When all this started for me it was Leeds. The devil, incarnate in eleven all white outfits. Then, for a while, it wasn’t really anybody. Or rather it was everyone and it was no one. It became Liverpool in the eighties and more recently it was Man United. Now it is Chelsea. Of all of them Chelsea have come closest to closing the circle, the nearest thing to my childhood bêtes noires. There was something so hateful about Revie and the way his unquestionably gifted players went about their business which hasn’t applied to the others. The sacrifice of huge talent at the alter of thuggish pragmatism now fully reborn in the Church of Mourinho. Of course Chelsea aren’t so systematically brutal, even they couldn’t get away with the kind of violence which ruined British football in the early seventies and for which so many graceless inarticulate pundits still pine to this day. But the principle is the same.
Please don’t misunderstand me. I am well aware that on occasions all teams need to revert to a pragmatic game plan. A bad run of results sees you slip down the table and Aston Villa look like claiming fourth at your expense? You have to start defending a bit deeper and squeezing out draws just to build a platform and to stabilise the ship. The opposition song on any given day is pitch perfect and envelopes you in a perfect storm of attacking football? You need to hang on in there and maybe win the cup on penalties. It can happen to any team, the best managers and players adapt.
What has come out of Stamford Bridge, that benighted billionaire’s plaything, has nothing to do with adapting to necessity. This is a deliberate plan. This represents the limits of a man’s imagination, the ultimate expression of his art. What is excusable in Stoke On Trent is not in Fulham. I’m not talking about leg breaking tackles such as that successfully executed by Shawcross and so nearly managed by Cahill on Sanchez – that of course is never acceptable, never excusable. I’m talking about choice. Chelsea have a choice as to how they go about the business of trying to garner as many points as possible in a game which is, lest we forget, entirely a part of the entertainment industry.
If you are managing an unfashionable, relatively under resourced provincial club then perhaps you might feel the need to play lowest common denominator football. Anything to stay afloat in the big pond. If on the other hand you step into the hot seat at a club which moments before extinction has been salvaged by an obscenely wealthy man who then showers you in riches allowing you to buy any player you fancy at any price and others you don’t need but you buy simply to weaken your opposition, then you have no excuse. None. Set out to draw and hope to nick a win. It’s pitiful.
Back in the nineties I used to send my Sunday league boys out to play like that in the lowest reaches of division three of the Mid-Somerset League. It was because the novelty of losing thirteen one every week had begun to wear a bit thin. We drank and sang long into the night on the occasion of our first nil nil draw. The critical difference between myself, Perry, Pete The Greek, Squid and the rest of our gallant lads and men like Eden Hazard, Cesc Fabregas and their mates is that we were absolutely useless. Exhausted by the time we’d finished putting the nets up and often still stoned from the night before. If we’d been any good we would have tried to play and we only attracted crowds of between three and four.
So this Chelsea team looks like winning the title. They will have deserved it by dint of getting more points than anyone else but that is literally all you will be able to say about their achievement. History will not remember them fondly. Once their benefactor leaves they will return to the obscurity from whence they were plucked. Arsenal under Arsène Wenger, regardless of whether he ever wins another trophy, will occupy a place with the greats. You think of Brazil, of the great Dutch sides from the early seventies, Clough’s Forest, Ajax Amasterdam, Bristol Rovers third division title winning team of 1989–90 or whoever your favourite footballing side may be and Arsènes Arsenal will sit comfortably up there alongside them. And boy that must smart. That must be like a splinter on Mourinho’s office chair. To have everything and yet to have nothing. A shining new bell, empty and silent. A Christmas cracker made from golden thread with no toy inside. A loud, classless boast, boorish and distasteful.
So what can we expect this afternoon? It’s a well rehearsed show isn’t it, the Arsène and Jose show? We come out all guns blazing and attempt to bamboozle them with tricksy fast free flowing footy, they soak it up and hope to get a lucky break away goal. This may not happen today. Football is not a finely calibrated machine it is as much a game of chance as anything else. Too many variables, too many human beings with their frailties and their sudden unexpected strengths. Last season we took a thumping from them when they came at us in a most un-Chelsea like way. Weird shit can happen.
