Today’s post is by Muppet
A friend of mine in the City has brought me some worrying news:
NEW CLUB PROPOSED BY DISAFFECTED ARSENAL FANS
The Grove – Proposed new Stadium, to be financed by Bank Of Dave
A breakaway consortium, to be financed by the Bank of Dave, is proposing a new club. The spokesman confirmed:
“We are sick of Arsene Wenger and the years of austerity, failed tactics and incompetence. We propose a new club called Farsenal Plan B, with a new stadium called The Grove. The new club will have a new constitution, stipulating no injuries, a guaranteed trophy every year, and a maximum of 2 French players.”
The proposed initiative is to be financed by the Bank of Dave, a Yorkshire entrepreneur , who went on the record:
“A group of unhappy bloggers on some Arsenal sites and Twitter came to my shop in Burnley and had a business proposal, to turn Farsenal Plan B into the number 1 club in the world. They were attracted by my low rate of interest. “
Money does grow on trees
The spokesmen confirmed that Bank of Dave wanted assurances that Farsenal Plan B would win the league every year:
“We are convinced there are numerous managers who could do a far better job than Arsene Wenger. We are busy looking for them. We know they are out there somewhere.”
INJURIES – NO PROBLEM
The spokeman also confirmed that injuries that have the plagued the current Arsenal squad, will no longer occur:
“My mate who is married to a doctor, assures me that the wrong pills are being prescribed. But that’s not the real problem, we are not buying the right players. They have the wrong DNA. “
Proposed DNA profile of new players – sadly lacking in current crop
Players are currently sought after via Bob, who is a mate down the pub. He told the spokesman that he would scout some kids in the local area, and come back with some news. Another scout has been offered a free holiday to Brazil, in order to bring some prospects back. He hasn’t been seen since, but we are sure he will have some good news for the new consortium.
In the meantime, negotiations are ongoing with Ronaldo, Messi, Schweinsteiger, Lahm and others.
NEW CLUB MOTTO
The club’s spokesman confirmed that there will be a new motto, reflecting a much needed change in attitude:
“Who dares wins”
The spokesman stressed the need for a change of emphasis at Farsenal Plan B:
“Who dares wins is a new idea and a new motto for a fresh brand of football. We will be looking for a director of football and a manager who is not scared to spend. The mistakes of the past must not be repeated. We had the opportunity to spend the £100 million war chest in the last window, where Spurs proved there were literally thousands of players available, and we totally wasted it. To cover for injured players we propose a new squad size of 50. Never again will injured players ruin our season.”
An outline sketch of a new club motif is underway:
Proposed new club motif
NEW IDEAS
Some more innovative ideas are that of soliciting the team via crowdsourcing. The spokesman was enthusiastic about the merits of Twitter:
“We believe in the idea that the collective wisdom of Farsenal Plan B fans can add a great deal to the process of team selection and transfer negotiations and procurement of players. We propose that fan suggestions for players and evaluations are taken seriously and fed into the club’s management process. We believe that the model of player evaluations is too manager centric, and for that reason is fallible. “
Planned technological innovation- listen to those “in the know”
“Arsenal missed the boat on many players who have since gone on to world super stardom. The names stick in the throat – Melo, Scott Parker, Affellay, Defoe. If the club had been more tech savvy, these names would have been heard loud and clear from a very influential fan base. Farsenal Plan B will now take advantage.“
DETAILED FINANCIAL ANALYSIS NOT REQUIRED
The spokeman was bullish that world domination could be achieved by what he called “Weeding out the dross” from the squad:
“Too much money has been spent on the likes of Chamakh and Gervinho. 50k a week for players who offered little. We propose that we attract better players at £30k a week. This model is proven at other clubs and will secure our new future. I drew this inspiration from Costcutters. There are hundreds of players available for £30k a week. “
Hackney marshes – hundreds of players available for £30k a week
A NEW DAWN, A NEW FUTURE
PREMIER LEAGUE 2014-2015
1. FARSENAL PLAN B 90 points
4. ARSENAL 60 points
PREMIER LEAGUE 2015-2016.
1.FARSENAL PLAN B 90 points
5. ARSENAL 60 points
PREMIER LEAGUE 2016-2017
1. FARSENAL PLAN B 90 points
6. ARSENAL 60 points
Premier League Predictions for next 3 years.
The spokesman confirmed that Farsenal Plan B will win the league in the next 3 years:
“We believe that 3 straight league wins would be a modest return on our investment. By hiring a manager with tactical nous, and employing the wisdom of the fan base, we will go from strength to strength.”.
