Today’s post is by Muppet
A friend of mine in the City has brought me some worrying news:
NEW CLUB PROPOSED BY DISAFFECTED ARSENAL FANS
The Grove – Proposed new Stadium, to be financed by Bank Of Dave
A breakaway consortium, to be financed by the Bank of Dave, is proposing a new club. The spokesman confirmed:
“We are sick of Arsene Wenger and the years of austerity, failed tactics and incompetence. We propose a new club called Farsenal Plan B, with a new stadium called The Grove. The new club will have a new constitution, stipulating no injuries, a guaranteed trophy every year, and a maximum of 2 French players.”
The proposed initiative is to be financed by the Bank of Dave, a Yorkshire entrepreneur , who went on the record:
“A group of unhappy bloggers on some Arsenal sites and Twitter came to my shop in Burnley and had a business proposal, to turn Farsenal Plan B into the number 1 club in the world. They were attracted by my low rate of interest. “
Money does grow on trees
The spokesmen confirmed that Bank of Dave wanted assurances that Farsenal Plan B would win the league every year:
“We are convinced there are numerous managers who could do a far better job than Arsene Wenger. We are busy looking for them. We know they are out there somewhere.”
INJURIES – NO PROBLEM
The spokeman also confirmed that injuries that have the plagued the current Arsenal squad, will no longer occur:
“My mate who is married to a doctor, assures me that the wrong pills are being prescribed. But that’s not the real problem, we are not buying the right players. They have the wrong DNA. “
Proposed DNA profile of new players – sadly lacking in current crop
Players are currently sought after via Bob, who is a mate down the pub. He told the spokesman that he would scout some kids in the local area, and come back with some news. Another scout has been offered a free holiday to Brazil, in order to bring some prospects back. He hasn’t been seen since, but we are sure he will have some good news for the new consortium.
In the meantime, negotiations are ongoing with Ronaldo, Messi, Schweinsteiger, Lahm and others.
NEW CLUB MOTTO
The club’s spokesman confirmed that there will be a new motto, reflecting a much needed change in attitude:
“Who dares wins”
The spokesman stressed the need for a change of emphasis at Farsenal Plan B:
“Who dares wins is a new idea and a new motto for a fresh brand of football. We will be looking for a director of football and a manager who is not scared to spend. The mistakes of the past must not be repeated. We had the opportunity to spend the £100 million war chest in the last window, where Spurs proved there were literally thousands of players available, and we totally wasted it. To cover for injured players we propose a new squad size of 50. Never again will injured players ruin our season.”
An outline sketch of a new club motif is underway:
Proposed new club motif
NEW IDEAS
Some more innovative ideas are that of soliciting the team via crowdsourcing. The spokesman was enthusiastic about the merits of Twitter:
“We believe in the idea that the collective wisdom of Farsenal Plan B fans can add a great deal to the process of team selection and transfer negotiations and procurement of players. We propose that fan suggestions for players and evaluations are taken seriously and fed into the club’s management process. We believe that the model of player evaluations is too manager centric, and for that reason is fallible. “
Planned technological innovation- listen to those “in the know”
“Arsenal missed the boat on many players who have since gone on to world super stardom. The names stick in the throat – Melo, Scott Parker, Affellay, Defoe. If the club had been more tech savvy, these names would have been heard loud and clear from a very influential fan base. Farsenal Plan B will now take advantage.“
DETAILED FINANCIAL ANALYSIS NOT REQUIRED
The spokeman was bullish that world domination could be achieved by what he called “Weeding out the dross” from the squad:
“Too much money has been spent on the likes of Chamakh and Gervinho. 50k a week for players who offered little. We propose that we attract better players at £30k a week. This model is proven at other clubs and will secure our new future. I drew this inspiration from Costcutters. There are hundreds of players available for £30k a week. “
Hackney marshes – hundreds of players available for £30k a week
A NEW DAWN, A NEW FUTURE
PREMIER LEAGUE 2014-2015
1. FARSENAL PLAN B 90 points
4. ARSENAL 60 points
PREMIER LEAGUE 2015-2016.
1.FARSENAL PLAN B 90 points
5. ARSENAL 60 points
PREMIER LEAGUE 2016-2017
1. FARSENAL PLAN B 90 points
6. ARSENAL 60 points
Premier League Predictions for next 3 years.
The spokesman confirmed that Farsenal Plan B will win the league in the next 3 years:
“We believe that 3 straight league wins would be a modest return on our investment. By hiring a manager with tactical nous, and employing the wisdom of the fan base, we will go from strength to strength.”.
