking filler. I got the stocks on my head and wandered about for a bit but couldn’t find any yokels to throws things at me, and then went in my partners room and into her chest of drawers where she keeps her stockings, grabbed a pair and put them over my head. I started looking in the mirror and made a few hard poses, a few in profile, sort of Jimmy Cagney meets Joe Pesci, but it was really more Joe90, as my glasses got all mashed up in the stockings. My partner came in just as I was saying ” hand it over you dirty rat” in a Joe Pesci styled accent and she asked what I was doing with her stockings on my head? She wouldnt believe me when I said I was writing the PA match day review! I dunno what’s a guy supposed to do?
At least we didn’t talk about transfers.
If you’re going to Mordor, may Elbereth be with you (or something stronger), and if not, sit back and feel anxious until we score goal number four and then enjoy the game. Up next, them Scallies of Brookside. Calm down! Calm down!
COYG!
David Pfarecluff—-schööper schub
Positively Arsenal 
That sets the scene nicely for a wet Saturday afternoon in Stoke.
The stats the morning were entertaining. We go into the game on the back of 5 straight PL wins, the home side with one win in five.
And over the past 100 League games we have accumulated 201 points. That is more than any other team in the PL, bar our North London neighbours with 202.
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Great Mills your musings are Steww-esk, What a great squad we’ve got.
I didn’t see the Ox in the training pics does anyone know if he’s got a knock (Ed get on it). I hope we have worked on corners this week and defending the counter, although as we are away I suspect we will be sitting slightly deeper than we did at home and it is us that has the orcs running backwards. Running back south with three points, no injuries or suspensions is the aim today, not easy but do-able COYG
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See Hughes is already firing the kilns and promising a warm reception for us. So much depends on red wheelbarrows and referees so let’s hope today is one where the man in the middle gets it right. All a question of upbringing I guess.
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this kind of game is set up nicely for giroud. they’ll nbe dirty and brute. but as arsene rightly said, olivier is the kind of player you’ll like to go to war with. gabriel as well but he’s left for valencia, but we have kolasinac who takes no prisoners. although many prisoners in the team of the jokers.
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A_or_B let the cat out of the bag, whichever bag that is, but Mills also get my vote as anonymous.
Just brilliant! Nothing more to say then just sitting back, biting my toe nails waiting for us to go 3 goals clear and less than 10 minutes on the clock. Whilst hoping every bone of our boys’ collective anatomy remains in tact.
Fuckin brilliant. The PA bench is damn strong. COYG!
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On the face of it, they should be less dirty than in the past- you need the right players for filth and they’ve lost a number of those with black belts at it- Whelan, Bardsley, Arnautovic, Walters.
Fletcher, schooled the utd way, will no doubt do his bit, and plenty will depend on whether they try fit in as many dirtmeisters as possible- inc Adams and the elbow machine that is Crouch against us.
We have the certainty of Shawcross doing his thing, Pieters was allowed to kick the crap out of our players two years ago, Allen will dutifully follow orders and try up his foul count; Shaquiri’s prob good for something sneaky.
Diouf is a powerful lad with a poor challenge in him.
The one to fear is probably Zouma. Incredibly powerful, not particularly toned things down since wrecking someone’s leg early in his career- we have to hope he isn’t susceptible to being overly wound up to get stuck into us.
If it seems I’m focusing exclusively on fouls and physical danger I think that’s fair enough given the past.
If they’ve truly moved on any, and they intend to use the better footballers they have now- great, but as that surely gives them slightly less chance of success than dirtball * it seems very unlikely.
Also, let’s hope there aren’t many set pieces for them- they might have Zouma, Shawcross and Martins-Indi, plus Cameron, Crouch and Pieters. Formidable aerial power.
*depending on whether ref performs decently
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Mark Oooooze,
Seemingly impervious to critism from the greater plunditocracy and their evangelical hangers on: what a disaster he was with the soverign wealth fund he was given to spend upon a football team, will the reputation of British managers recover will another be given siuch a chance? How is he even still in a job? Wait! It’s Stoke Bet365 FC. Now i get it! Silly me. what was i thinking.
Thank the football gods for The Arsenal.
And thanks to Mills too (i blame AorB/Ian). Been unhappily distracting myself by being at work since 0800, on a break now and this was just the ticket to scatter those butterflies up up and away.
COYG!