Muppet can be engaged as your rogue media spokesperson via Twitter @MuppetGooner
Positively Arsenal 
HenryB. Thank you for sharing that story of dandan. A great story that pulls at the heart strings and puts things into perspective. Very Poignant.
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And if we are comparing THE ARSENAL to some of the traditional powerhouses of football in the past , lets not forget also that before there was a chelski there was real mad that bought their way to many a championships. That before city lost its identity and soul there was an ac Milan with deeppocket Berlusconi at the helm . When was Barka ever to far away from the nearest bank to get funds to pay their way out of another close call to administration. For as long as I can remember manure was the biggest spenders in the league ( with the exception of two years when Blackburn and leads out spent them ) even before the football landscape changed completely with Russian and Arab monies. I have no quarrels with AJAX as I think they have been the pacesetters in many areas of the sport with spending beyond their means. If we are comparing lets at least have some perspective and compare apples to apples and leave the oranges with the oranges.
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Hello goonerkam, yes I do agree with you. I really cannot understand how supporters cannot be proud of following this great club. When I look at the classless way Manchester United and some of their players have behaved over the Moyes affair and reflect on the shocking behaviour of Chelsea since the Russian bought the club, we have much to be proud of.
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PS: By the way, I remember all those great players. My first real memories are of the 1971 Double Winning team, I was eight then. My favourite player was Geordie Armstrong, what a winger he was.
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HENRY B & COLL
thanks for that heads up and link.
RIP DANDAN. truly a great story.
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Thank you for taking the time to read dandan’s story. Makes one feel good to be a Gooner.
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I wonder if the Arsenal game will go ahead on Monday evening, as the tube strike goes ahead at 9 pm.
That will make it difficult to get home after the game.
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That Pool Chaski match is going to end in a draw. Watch.
I can’t wait to get my Puma kit with Diaby’s name on the back.
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Thanks for the link to Dan’s story: in pieces now.
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Evening Gainsbourg. I have always loved the Puma kits and I too cannot wait for the new ones. However, Puma tend to be tight fit so you need to have a god body, not sure my fifty year old shell will look so hot! But the birds will look good!, Hope we keep traditional yellow away shirts. Anyone seem any images yet?
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Gains, seems like Diaby is sadly injured again.
Also seems that Sagna is leaving after being offered a 3 year deal. (According to John Cross)
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Oops, good body not god body – that really would be stretching it.
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Diaby felt his groin, the lad must be fed up with all this. He gets loads of criticism but I feel for him, that was a very late Dan smith tackle that started all this off.
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Maybe it’s just the usual ‘getting match fit niggles’.
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Sagna is a fine player , but there comes a time when it is probably right for both parties to move on. A three year contract would mean he would be 33 and a half when he started his final contract, and I suspect by then he might have slowed down a little. I would hope that we could find a newer model by then, and I also hope that if he does go on to somewhere like City he will get the pay day that I don’t think it is reasonable to expect us to pay for. It would be nice to think that if he does leave we will wish him all the best, and that the fans will recognise the sense of the club’s position. But I am not holding my breath.
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If Bac goes, let’s hope he goes out a winner, such a loyal servant and fantastic player deserves no less. I would keep him if up to me , but if we are to lose another player to an English team who we will soon rival, still hope he finds happiness, except when playing us. Goes without saying he will find wealth…..but no less than he deserves. Has been one of our best over the years and will take some replacing
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Thanks HenryB. I don’t think the post was about the AKB, WOB crowd or whatever. I just think there is a section of support who believe that it’s all so easy. lol. Even if another manager comes in, they will still be moaning. Good to see you anyway.
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A poster on untold has just heard on Talkshite that Wenger has said he is staying. John Cross twitter feed also mentioning it. Great news if it is as it certainly appears….but shame about wengers chosen outlet for this world exclusive!
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I think that it is imperative he stays. He is integral to the way we play physically, tactically and psychologically. We must go over and beyond to make him feel wanted and happy as he is the spark that lights the fire under arse-nal in many a game where heads have been noticed dropping. In addition to that he is one of those who have paid his dues( through the nose ) and I don’t want him to lose out on the glory years. A fine versatile RB that can also fill in at CB with a heart of a lion. Just put the cuffs on him and tell him no way in hell he is to leave. This year with CARL getting some more games and experience and next year to hand over the baton to the young man and get SAGNA to fill in either of those two positions when needed. At 33-34 he will be a bench player to backup any of CARL OR THE SACKER. a player like that is worth his weight in diamonds.
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Good news that AW is staying. I hope he goes out a winner too!
