Anyone who knows me knows of my interest in obsession, addictive behaviour and the curiously exaggerated importance we attach to football. Anyone who reads Positively Arsenal (you for instance) is an example of the most successful evolutionary outcome the world has ever seen. Intelligent beyond the imagination of our ancient ancestors, dangerous and powerful by many magnitudes beyond the limits of all other species. Don’t believe the Netflix programme Zoo. There is nothing the animal kingdom could ever do to threaten us now. We are mighty. We are at the very pinnacle of the selective process.
And yet we actively choose to allow a football match to dictate our mood each week. Not even the whole match either. The result alone can send us spinning to the depths of sullen, ill tempered misery. Snappish with those we love, enraged out of all proportion with anyone foolish enough to cross us.
I recently experienced a further manifestation of this football related mental disorder. I’ve been reading Homo Deus by Yuval Noah Harari. It’s a book full of fascinating insights into the algorithmic processes which drive our behaviours and just how little real choice or free will we actually have. In one section he describes experiments into the way the brain can be stimulated artificially. Scientists can entirely control the actions and desires of lab rats and are quick to reassure those concerned with animal rights that it’s all OK – the rats are convinced they’re enjoying the experiments because the scientists make them think they are.
Similar techniques are employed on humans to relieve depression, to make people feel they are making certain choices and are enjoying those choices. Trans cranial direct current stimulators are complex helmets worn by test subjects. They use electrical impulses fired directly at specific areas of the brain. Sally Adee, a journalist for the New Scientist agreed to take part in an experiment. She entered a combat simulation suite wearing such a helmet having previously attempted the ‘game’ without it. The first time she was terrified, panicked, and in a real situation would have very quickly been overcome by her assailants. When back in the suite and with the helmet taking charge of her mood, reflexes and choices she was transformed into a kind of Zen Rambo, calmly picking off every attacker in a relaxed, blissful, methodical orgy of virtual killing.
Without the usual humdrum human distractions of self doubt and external pressures Adee was turned into a proto futuristic super human. And what do you suppose was my first thought on reading about her experience? An operatic vision of the future of all human kind? A clear and terrifying insight into the techno-dystopia which awaits us? Nope. I pictured Santi Cazorla, his micro chip implants aglow, banishing all anxiety and the very possibility of failure as he stepped forward to take the winning penalty in the Champion’s League Final. Football. Of course. It invades almost every bloody thought we have.
Where Hull City are concerned Santi has already written his name on the Arsenal history book, never mind it’s future. Without any artificial support or stimulation, relying only on the natural ice water in his veins he placed as perfect a free kick as you could hope to see over the Tiger’s wall and put us back into the FA Cup final at as good a moment as he could have chosen. The rest, as they say is cliché, but I believe it was that moment which sparked the latest successful chapter in Arsène and Arsenal’s illustrious story.
Poor Hull have really suffered against us in that particular competition. In the league one would need to go back to 2008 for their last victory over us and all the way back to 1915 for the win before that. So history suggests the three points should be eminently achievable. Of course as Mark Twain said “History doesn’t repeat itself, but it does rhyme.” Although I’m not sure quite how much to read into that where today’s game is concerned.
Hull were written off by the ‘experts’ before a ball had been kicked this season. Losing their long time manager, short of players, the subject of takeover attempts, and with unrest among the fans in the stadium their return to the Premiership looked less than triumphant. And so of course they proceeded to beat the champions on the opening day and won their following two matches coming a cropper at Old Trafford by the only goal of the game before drawing away to Burnley. Their caretaker boss picked up the manager of the month for August and now we travel to the KCOM stadium on equal points with the home side unsure precisely what to expect.
Traditionally the game against unfancied opposition in the week of a Champion’s League fixture is seen as a potential banana skin. In truth any Premier League side presents a threat, no results are guaranteed. While we have been treated to some thoroughly entertaining games so far this season I can’t say the machine has been running as smoothly as I might have hoped. A couple of players have looked a little short of form and the team as a whole hasn’t seemed as coherent as we have come to expect.
I strongly suspect the hangover from the international tournament, allied to the new faces in the squad has hampered smooth progress. Arsène must take into account the players who require a long lead time into the season following their gruelling summer, those coming back from injuries and those he needs to integrate into their new surroundings. He has unsurprisingly stuck with tested combinations where he can and used the new guys sparingly. The obvious exception is Mustafi who, given the injury problems in his particular area of expertise, has had to get straight on with the job .