So often though these games come down to whether our early attacks bear fruit or not. If we knock too long at the door without scoring the crowd begin to suspect the usual Mourinho smash and grab and the whole stadium becomes unsettled, the football a little strained. If we get our reward for the early adventure then maybe we’ll see a different script written today. It’s certainly the game I want most to win now that the Old Trafford hoo doo has been laid to rest. More than that I want us to finish as high up the table as possible and we still have to go back to Greater Manchester and repeat the feat achieved in the quarter final. This season is far from over and there is far more than bragging rights at stake today. In any case I don’t have a social life nor a job so I don’t have anyone to brag to, and let’s be honest boasting and bragging in victory are as ungracious as whining in defeat.
It’ll be interesting to see if Arsène continues with his new formation, narrower, more compact without a recognised wide man on the right, whether our flying Spaniard returns at right back or if Debuchy has now reclaimed his place. The only other consideration is Per and his ankle. Many people are sanguine about the potential loss of our lanky number four, a reflection of their confidence in Gabriel rather than any animosity to the German. I’m not so sure. His partnership with Koscielny, his calm and experienced reading of the game are vital components for me and if not able to play today I certainly hope he returns for the remainder of our fixtures.
Like a turd in clean bedsheets today’s visitors will be the least welcome stain on our otherwise perfect pitch, a most odious collection, ambassadors for an ill bred, ugly club. However hard it will be to enjoy watching Arsène having to stand so close to such an odious object as Mourinho I hope you can take some pleasure from the match, whatever its outcome. Regardless of the result I just hope we are allowed to play and that the referee protects us from the worst of their violence and cheating. Let’s just get this job out of the way, pull the flush and try to enjoy the rest of our season.
Positively Arsenal 
I am still laughing from reading the title: “Barbarians at the gate”!
Thanks Steww.
Really desperate for us to win this one. The players need be calm, clinical and play our way and also escape the nasty challenges that are bound to come their way.
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You’re welcome SA.
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yesterday many people were saying they were nervous and i just thought wait till you read Steww’s preview tomorrow and once again its not failed to lift my spirits. we know this is another chelski team that will be forgot as quickly as that turd is flushed down the pan. Avoiding defeat is important as with yesterdays results it would go a long way to securing CL football next year, bring ST totterings day closer and keep us in touch with both mancs. A win however would not only keep us favourite for second place but mean so much more. It would mean we have beaten all the clubs at the top, Arsene would have beaten maureen and beauty can beat the beast.
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Top notch Stew and I am about to set off for the Gates to give the Barbarians a seeing to in my own small way.
The great thing about Revie’s Leeds, good as they were, is the number of times they stumbled at the final hurdle, on the last day of the season needing 2 points and a win, but drawing at home, the semi final exit, the FA Cup defeat to C******a etc.
It is too much to ask I know but Fate in football I hope has a twist in store for the Sour One.
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Sadly I dont believe Jose will care a jot that no one admires the football his team plays for its beauty at least. He has zero love for the game, its simply a vehicle to carry his ego.
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we should remember that we are very lucky that at the moment we have a great ARSENAL side COYG
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Well said sir!
What they achieve in a lifetime will certainly NOT be remembered in eternity, beat them before you flush.
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A draw today basically hands the title to Chelsea.
To quote Kevin Keegan, I would love it, just love it if we beat these anti-footballing bastards today.
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Top stuff Steww,
A great lexicon of beautifully articulated disdain for the Fulham-Moscow bus company.
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Anicoll
We’ll send the proud ones army home tae’ think again.
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Marvellous once again, Stew. I’ll read that again on my short train trip to Finsbury.
I love football days! And, of course, I can get a miniMesut from the programme today too.
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Well said Steww.
Particularly like the last line: ” Let’s just get this job out of the way, pull the flush and try to enjoy the rest of our season.”
I too am wondering about referees and tackles. No doubt the malignant one will instruct his players to use every dirty trick and whilst at it try as much as possible to cause injury. Such is the man lauded as a tactical genius – just another coward. No wonder the English media hacks love him. Birds of a feather and all that.
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Brilliant Steww, thank you.
There was the 0-0 in N5 towards the end of Jose’s last reign, the game that denied Gazprom a title and helped to cost Mourinho his job. Chin ups and all that! Hehe.