Muppet can be engaged as your rogue media spokesperson via Twitter @MuppetGooner
Positively Arsenal 
ha ha ha! Muppet, I laughed my head off.
I’ve just found this, which sort of ties in:
http://northlondonisred.co.uk/usmanov-arsenals-golden-saviour/
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I’m in, where do I get the merchandising?
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Love the chicken branding as well, that is soooooooooooo cool!
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Where do I sign, where do I sign ??
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Did we vote last night for Muppet to be our Media n’ Marketing n’ Expert n’ Spokesperson?
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I can’t believe this hasn’t happened already. Sounds like a great idea!
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ebbsfleet_United_F.C.
Oh. They sold out to some Sheikh from Kuwait, correction, it says a group of Kuwaiti Investors here. So, some vaguely identified gaseous entity, far away, now owns the ‘fans’ club. A bit like Birmingham FC under the chap who is now in jail. Or Tottenham under the man we were all told (by the same scouts that spotted Melo) that we were meant to be jealous of (for spending some Wonga™). Sounds like fun.
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Who are the Noodle Partners ?
The devil is in the detail
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PA used to be a place where you could find the the writers who will be different and focus on the upside of arsenal.
Do find the condescending articles, sarcastically portraying ‘other’ sides of our fanbase becoming more and more tedious to read through now.
It is well written, but im starting to bore of the bashing between fans now, it doesnt help that our side dishes out equal amounts to the doomers and gloomers side.
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And this blog would need re-branding to Positively Farsenal or Positive Farce for short…..
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I’ve got the marketing sussed PG!
have a look at these babies:
I get them cheap from a mate down the market
Nods at Mel.
I’ll make a killing.
We, (WE) will make a killing. dammit.
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Johnnyboy,
I beg to differ. I think that our side does not bash them enough.
The doom&gloomers have ruined our Arsenal experience to the point that many of us ‘deluded’ positive fans now watch our team play fearing more the backlash from our own fans on the result than the impact of the result itself.
More of the mockery please.
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That is a very fair point JohnnyB – it does not do to dwell on those who, for whatever reason, are not as fortunate as us.
Light relief – and I can firmly recommend the NILR piece today – is not an end in itself for the Positivista
If I was looking within the club for inspiration then, as we have discussed in recent days, it is to the coming of the forward line, of Giroo, Poldi with Ramsey lurking in the vicinity that has demonstrated its value over the last fortnight – and with Mesut now in that mix too the goals have to come, starting with Mr Pardew’s hapless crew on Monday I hope.
Outside the club ? Delighted to see that the PL and the FA intend to take action against the Self Indulgent One – I trust the punishment will be “Exemplary”
Good word “Exemplary” – it implies that the action is designed to deter.
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muppet for president !! so brilliant.
I beg to differ. I think that our side does not bash them enough.
ditto!
let me ask you jonnyboy and answer honestly please
what is closer to objective reality? that arsene knows or that he does not?
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Bootoomee at 1:11 pm
Hey bro, I see our colleagues over at Untold have been targeted. Do you know what the latest news is?
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And of course there was the gem last year. http://www.espn.co.uk/football/sport/story/195702.html
What a fun piece, Muppet, which I much enjoyed. We deserved that fun, and now can turn our attention to spreading the real positive stuff far and wide.
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Define “objective reality” ?
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whats real for unbiased people.
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Fucking Brilliant!
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Feh – had to check on the date of that ESPN story. Assumed it must be April 1.
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Fair enough, but I really enjoyed the escapism PA from the nonsense being spouted against other people who support the same team. At least on here there was a sense of ‘lets forget about the idiots and just focus on ourselves, and the arsenal’
And Bootoomee, i just feel any abuse against other fans, be they idiotic or not, is never warranted.
I guess it justs that i have always been taught to never stoop to an idiots level or retaliate, they will beat you with experience. Be the bigger man , and walk away.
But thats just my opinion
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Georgaki-pyrovolitis,
It is terrible. I miss my Untold friends and it has only been a couple of day!
The new address is http://www.untold-arsenal.com which I think is better than the previous one. The transition is still in progress though. You can get to the site’s front page but you can’t access the anything.
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And Johnnyboy, look at what Bootoomee said – a positive site has been forced to move because of coming under repeated cyber-attack…for being positive. That is what you should be indignant and concerned about.
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LOL
Very nice, Muppet.