These issues will of course cease to be a problem as the season progresses. The crucial thing is to keep grinding out the results until things settle down. As much as I’d like a repeat of the first half of the Watford game I’ll settle for the grim determination with which we climbed back into the saddle after PSG looked like they had knocked us clean out of our stirrups in the first minute. Will we see a changed team sheet? You know what, I never used to play those silly selection games so beloved of the amateur footy writer and so far when I have pondered on the likely line up I’ve been sufficiently wide of the mark to remind me why I don’t pad out the blog with such nonsense.
All we know for sure is Arsène’s preferred back five and that when fit, Mesut and Alexis will be very likely to start. The other four places are anybody’s guess. Why football fans like to moan about the manager’s selection is truly baffling. Naturally we have our favourites and we always want to see our favourites play but there is something wrong with your mental health not the manager’s if you think that should have any bearing on team selection.
Your green grocer knows best how many Granny Smiths he’s likely to need to order for any given week. You don’t. All you know is when you fancy an Egremont Russet for a change but he has sold out of them you experience disappointment. It doesn’t mean the greengrocer is a moron nor that it’s appropriate for you to call him one. It certainly doesn’t qualify you to lecture him on which apples he ought to stock.
Anyway, whatever the line up with which the man in the know decides to go there are players who will be either keen to keep their places with a very strong bench breathing down their necks or others extremely motivated to shine if given a chance to start. All of which ought to bode well for the team and therefore for us super evolved, highly intelligent, mega beings who’s happiness is entirely dependant on them having a good day at the office.
Positively Arsenal 
I prefer a pear to be honest……
That was a wonderful piece our Steww. Are we heading toward mind control?
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Morning Stew, thank you for enlivening the neural networks this morning. A real Autumnal Saturday on the East coast, high winds, heavy rain and a 3 pm kick off. What could be nicer than that?
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Andy – I’ll settle for the blue skies under which Somerset currently basks.
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Excellent start to the day. Cheers, good sir. You have also helped me make a decision:
Counted and bagged my ‘change bottle ‘ contents yesterday. Like to treat myself to something frivolous when I do that. Previous bottle emptying has landed me a camera lens, an iPod, a hand axe for the garden that I’ve used once, a ridiculously expensive pair of walking boots and an extendable hiking pole.
Today I have a whopping £916 in coins to lug to the bank. I am going to buy one of those helmets you mentioned, to help me deal with the next 5 bloody-hour counting/bagging session when the bottle needs emptying.
I might even wear it to watch the game later.
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Bloody brilliant piece Stew-food for thought maybe like never before in one of your pieces.One I’ll be re-reading throughout the day over again…
I thought of this to expand an element of what you’ve written:
“There are means-orientated societies,for whom the game is the game,and end-orientated societies for whom the game is winning.In first,if one is happy then one is successful,in the second,one cannot be happy unless one is successful.The whole tendency of evolution and history suggests that people must become means- orientated if they are to survive”.
JF.
Thanks again, for a full force piece.
Play up the Gunners!
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How very odd. Most nights as I lie waiting for sleep to overcome me, I imagine that I have the power to give arsenal players the gift of playing without inhibitions and every action they attempt comes off, Every pass finds its mark and is controlled ,every shot is a goal, we beat opponents 20 nil . I’m 61 years old and still dreaming. All very sad when it’s written down,
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one of the most used soundbites by the malcontents is
“wenger does not know how to rotate, he flogs the players till the collapse”
odd then that when he makes changes to the line up – rotating the team – he has lost it, he is mad, he is finished, he is clueless.
its the usual moving of the goalposts by the malcontents, its why the FAC is no longer a meaningful trophy, its why spending over £90M on transfers in twice in the last 3 seasons is not enough, its why showing resilience to have a comeback win over southampton and again to get a draw away to last seasons cl semi finalists PSG is not enough. For God’s sake, the Invincibles season is now deemed a failure cos they “should have won the CL too”. When 20 somethings tell you with authority that Graham and Chapman were far superior managers to Wenger, you know that there will never be a point of full satisfaction, I doubt even those helmets Steew mentions in the article would work on the malcontents, unless the helmets can affect intelligence and reason too.
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Eddy – that’s the beauty of them. When the chips are implanted instead of clumsy helmets everyone will be happy, win lose or draw.
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Lovely Steww. It was so good I insisted on reading it to the missus.