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Here it is:
Hughes’ City signings:
Vincent Kompany – £7m
Pablo Zabaleta – £6m
Wayne Bridge – £12m (left on a free after contract expiry)
Nigel de Jong – £18m (sold to AC Milan for £5m)
Shay Given – £6m (sold to Aston Villa for £3.5m)
Craig Bellamy – £14m (left on a free)
Robinho – £32.5m (sold to AC Milan for £15m)
Shaun Wright-Phillips – £9m (sold to QPR)
Gareth Barry – £12m
Joleon Lescott – £22m
Kolo Toure – £16m (went on a free to Liverpool)
Carlos Tevez – £47m (sold to Juve for £10m)
Jo £19m – (signed for Internacional)
Tal Ben Haim £6m
Roque Santa Cruz £18m – (left at the end of his contract)
Emmanuel Adebayor £25m – (sold to Spurs for £5m)
Yep. City started off buying donkeys for Neymar rates. Yes there are one or two good players amongst the dross, but it’s a pattern repeated up to the present include signings like Sterling who could well be this decade’s SWP, for his sake as a footballer i hope not…and yes his step father.
How does the manager who signed Jo still get a gig? I’d rather not know the answer haha!
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Lescott!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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< & yes his step father was SWPs agent, more or less. In the interests of balance he gave much better advice to his younger charge who has actually had a career as a footballer…
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Nice one Millsy. Let’s hope for 3 points, real football v Orcs, no plaster casts and happy, contented grins on our mugs later.
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I agree. This is Millsy to the T. Well done.
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SWAvMU. My theory is United will struggle vs possession oriented teams. For one it exposes the limitations of Lukaku et al. As I was writing Abraham missed a point blank chance.
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Only listening on the radio, Pogba given the kind of excuses an AFC player isn’t? Lucky he isn’t called Xhaka and AFCs key signing of the season?
Shotts, what is your opinion? Second yellow?
I think I’m going to head down to the bookies!
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Kyle Bartley goes close! According to the radio commentary.
He’s about the age you’d expect now to be making it in the PL as CB. Always impressed untutored eye and according to the commentators he’s already reduced Rashford to tears (who just missed a huge chance “awful attempt” says our old mucker Hartson) , Kyle could’ve made himselfa Gooner hero there!
C’mon the Swans!
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Half-time. Arsenal u18’s 1-0 Aston Villa u18’s.
Olayinka with the goal.
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Jeorge Bird @jeorgebird 1h1 hour ago
Arsenal U18 v Aston Villa: Virginia; Daley-Campbell, Olowu, Medley, Omole; Ballard, Benson; Olayinka, Burton, Smith Rowe; Balogun
Subs: Okonkwo, Smith, Thompson
Talented schoolboy Armstrong Okoflex on the bench for the U18s for the first time. Can play as a winger or a striker.
Another schoolboy, David Agbontohoma, on the bench
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Utd score from the corner, sollowing Bartley’s earier chance also from a corner (Swansea also hit the crossbar).
The player who survived the second yellow card involved.
Clearly neither team can defend! heh. heh. heh.
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Arsenal being linked with Real Madrid’s 22 year old midfielder Marcos Llorente, who spent last season on loan at Alaves
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The worst thing about the start of the season is being reminded of how much other team’s results can seriously affect me.
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Olayinka scores and Okoflex debuts as Arsenal U18s beat Aston Villa
1 Vote
U18 Premier League
Arsenal 1 (Olayinka 34) Aston Villa 0
ampadu
Kwame Ampadu
A first-half strike from James Olayinka saw Arsenal U18s prevail past their Aston Villa counterparts at London Colney today.
Having been thrashed 4-1 by Fulham on the opening day, Kwame Ampadu was looking for a response from his team against Villa and he got it, with Olayinka scoring his first goal at this level.
With Harry Clarke away with England U17s, Vontae Daley-Campbell came into the side at right-back, while Olayinka started in place of Dominic Thompson.
As several players were unavailable, schoolboys Armstrong Okoflex and David Agbontohoma were named on the bench for the first time, with the former coming on for his U18s debut.
Virginia
Daley Campbell-Olowu-Medley-Omole
Ballard-Benson
Olayinka-Burton-Smith Rowe
Balogun
Subs: Okoflex (for Olayinka, 75), Thompson (for Daley-Campbell, 83). Not used: Okonkwo, Smith, Agbontohoma.
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interesting if that match report is correct, that Arsenal U18’s played a 4-2-3-1 formation, as Arsenal’s youth teams copy the first team formation, and had switched to the 3-4-3 during preseason
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Instead of watching United batter Swansea (who wants to watch that?) I’m outside on the deck this morning catching up on PA, as I’ve been otherwise occupied this week with work. I want to say thanks to Tim for his previous post, which I’ve just now read, and which is the most sane take on transfer dealings I’ve ever seen.
I’ve no clue who anonymous is, but thanks to them for today’s post. I hate Stoke away. I dread it, it makes me ill. I confess every season I wish for Aaron to pick up a minor knock in the previous game, so he doesn’t have to endure the trip. Not this time, it looks like. He seems fit and raring to go. So there we have it. 90 min of danger ahead. 3 points are important, but please, please no injuries. At least we’re getting it out of the way early.