@Johnny
There are no ‘other’ sides of the ‘fanbase’. There are Arsenal supporters and the rest of you bastards. And the ‘factions’ on the internet amount to nothing at all.
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From Arsenal.com – Sanogo interview:
Why Arsenal?
First of all because when you think Arsenal, you think Thierry Henry and I grew up watching him and he made me dream. He was incredible. We come from the same town, Les Ulis, in the outskirts of Paris, and he was always an example for me. Following in his footsteps and coming here was always a dream for me. More than a dream, it was an objective.
Hehe, it was an objective. Did I mention I like Sanogo.
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Sav, Jonny isn’t one of them!
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lol johnnyboy….what do you feel about the abuse towards manager and player? you find it fair? or the principled thing to do ?
quite the sensitive soul you are for those “fellow fans”.
update: they stopped being fans ages ago and became critics and detractors. long live democracy and twitter! 😉
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Who’s attacking Untold, thats the 1 billion dollar question…and does it have anything to do with referees in the EPL being put under the microscope…
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@Bootomee
Tell our Untold regulars to rest their weary souls here whist the site is under repair,
though I have no doubts Tom and Rupert C would try PG’s patience.
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Am i actually being called a bastard, I thought i was one of the positive lot.
Hunter, i feel hurt that a great man is abused, its just wrong, and defines everything wrong with how a group in our fanbase can get off on doing.
People can voice their opinions thats fine, but its really is fighting fire with fire now. Evidence from Sav and his reference. Didnt even recognise me as an arsenal fan, just ‘one of the bastards.’
Its my opinion, i didnt say take it , i didnt say agree with it, but just an observation of what the fanbase has come to, everyone defending their stance and attacking others, not healthy, And that the majority of PA articles i do enjoy.
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Not to mention the closure of the respected Arsenalvision comments section. Due to trolling by arsenal holes. There is no defence for the trolls, yet we’ve seen several attempts here this past week. *coughs*
It’s not fighting fire who fire. Enough is enough (IBSF).
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Perhaps I shouldn’t have made that comment on Untold about Gazprom losing the title after Crimea seceded from the Ukraine? I was only kidding. I hoped. (IBSF No.2).
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With the comments section at Arsenal Vision being closed and the attack on Untold that leaves PA and probably Goonerholic (haven’t popped in for a while) as the only sane Arsenal comments section left on the internet. Where people are not attacking their own club constantly with made up malicious (plenty of evidence for it) gibberish fed to them by parasites.
Yet we get people coming on here…You couldn’t make this crap up if you tried!
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@ Johnnyboy
But why are you upset about us mocking the opinions of people who do abuse your club/manager/players, as opposed to upset by the abuse directed at people like us and by the fact that positive and reasonable sites – not negative sites – come under concerted attack. Does none of that bother you? At least we are just laughing.
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There’s desi* and one or two others too…
* Yes that’s right, we here at PA love desigunner because for years now he has shown up the see you next Tuesdays by demonstrating the ability to be critical and, well, not be a see you next Tuesday! It’s not hard.
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Apologies if I have mistaken your stance, Johnny. Perhaps I should not have included you with those you poor, helpless doomers and the other sort, the disingenuous Harvey Dent types.
“Do find the condescending articles, sarcastically portraying ‘other’ sides of our fanbase becoming more and more tedious to read through now.
It is well written, but im starting to bore of the bashing between fans now, it doesnt help that our side dishes out equal amounts to the doomers and gloomers side.”
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@Finsbury
I like the regulars on ArsenalArsenal. They are generally quite level headed and a nice bunch.
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Funny…
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FireGunner
Im not upset, its my opinion, if thats what you like to do then do it. meh i just guess that im not of the opinion that mocking or bashing complete strangers and keyboard warriors is a funny thing. as i said, its down to preference,
why are you of the opinion that i dont care about all the other abuse. I said i dont agree with any bashing, and that its was completely disrespectful for the negative sites and group to bash our great manager.
Im just going to leave it here, thats my two cents.
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Sav from Australia,
“Who’s attacking Untold, thats the 1 billion dollar question…and does it have anything to do with referees in the EPL being put under the microscope…”
Because of my aversion for conspiracy theories, that is one possibility that has never crossed my mind but boy, I think you might be on to something there. Walter and his team have been relentless in showing up the cabal called PGMOL and their cronies. The accuracy with which they predict their conducts is scary.
I won’t conclude that they are responsible but we all know what happens when the powerful establishment are being exposed.