Then there was the 0-0 last season. It took some pretty poor and transparent, as in desperate, titling from the offical to salvage a point for them in that MAPB game that so many plundits studiously choose to ignore as they plug their piss poor narratives on the footy.
An home from a few seasons ago saw the end of Coquelin’s previous spell in hue he first team. Yes, that’s right, an uncalled stomp by Ramires….Ramires will get the nod from Mourinho today.
Revie’s career ended in some style in…Abu Dhabi! It seems that even after his sacking that the sweet FA* looked to Revie for the future, and continued to ignore Clough, no wonder he hit the bottle.
I’d heard that Revie also used his bungtastic abilities to he help to set up the BCCI bank, but NOTH will know all the details about that kind of thing. Revie and the specialist in signing players from special agents have more in common then they’d like to admit.
The sacrifice of huge talent at the alter of thuggish pragmatism was supported by those at the very top. If you had ever wondered how Carlton Palmer got more caps then Le Tissier there’s your answer!
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A blogger’s blog. this is the type of preview that is worth waiting a week.
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The Damned Gazprom.
A possible future where in twenty/thirty years time the mobster owner of second tier Gazprom (by this stage they are owned by an offshore conglomerate registered in Jersey by A.Dodgy.Geezer who made their fortune fracking beneath some unmarked shipping containers in Felixstowe) and bans several of his slaves/players that he has forced to wash and clean their way through the leagues from playing for his club after an argument or tizzy with his poor unfortunate coach?
Which is what has been happening at Leeds Utd of late, so I hear. Something like that.
–
Come on the Arsenal!
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Brilliant Stew,I dislike Chelsea for all kinds of reasons-despite being an east end boy,I went to a school overlooking the cesspit that always will be Stamford Bridge also known as the National Front HQ,them,their owner,players and current manager are not my cup of tea at all-would love to see us beat em. Obviously!
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Well put, sir.
Possibly you are being a tad kind to the grim blues when you say history may not judge them kindly; aside from a handful of entries in the record books few will remember them well enough to judge, kindly or otherwise.
Their football is nothing if not entirely forgettable.
The fact so little is being done to fortify the club post-Abramovich points towards what is likely to be a swift exit from the grace conferred on them only by deign of their being in the PL.
Can’t come a season too soon for most of us.
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What a great preview, Stew.
In my career, I’ve had the opportunity to mentor lots of young people. One of my greatest regrets is not being able to convince a young coworker that supporting Chelsea was supporting evil. He will probably text me today, with a nice comment about how anybody could win this, and he’ll mean it, too. And I will once again despair that such a fine and decent person was somehow sucked into Jose’s vortex.
I hate Chelsea and I hate the Evil One. I just really can’t stand arrogant people, and he’s off the charts on the arrogance meter. If there’s any justice in the footy world, Good will triumph over Evil today. It took Harry Potter seven books to do it, I think 13 games is the charm for Arséne. But, if it’s not to be, you’ll find me back here afterwards, supporting my boys, who will have given it everything they have.
Come on guys, let’s do this one. UTA!
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Superb writing steww, but what do you really think of chelski?
Unfortunately I’m going to have to miss today’s game due to other priorities, but anyone who is going give an extra shout for me please. Come on you Gunners!
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had to laugh at the Chelsea love in on BBC this morning, they would have you believe that its only in the last couple of weeks that Chelsea have played negative football, and that is cos they just want to close out winning the league.
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PFA team of the year announced this morning and it proves once again that footballers know little about the game,
DeGea
Ivanovic Cahil Terry Bertrand
Matic
Alexis Coutinho Hazard
Costa Kane
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Man Utd getting a bit of a drubbing at Everton, 3-0
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Arsenal could well have 2nd or 3rd rapped up before we go to OT to face utd
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Arsenal team to play Chelsea: Ospina, Bellerin, Mertesacker, Koscielny, Monreal, Coquelin, Cazorla, Ramsey, Ozil, Alexis, Giroud
subs: Szczesny, Debuchy, Gibbs, Wilshere, Walcott, Flamini, Welbeck
Chelsea team to play Arsenal: Courtois, Ivanovic, Cahill, Terry (c), Azpilicueta, Matic, Fabregas, Ramires, Oscar, Willian, Hazard
subs: Cech, Filipe Luis, Zouma, Mikel, Loftus-Cheek, Cuadrado, Drogba
a few surprises, Gabriel not even on the bench for AFC, and CFC don’t seem to be starting with a striker, Hazard the most attack minded player in their line up, Matic and Ramires in the middle to kick lumps out of Ozil and Cazorla
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“Sucked into Jose’s vortex”
Technical term K ?
