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Arsenal v ………….That Lot.

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A guest contributor who shall remain nameless 

 

Well, match day two, and we are off to the sunny climes of Stoke, and Joke City ( “two Orcs for every Gun” as them old surfers Jean and Dan sang). Yes, its already their Cup Final! In fact rumour has it that even if the Jokers were to actually reach the FAC, todays fixture would be still a bigger deal. A game that every Orc relishes and every Gooner grrrroans at and hopes Gandalfs on the team list. To me it always seems a bit like a League Cup game (early rounds) when we play them…yes interesting, but nothing to start frothing at the gills over.

 

Anyway, it will soon be over, and back home again, and hopefully with another three points in the bag. What is this bag everyone talks about that the points go in? Granny’s handbag? A scumbag? A carrier bag from Waitrose that you take in Lidl on the sly and use instead of one of their bags, mostly to show that Mrs.Cheeseman at number 42 that you’re not poor as you walk past her house on the way home-(don’t worry she shops at Aldi, and I heard she’s been snogging that horrible Oswald Muesli bloke from number 16)? Or perhaps a velvety bag, blue-black in colour that’s deep and sensuous that you can search about for ages in while listening to some Lem Winchester CDs?

 

For us though, it be one of the two rugby games we play each season against the Potties. No Arsenal fan looks forward to this date too much, as the Orcs seems to be the antithesis of Arsenal,Arsène and Wengerball. I always fear for all our team but especially for the likes of Mesut, and Rambo ( how must he feel having to make the trip to Mordor I have no idea) having to get in the time machine and go back to the early 1970s. For Stoke often seem to have that style about them?

 

They love to play “Slogger, clogger, bogger, hogger ,fogger, bovver- ball” as its known in Stoke. The philosophy at Stoke is all meat pie, cigs, a shag (the dance of course, what kind of a mind have you got?!)and more cigs, more meat pies, a choice of ham or spam sandwiches and 16 cups a tea and that’s just at HT. Exercise and fitness training at Stoke FC in mid-week includes a trip to the local arcade and a go on the grab, then down to the pub to read Look-in and twenty pints of Double Diamond, a bag or two of Pork Scratchin’s and up early next day for a big greasy breakfast and a scrap with some locals on a building site. The rest of the day is spent sitting on a Potty, and that’s why that area is know as the Potteries. Or that’s what I heard from my Aunt Hilda van Soiler-Buit. But she was famous for telling tall tales, so perhaps this is all just a misunderstanding?

 

 

I daresay the Jokers will be naffed awf at getting a spanking last time around, and as long as it doesn’t start raining, I reckon they will get a good spanking again. And even if they don’t, they deserve it. I asked an astrologer Edward de Krystal-Hemlock Spudney and he predicted 3-0 to the Gunners. It cost me fifty pounds and seventy five pence to get the reading, I didn’t like the way he had a picture of Harry Kane in his tent though. My Uncle Norvus warned me about the dangers of astrology when I was a nipper. It was the first time I’ve been in a tent since 1947. And I wont be going back in one, I can tell thee!

 

In some respects Im glad we are playing them already as to avoid the fabled ‘rainy Tuesday night in January at Stoke’ syndrome (ie them winning and us getting booted about and broken in the mud because we aren’t interested to play them), although the addition of Kolasinac might even things up a bit? I wonder already what will Lacazette make of this fixture? He seems cooler than cool, so I’m sure he can take it in his stride. And give us a couple of goals.

I have no idea who will be in the team today, but without Sanchez and Steww both AFC and PA aren’t up to their best standards, however hopefully both will be back to top fitness and eligible for selection soon. And I can be sent off into the woods in search of Baba Yaga. Although Babs is probably a billionaire now, and is looking to buy up a team. She would probably buy up Stoke! After all she flew around in a kind of potty herself.

 

Not much of an article, it was supposed only to be a stocking filler. I got the stocks on my head and wandered about for a bit but couldn’t find any yokels to throws things at me, and then went in my partners room and into her chest of drawers where she keeps her stockings, grabbed a pair and put them over my head. I started looking in the mirror and made a few hard poses, a few in profile, sort of Jimmy Cagney meets Joe Pesci, but it was really more Joe90, as my glasses got all mashed up in the stockings. My partner came in just as I was saying ” hand it over you dirty rat”  in a Joe Pesci styled accent and she asked what I was doing with her stockings on my head? She wouldnt believe me when I said I was writing the PA match day review! I dunno what’s a guy supposed to do?

 

At least we didn’t talk about transfers.

 

If you’re going to Mordor, may Elbereth be with you (or something stronger), and if not, sit back and feel anxious until we score goal number four and then enjoy the game. Up next, them Scallies of Brookside. Calm down! Calm down!