Maybe I am beginning to sound like a conspiracy theorist so I’ll stop right there.
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Johnnyboy, you’re entitled to think and say what you like.
Once you’re in, your in.
Its hard to complain about trolls FG, when we have a fully paid up member in our midst.On that, how goes it on Le Grove these days Hunter?
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Johnnyboy
April 24, 2014 at 2:11 pm
im glad that you agree its wrong. so…do we let the ones who are wrong to run the show? …..for evil to triumph all it takes is the good to do nothing blah blah cliches lol…but also true in some respect. ….
the way i see it….the ones who are wrong (whether they are stupid or follow and agenda) are isolating and dismissing those who are right, should it not be the other way around?
they find the space to act like that and are encouraged by the good peoples non actions……..
if a doomer who abuses wenger and players knew that the moment he called one of ours a cunt he would be met with 30 looking at him angrily for his lack of respect and perspective id doubt hed be encouraged to continue……
here we have the opposite…..you could stand up and scream ARSENE KNOWS and you will have the doomers telling you to fuck off and question your support to the club…..
insanity.
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@Boo
I don’t understand the term conspiracy theory. To the best of my ability, I always thought it was a term to encourage people to not seek for independent answers. Truth is truth. Observations are made based on the balance of probabilities (watched too much Sherlock you see – what a great show). As Holmes says, Eliminate all other factors, and the one which remains must be the truth. Or as I say: he who smelt it, dealt it.
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“whats real for unbiased people”
Well that’s you barred H13
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Jonnyboy,
I appreciate your comments.
The mockery is aimed at those who are totally deluded. Not rational fans unhappy about the current situation, who can put up sensible arguments for change.
We all know who the totally deluded fans are. They believe that our medical staff are incompetent, Wenger is a buffoon and has no tactical abilities, Gazidis is a clown and we don’t have a transfer policy or department, and we have copious amounts of money and there are many world class players available and so easily obtainable.
We know who those people are. If you want a clue, look at the proposed stadium name.
Personally, whilst I find the guy amiable, I am horrified that he appears in Metro and Mail and purports to be an Arsenal fan, and represent Arsenal fans. Like proudkev yesterday, I am sick of the constant attacks on the club. He comes out with a million and one things, but his brain doesn’t seem to connect any of them in a coherent way.
The worry is that the fan base now believe that views like his should be mainstream because, admittedly, we don’t have a trophy to shout about, and we have had some disappointing performances away from home against the top 3 clubs. I think constantly accusing the club of incompetence without any context to our opposition, or understanding the limits of our finances is something that I am fed up of reading about.
Even the realist uber bloggers are becoming tiresome, like they want to make sure that they are capturing the true reality of where we are, reminding us of the 3 heavy defeats and pointing our the fragility of Wenger’s tenure. Yes, we understand. But lets move on and try and fix the situations, and also appreciate that there have only been 2 transfer windows where we have allegedly had a lot of money to spend, with few players available that would really strengthen our squad. I don’t need to keep reading about mistakes made and no lessons learned, because I honestly think that it’s not as easy as people make out, If people want to to harp on about mistakes and lessons learned, why not harp on about the period between 1971 and 1989 where it took 18 years to win the league, and we had to watch a succession of english teams win the European Cup – Liverpool, Villa and Nottingham Forest. What exactly were we doing in this 18 year period ? It beggars belief that a section of the fan base believe that the missed opportunity to join the 6 or 7 clubs at the top of european football – as that is what we are talking about now, believe that it’s because we didn’t sign a striker at Xmas, or a defensive midfielder in August. It’s rubbish. The bigger picture is that you need a long term strategy, good finances and a good manager, and the strength to ignore all the short term noise in the meantime generated by a moaning fan base. Our situation is so good that one could cry with mirth. Revenues of £250 million +, world class players coming to the club. But no, people are moaning because City and Chelsea who have spent £1 billion each are not being beaten.
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FG at 2.22
He is not upset at us mocking other fans of a different negative mindset – he is bothered that we may be spending too much of our time on mocking the nutcases while neglecting our destiny
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fuck yeah muppet !!! PRESIDENT!!!
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anicoll5
April 24, 2014 at 2:50 pm
im not biased…im correct.
😉
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@ Muppet April 24, 2014 at 2:53 pm
Muppet says everything I wish I could say but with greater eloquence.
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Great stuff muppet, on both occasions.
Firegunner? For one who condemn mocking you sure retort to it fast.
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You may be correct
But you’re still barred
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