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I’m still at work! *Insert sad not smiling face*
(Radio)
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Fins @ 1:02 pm: Absolutely 2nd yellow for Pogba on that challenge. As I said on twitter earlier, based on what I saw of the Bundesliga and la Liga yesterday, he would have been to the showers very early. No wonder English teams find it difficult to adapt to Europe. The PL rewards clumsy challenges by clumsy players. Both Double Canister and A5 concurred. We all concluded if Xhaka had committed those fouls in the presence of Mr. Moss there would be one outcome.
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Two good wins for man Utd in first two games, and they are not 100% clicking yet. This is a worry.
There will be pressure on our boys to win this evening.
And yes Kelly, I am sure Aaron feels pain every year in his old wound before this this particular fixture, just like Frodo did.
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United score 8 goals in 2 games and the media is wanking like a volcano that United is back to its all conquering offensive self. Trust me, this is a typical Mourinho team built to excel on the counter-attack and on set pieces. He has loaded the team with tall, physical players. They struggled manfully to break down the “mighty” Swansea who at times passed around them with ease and made some gilt-edged opportunities which they squandered. Technical security especially in the midfield is key to defeating Utd. Possessing the ball in midfield, creating and taking chances is the key. Unlike Swansea and West Ham gifting them the ball is suicide. Hopefully the they don’t build up a head of steam before teams figure out how to defeat them.
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Shotta
You don’t need a tin foil hat to recognise that the FA and PGMOL have a few favourite teams, who they want to see play ‘English’ football the good old fashioned way.
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burnley v west brom, an hour gone and not a shot on target, bpl most exciting league in the world
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Thanks for the feedback.
I know who i’m putting my chips on then for this season’s pgMOB sweepstake. After the crazy splurge by City i thought young Pep was already aointed but as Olde Scudamore himself admitted, Utd winning the odd title on a regular basis (it’s been too long now?) is important for the PL wallahs.
We shall see. Certainly helps when Mr.Moss hasn’t been briefed to send off your key midfielder for sneezing.
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Finally leaving work!
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a_o_b, you asked about ox earlier, he is with the squad in stoke today. doesn’t look like alexis made the trip.
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2 changes from last weeks game, Mustafi and Ramsey start, Holding out of the squad as per is a sub, Elneny drops to the bench. Coquelin a sub too.
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The midfield duo is the one to watch. I did a 2016/17 Squawka comparison of Xhaka, Fernandinho, Dier and Henderson and in terms of Total Score Xhaka was second only to Dier. What concerned me most is Xhaka’s Defence Score was -92.38 compared to Dier’s 317.98
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Shotts are those numbers skewered by the lack of reds for Riley’s rent boys and the remarkable calls against Xhaka?
–
Getting back to today’s Arsenal football match, interesting to see Giroud not getting the nod on the narrow Stoke pitch. However perhaps that is a call a coach can make when Welbeck is in the front three? Not a bad Plan B to have up the sleeve!
COYG
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Yes Fins. The Riley tariff did affect Xhaka. His defence score was lowered by the reds from Mr Moss. Conversely Dier and his Spurs colleagues got away with murder.
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ox is right wing back, bellerin is on the left
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pgmol will be very proud of andre marriner so far today
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fucking bullshit, monreal the dick kicks the ball out of play cos zouma takes his time getting up after a tackle, its the fucking refs job to stop play. Can’t stand how our players do this so often. Get the fuck on with the play, I’m sure Stoke would try and take advantage if one of our players lay down for little reason.
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HT: Stoke and officials 0-0 Arsenal
AFC the better team, no clear cut chances, only a few half chances, and Stoke have had a few of them too.
Xhaka has been a bit casual and got caught in possession a few times.
Andre Marriner has been little short of a disgrace, one eyed reffing of the highest order.
Arsenal good to a point, but are slowing down the tempo once we get within 30 yards of their goal, and giving them time to get 8 or 9 men behind the ball. Ozil not in the game enough, Ox final ball missing again, Bellerin been poor in attack.
Need to step it up in the second half
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they have just shown the bellerin penalty incident and it should have been a penalty, but marriner aint giving us anything today and that has been clear from the very start.
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Going well but a goal required just to take the edge off the game. Lacazette very impressive.
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Graham Poll saying that even though it was a foul on Bellerin he would not have given the penalty either, one of PGMOL’s finest.
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Will not be surprised when Marriner gives Stoke a phantom penalty in the second half.
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The half time pundits desperate for a bit of controversy on the Bellerin penalty. First time I saw it I thought he stumbled but with the close up and slo mo it was a clear pen.
Mind you what the close up and the slo mo also showed was that;
Marriner
Did
Not
See
It
There – glad we’ve cleared that up
Butland is a bit good
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Do we have a snooze at half time rather than an orange ?
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That will wake us up!
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