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“Like a turd in clean bedsheets today’s visitors will be the least welcome stain on our otherwise perfect pitch, a most odious collection, ambassadors for an ill bred, ugly club.”
That my friend is winning line…….fucking brilliant……
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20 minutes until the kicking…[cough]… I mean football begins.
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Alireza Versi
@AlirezaVersi
Sunderland had a higher turnover than Arsenal when AW took over in 1996. Today Arsenal has the 5th highest market cap of any football club
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Contrary to his pre game protestations, Jose is playing for a draw with the hope of smuggling a win. Same shit, different day.
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That was a close shave. Could have been penalty.
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This is going rather as I predicted. We play the football, they dive, foul and cheat and get a couple of breakaway chances.
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Cant give what you don’t have I guess… Mou cannot inspire good footy… only a win by whatever means including diving.
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The game getting tighter as both teams seek the opener.
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15 to go, Welbeck on for Coquelin
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Walcott on for Giroud with about 10 minutes left
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cesc booked for diving in first half, taken off near the end.
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4 minutes of injury time to be played
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Our chance went through Ozil’s legs.
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arsenal have coughed up possession too easy far too often in this game.
FT:Arsenal 0-0 Chelsea
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Mourinho is such a classless, graceless twat.
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arsenal now third, level on points with city but with game in hand, poorer goal difference. 2 pts ahead of utd with a game in hand.
Games to play
Swansea (H)
Man Utd (A)
Hull (A)
Sunderland (H)
West Brom (H)
FA Cup Final V Aston villa
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We were the better team by a long way, they did exactly what you’d expect. Horrible club. Lousy champions.
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yes steww we were better team, but a few of our players not at their best and a bit wasteful, both Alexis and Cazorla’s passing was not up to scratch,
Ospina very lucky to get away with his awful challenge on Oscar,
Bellerin is a star in the making, he dealt very well with Hazard. Coquelin was as tireless as usual. Defense was solid for the most part. I feel Ramsey is wasted out wide, and he tends to to into the middle all the time.
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John Terry’s celebrations at the final whistle for a 0-0 says it all,
Jose and his gang got what they wanted.
Our Team did all they could, no complaints.
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I’m still processing that
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by the time we play Hull away on May 4th Chelsea might have won the title and we might have secured a top 4 place, CFC play twice before we play as do liverpool, also spuds play city
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Only saw the second half, which I am told was not as good as the first. I’m glad to hear that. I would have taken that result all week long: we weren’t likely to catch them and the fact that we didn’t look that likely to win probably shows a pretty exact state of affairs. We are very nearly very good, but we haven’t quite got the extra-special ingredient to make us exceptional. I think we will find it in the next two or three years (and it is probably just the confidence that the side will gain from playing together injury free), and I would like to congratulate the whole side and the manager for an exceptional run of form over the last few months. I love ’em to bits.
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Adithya V @PositiveAdi · 30m 30 minutes ago
I’ll never understand the hypocrisy of applauding that snake off the pitch while the same respect doesn’t even extend to their own at times
Ciaran @ciaranoconnell9 · 29m 29 minutes ago
Also, I dislike our fan-base even more after today. Boo Giroud vs Monaco but clap for Fabregas? Just stay quiet, don’t fucking CLAP.
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I have to say I find it odd that anyone don’t get it that people booed Cesc for the way he forced his move from Arsenal, not for him moving to Chelsea last summer, gooners and media alike have spouted this lie that Gooners dislike Cesc cos he joined Chelsea, it has nothing to do with that at all, only an idiot would think otherwise
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Finsbury, really
Bank of Crooks and Criminals?
Don Readies?
No, no, I will have to reveal why Brian Clough, failed as a manager for Leeds Unites!
Or, why Henry Winter, always ignores the juicy bits of scandal!
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