 

COYG!

David Pfarecluff—-schööper schub

 

 

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113 comments on “Arsenal v ………….That Lot.

  1. also shotta there are just too many fans who for one reason or another will never agree that we are hard done by the officials.

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  2. We have absolutely no chance of challenging for titles if we don’t get awarded the penalties we should be awarded.

    Liked by 3 people

  3. Stephy Mavididi made his league debut for PNE today, he came on as an 88th minute sub in their 1-0 win over Reading

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  4. yes foreverheady, especially when other top sides get penalties for little or nothing.

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  5. Very annoying. Dominated large spells of the first half, got done by a sucker punch as they were slightly asleep just after half time. Stoke could then crowd their defence.their keeper played a blinder, where have we seen that before.
    Three key decisions, none went our way. Refs do seem pretty reluctant to give us penalties, maybe the players need to roll around a bit more. Other clubs I can think of, including one not too far away from the Emirates may well have had three goals out of those decisions where we got nothing. The life of Riley while Wenger stays for some reason it sometimes appears.
    Yet on another day, we could easily have scored four or five with the chances created.
    I don’t think we played badly, despite today there are goals in this team. As a cazorlista, still concerned about having that sort of player, but not as if we are not creating chances.
    The malcontents in their desperation will look to any advantage to advance their cause. Yet they say Stan has given Wenger a job as long as he wants. Not sure how true this is, but Stan is not going to sack Wenger after a rather unfortunate defeat, not for the first time at that stadium. Wenger has signed a two year contract, they may as well accept it, as nothing they can do is going to change it

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  6. Wengers wrong about Arsenal not getting penalties, we got four in the shootout in the CS against Chelsea, should do us for this season

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  7. An interesting Untold Arsenal article on penalties since Mike Riley became head of the PGMOL , comparing Arsenal and key rivals –

    http://untold-arsenal.com/archives/52463

    Why is Mike Riley head of PGMOL,
    great ref-no,
    great communicator, no,
    open and transparent, not the PGMOL,
    sucks up to the establishment and the powers that be, well there was that game at Old Trafford
    The fans should expose the PGMOL when they misbehave, but cannot help thinking Arsenal execs should be doing more behind the scenes, IG is a very influential figure within the game

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  8. Shots @ 7:59

    Completely agree. With a display like yesterday we are quite capable to mount for a title challenge.

    Lacazette should have stood and we had very decent penalty shouts.

    I can see Pgmo will keep on treating us like this until Wenger is here.Sadly

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  9. Hopefully sanchez and kos return against Liverpool and we are back to full strength.

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  10. Well, not proud of how badly I took defeat again.

    I blame in large part the reaction to any defeat- knowing what pundits and, especially, fans will make of it all- but that’s still not a good excuse.

    There’s also how damn desperate I am for us to win the league again under Wenger. So bloody desperate to see that.

    Maybe there’s also the beers, as I’ve now firmly got back in the habit of having a fair few when I watch us and, while that makes for great times with a win, it’s not that suited to a defeat.

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  11. Onto the pen thing again. I’d say Wenger’s comment is emphatic, masterful even.

    They could try reprimanding him for it, but good luck with that as he has pointed coldly to the stats. And yet he has accused them of being, well…what are you accusing them of when you say you know beforehand they will not do their job correctly?

    Personally I think we have a strong double or even triple disadvantage.

    I watch football in the prem and sometimes elsewhere in Europe and every big club go in for pen-hunting, and are well rewarded for it. Quite often the resistance of the weaker team is broken through a penalty- esp in Barca, Real, Bayern games.
    In fact just about every club tries their hand at it, though they don’t tend to be rewarded as much as the giants of their league.

    So that’s football now. Defenders have to concentrate or beware as the attacking team will try use any hand on them or any outstretched leg in the box to get their pen. That’s disadvantage one. We don’t play that game.

    Two is that we just do poorly from refs on our genuine unembellished claims.

    Three is the media. They are facilitators- e.g. incredible focus on ozil’s handball outside the box, with much criticism for ref; little or nothing when it’s other way around- and more besides.

    I saw some yesterday focused on us not playing the game- not going wild, calculatedly, in our complaints, or not making use of opportunities presented like the late lunge on Bellerin in the box- I don’t see it like that.

    Can’t wish for us to join the cheating party, though I come close at times, and more importantly there’s point two and three. I don’t think it would work for us.

    I see it as an inevitability we will change our approach after Wenger, as I struggle to pick out any other coaches who surely don’t encourage pen-hunting et al. How much is the only question, and then how hard the media and refs will make it for us to finally join the gang.

    Until then, frustration and all that, but the knowledge we are fighting a good fight clean.

    Liked by 4 people

  12. New post up

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