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I hope Bac stays and that the club has offered three years and not just two–he can be a 2nd RB and 3-4th CB in that final year. But the other eumours were that it was only a two year deal. Continuity in our defense has been so key to improvement there this season; I’d like to build on that rather than integrate new players or expect Jenks to assume the full burden of the position. Plus it means more transfer business to do when we are already probably looking in the two positions we tried for last summer, reportedly. Let’s hope he wins the FA cup, receives a three year deal, decides to stay and gives us two more great years like this season at least.
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Kam, I agree there. The comment I heard made it sound like he had given his word and felt obliged to fulfill it, but it wasn’t a statement of enthusiasm for the chance to continue. It doesn’t mean he doesn’t feel excited to continue his work, but one can understand that he might not feel that appreciated or supported by supporters who have grown increasingly impatient or a club and exec that hasn’t been supportive even as they are dependent on him. I understand the impatience but also hope supporters can recognize some positive progress. Of course it could be greater and hopefully next season will fulfill the promise. Who knows how AW really feels, but what I would love to see is a concerted effort to keep our players, finish strong, and get the top quality additions the club wanted to bring in a couple positions last summer to make a genuine sustained tilt for the league and big impact on the CL next season.
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Very true limestone. Sometimes I’m in awe that he has shown this much patiance and tenacity and hard work. If everything you say in your last paragraph does happen ,god willing, I feel that this coming campaign will be contested by only two teams. ARSENAL & SHITTY. and I really think we can get ahead of them because of our team ethics and cohesiveness. It might sound illusive but I would pick us to win the domestic league and possibly a domestic cup too. Yes, a double year.
As such I hope and pray that SAGNA, TV, AND AW make it official that they will be staying. how do you feel about KIM. ??
I would like to see him extend his loan and stay with us. I have liked what I have seen…
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John Cross @johncrossmirror 10m
Wenger: I’m staying at Arsenal #afc http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/football/news/arsene-wengers-arsenal-contract-saga-3458736 …
Beware of mass suicides ahead
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Goodness me DUPPS.
looks like one of our prayers have allready been answered. Halleloyaya
Now for the other two. come on TV. stay and fight for your place. Captains stay with the ship at all times… Come on SAG. you know you are GUNNER through and true. Stay and be happy. You are a big part of ARSENAL.
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Kim Kallstrom seems quite a decent player. I think with Flamini and Arteta we can afford however to go for a you get dynamic player who can grow into the side. AW seems to have liked Bender and there are reports he is a target again. We’ll see. If we lose Sagna, Vermaelen, Fabianski, I worry that there is too much business to do this summer and we have the whole issue of the players gelling and continuity disrupted. I hope we can build on this improved group just by adding some quality where AW was looking last summer. Hopefully patience will be rewarded and we get the right additions to complement this team. That way AW gets a chance to use the funds his consistency and sacrifice has created. Unfortunately, improving the team isn’t going to be easy and with a WC the process might be slow. Hopefully we get a jump on it and with AW staying, the club can pursue his targets without ambiguity over his status.
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Go for a younger dynamic player…
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Shoot. I forgot the cup hero. I want FABIANSKI to stay too.
Is that too much to ask. Please no more three steps forward and one back. The nucleus of this team is solid and stable. Keep it together and add on more pacey right winger to back THEO up and a good long term replacement for ROSIKY & MIKEL. maybe KIM is him. And our potential is sky high.
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I feel we just need to hold it together, hold our nerve and get the work done this summer to see it all pay off. I hope so anyway. I’ll admit that I am not as patient as I ought to be but I do see positive signs we can build on. Arsenal is close even if there is real work to do ahead.
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Dups, I just voted on the poll at the end of that article and it is currently 100% happy he is staying! Perhaps I am the only one who has voted so far?
Sadly JC says Sagna is leaving and he was right about Adebayor and Toure a couple of years ago (banned sad face here).
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Not the only one Passenal. I voted twice
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Really sorry to hear about Tito Villanova
That’s far too young to succumb of cancer.
Viaje con dos.
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Wenger is going to stay at Arsenal.
AC Milan, PSG, Barca, City, Manu Utd, Chelsea, Inter, Monaco would crawl across a mile of broken glass for someone with his qualities.
Lucky Arsenal.
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Wenger stays,
Everton and spuds don’t get maximum points?
early champagne bath.
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Lucky….lucky…lucky Arsenal
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dupsffokcuf & passenal,
I just voted too and it is till 100%.
I guess the Wenger out brigade members are too upset about the news to click on the story or read it down to where the poll is.