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now for me I a await the announcement of the team and subs for today’s game with extra keenest, as we have a EFLC game on Tuesday, and who we select today will give a real clue as to who will play v Nottingham Forest, as our normal selection process for league cup games v lower league teams is the seven subs from the previous BPL game, and anyone coming back from injury that is ready for game time, plus of course some youth thrown in as well, but on the youth, just cos they make the subs bench may not mean we see them in the first team anytime soon, Alex Iwobi was an unused sub in league cup game v West Brom just over two years before he actually made his first team bow, of course many of the uber bloggers and superfans had written off the lad as not having a future, during that two year period, he was only 19 when he made his debut, and was already a full International for Nigeria by the time too.
So still hope for all those youths written off in last couple of years by the “real fans” as not good enough or having no future at Arsenal, players such as Zelalem, Akpom, Bennacer, Maitland-Niles, even Chambers, and many more.
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“I believe it was that moment which sparked the latest successful chapter in Arsène and Arsenal’s illustrious story”
Yup. Great celebration for the goal too!
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steww the helmets or chip implants will never over ride their “pashun” so it will be fruit tile to hope it would work on them all.
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Think it was a professor from reading university (not Steve Coppell) who was the first person to stick a chip in their own body
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I tried my hand at guessing at the physio’s considerations and players’ fitness earlier in the week.
A fruitless & yes futile effort.
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Arsenal U18’s are currently losing 2-0 away to Chelsea U18’s
Arsenal: Virginia, Osei-Tutu, T.Bola, McGuane, Olowu, Ballard, J.Willock, Burton, Nketiah, Malen, Smith-Rowe.
Arsenal subs are Coyle, Okonkwo, Benson, Omole, Thompson.
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Brillliant wide angled look at the mentality of…well everyone!
We have long heard of the players being sick with nerves before the game only to be cool calm and collected once they had their metarphorical suit on of a footabller on the pitch. You can imagine how the natural instinct desserts them once put back in the unnatural penalty shoot out situation. You can understand why so many clubs employ psychologist to inforce positive mental attitude.I have always thought there is a fine line between PMA and superstition of which we know sportsman have in ambundance.
This may also go some way to explaining our reverse in fortunes, so abley illustratted by Shotta in his recent post, between our home and away fixtures basically pressure and no pressure. Maybe the wobs and boo boys should pay more attention to this if they want us to be majestic at home, although maybe they just have an agenda.
We seem to be gradually finding our form and although it will tough again today, especially as I really rate Phealen as a manager, if we play well and near our best we should take home the points and take up our rightful place back in the top four. I know football is not always as preditable as that but I’,m looking forward to the game. COYG
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now this little extract from Barney Ronay about jose leads us to one big question – does ronay read PA, or does one of our regular authors read Ronay, as I find it odd that the term – Balefully – crops up so soon from both
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Chelsea Youth @chelseayouth 2m2 minutes ago
GOAL, 2-1. Arsenal reduce the deficit five minutes before half time as Osei-Tutu slides home after good play by Willock.
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Phelen was the Utd coach who won baubles for that club whilst Sir Slurgus spent his latter years on the blower to his mate Mike or slagging off the “typical Germans” in the funny papers.
Therefore, with some logic, he should’ve been made the manager of a squad he’d just guided to a title. But fortunately for you and I and the rest of football the Utd hierarchy chose to ignore the Football and have been appointing managers happy to work with specific super agents. Big names to splash the big money (the model of sado-masochistic peonage that the aaa aspire too).
Yup. Phelen is a good coach and Hull City tigers, heh, will present a tough and dangerous opponent today. That’s in spite of “we want our Hull back” campaign having done wonders for that club.
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Finsbury, I stick chips in my body most Friday evenings, along with some battered fish, and I’ve been doing it for well over 30 adult years now! 😀
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< given Slurgus' concerns on fitness in his final season it's fair to conclude that Phelen had a bigger role as coach then dodgy geezer McClaren or Carlos 'I never lost my job with my vomiting Portugeezer mates because of doping allegations' Quieroz did.
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a_o_b you raise an interesting point, in my playing days I went through a period of time where I was actually physically sick before many games, once I got sick all nerves were gone, if I managed to control the urge to puke I would be totally fine as soon as the game began. The problem was exasperated by the sort of old school type of managers who thought roaring and shouting in the dressing room prior to a game would inspire “pashun” in the team to perform. The thing is it was not something that affected me when younger, and in fact only started when I had a problem with management and knew I was not wanted in the team, it actually started in a season when I was my clubs top scorer, despite not always playing as a forward, and secondly never playing a full game, was either taken off regardless of score or how I was playing, or I was a sub sent on to try and salvage the game.