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Monaco have been encouraged by the uncertainty surrounding his future at the Emirates and are ready to tempt him with a salary equivalent to £22m in the UK — three times the £7.5m he currently earns.
o……O
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haha
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BAS••••. as if dealing with the five free spending doped up clubs in UK wasn’t enough now we get two in France to deal with. In addition to one in Germany, two or three in Spain and the same in Italy. They’re multiplying. Platini , you useless bumm, get your finger out of there and do something. Before nothing is left of football. God almighty.
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Have I missed something with regard to one of our boys out on loan, Francis Cocquelin? If he has learnt and developed from his season away then surely he would provide an interesting option in the defensive quarter. And with Joel Campbell due back too, and Bellerin perhaps ready to join the squad, then I only see us wanting to buy two top, top quality players – and also a goalkeeper to provide cover for the truly excellent Szczs.
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TIM
I seem to recall a few moons ago that his loan didn’t work out and that he was back. If he hasn’t been sold I think you have a good point. He should be ready to takeover some of the load. I t would be nice to see MIKEL played sparingly and not in every game.
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Monaco ? They sacked Arsene and no he has not forgiven them
Interesting earnings figures published this week for Italian clubs with Juve earning most at about €270m, Milan next with about €250 and Inter 3rd with €220m
After that the figures half with Roma earning €125m, Napoli and Lazio around €110m and then Fiorentina with €75m
No Italian club comes close to Arsenal’ s revenue – you can understand why the plutocrats come running.
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Andy: there was atime not so long ago (although it probably is, come to think of it) when Italian clubs and players were held up to us as the prime example of techincal prowess and sophistication. The Dutch were much the same. Now it is all Spain and Germany (and one two interesting possibilities from the UK). Does this suggest that unless you invest properly in youth schemes your game will inevitably crumble at the top. And I think this was what Arsene was alluding to yesterday when he spoke of the need for managers at top clubs to be given time in order to guarantee the health of the game, comments that have already been shamefully avoided and ignorred by the so-called self-appointed custodians of our game, the media hacks.
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Hi Foreverheady,
The game has very much changed from the days when countries were much more insular. That is to say, Italian clubs were stuffed with a high proportion of Italian players, and to a certain extent that may have been the case in Holland.
In Spain the clubs have wonderful training schools, and attract the very best players from South America – different visa rules to the UK, and are rightly recognised as wonderfully technical.
Nowadays, Italy like the UK, attracts players from all over the world, which is great, but the home grown players suffer.
German players generally tend to prefer staying in their Homeland and their clubs do not attract so many foreign players, so home grown skills have benefitted.
All supposition, of course, as I do not have any data, but I bet someone out there does. 🙂
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Foerever,
Again, I am a man without data, but I keep and eye on our loanees, and I do not think Coquelin has had a good time of it abroad.
He has not had as much game time as he would have liked, which, to be frank, usually equates to not being good enough.
A pity if that is the case. Yet another promising Arsenal kid not coming on as hoped, such as Lansbury (doing OK at Forest – but not good enough for Arsenal) and the same is true of Jay Emanuel Thomas and many more who hit the buffers).
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Van gaal it seems. Thought it seemed likely with the reports earlier the manure hierarchy was working on transfer deals already (with van gaal busy with wc). Unless they surrended to red nose again of course.
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Thanks HenryB: that’s a pity – I rather liked the look of him, but fortunately the club is run by those who know better than me. I am really looking forward to seeing how it all develops, and find myself childishly excited about the World Cup too. After all, you’re never too old for a Panini Sticker album. I took pathetic delight in explaining to my boy Daniel that Joel Campbell was likely an Arsenal player next season as we were looking at the Costa Rican page. It is my level, of course: most 50-somethings experiencing mid-life moments get to enjoy sports cars and brassy blondes, whilst I am left desperately hoping I’ll find someone who’ll swop me a Benzema for the extra Lloris sticker I have.
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JET used to turn up with his home boys at training missing out for him was all about attitude. Lansbury was more about key injuries at key times and is very influential at forest, he will make a premier player no problem.
Most youngsters when hitting the first team seem to think they have made it when it is in fact the critical time and is probably the biggest hurdle of their career
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Italy has always struck me as a country who turns out footballers like waves on a beach
If you look at their WC record back to the 60s after every really good tournament or win four years later they are dire – and vice versa
A poor trip to South Africa in 2010 I suspect will be followed by a very bright Brasil – last years U21 Euros victory showed they have lots of good youngsters
Might be a bit early for them to win the World Cup but Italy are on the up
How one might compare that happy state to our own dear Queen ?
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I feel quite positive about the state of the English Team (and apologies to those who couldn’t care less about it) and hope that they will show enough this WC to suggest that they might compete properly in 2016. One or two of the younger players have a bit of pace about them, and some skill, which bodes well.
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