There was no sports psychologists in my day, and it was not till I changed club and had a manager who I felt rated me, that I got over it. Well that and I also began coaching in another sport, and this gave me an insight into the psychology side of sport, where I seen a simple throw away line from me affect the confidence of a player or team. It made me very aware of how each person is different and where one has more confidence than talent, others, even the most talented, doubted their ability, and always needed reassurance.
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15 minutes into second half and CFC u18’s are 3-1 up, but Nketiah has come very close to getting a goal for AFC
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Chelsea Youth @chelseayouth 53s53 seconds ago
GOAL, 4-1 Chelsea. Taylor-Crossdale completes his hat-trick with a second penalty of the day.
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Sticking chips in my body regularly over many years has resulted in my horrible misshapen form – long may it continue
Hull will be lively today – their gang of ex Spuds will no doubt be fired up – we shall have to extinguish the spark
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Chelsea Youth @chelseayouth 9m9 minutes ago
GOAL, 4-2. Josh Benson makes things look a little more respectable for Arsenal with a well-taken individual goal.
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Chelsea Youth @chelseayouth 2m2 minutes ago
Full Time: Chelsea 4-2 Arsenal. Another strong home performance from the Blues, Taylor-Crossdale with a hat-trick plus one from St Clair.
seemingly Nketiah was Arsenal’s best player and he had nearly all our best efforts on goal, but inspired goalkeeping and last ditch defending stopped him scoring against his former side.
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Youth Academies @YouthAcademies 14h14 hours ago
Arsenal full-back Tafari Moore made his debut this evening for on-loan side FC Utrecht coming on in the 66th minute.
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PA comments section is always a calming influence.
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Any of you miscreants know of a good live stream for the match today?
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ha ha ha, that ITK guy afccamden who has set up his own website to share his views and inside info such as team news, has had his first set back, his first team news article and his inside info on team selection is wrong he had xhaka as starting
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so with the team news in I hazard a guess that for the EFLC game on Tuesday we will see something like this starting
Ospina
Debuchy, Holding, Gabriel, Gibbs
Elneny, Xhaka
Maitland-Niles, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Reine-Adelaide,
Lucas
subs: Martinez, Bielik, Coquelin, Zelalem, C Willock, Iwobi, Akpom
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as expected the malcontents and uber bloggers and super fans are in meltdown over the team selection for todays game
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I was listening to the SOD podcast while doing my daily walk-about and that genius and his guest could not understand why Arsene is persisting with Alexis upfront. Then I quickly recall that these guys gladly suck at the teat of the sensationalist mainstream media who splurged gallons of ink on the meme that Henry was a winger and RVP could never be a central striker. With today’s line-up once again Wenger proves he is a contrarian when confronted with such unimaginative conventional thinking :
Čech; Bellerín, Mustafi, Koscielny, Monreal; Coquelin, Cazorla; Walcott, Özil, Iwobi; Alexis.
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Steww continues his predictably strong start to the season, betraying zero nerves and exhibiting nothing short of total aplomb to his finishing (or his middle bit and beginning).
And having caught sight of Arsenal’s line up, zero nerves is likely the opposite state of the Hull dressing room.
Should be a great match!
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All the bloggers guess wrong on the line up yet again. When will we learn?
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It’s clear Arsene is aiming for familiarity and consistency. Get a run together, easing the new boys into the side. As he said in his presser we had a poor start so need to get things back on track, not much room for manoeuvre or risk.
Also we can pick our sides with gay abandon, paying no heed whatever to loyalty, building a player’s confidence, long term planning, the real world etc etc etc
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Georgaki-pyrovolitis – do you have the sopcast player installed?
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message to the malcontents
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Gareth Stringer @Gareth_Stringer 4m4 minutes ago
Soccer Saturday
Panel slates Arsenal for ten minutes.
Entire panel predicts an Arsenal victory.
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Here we go for the ArseHull! COYG!!
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http://firstrowi.net/soccer/fri-hull-city-arsenal-netgd69a
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Iwobi’s passing is sublime. the guy receiving the ball never has to break stride.
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Sanchez with a very good chance – especially for one of his gifted ability.
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Tally-ho!!
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16 minutes in – iwobi with a deflected shot gives arsenal the lead,
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Yes!
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Great shot from Theo – snappy follow up from Iwobi. Kid is playing without fear. Hope he survives when the boo boys turn on him.
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