January 2014. Or as it will henceforth be known, Transfer Window: Round Two. Like all sequels it will no doubt promise to be bigger and better than ever but leave us all with an overwhelming sense of disappointment, akin to that of spending the night with James ‘Raul’ Stokes. Matches and results become meaningless as increasingly frenetic Gooners crave news & whispers of who may potentially join the club or was once spotted in a red top age 4 that was the same shade as that years Arsenal kit. And therein lays the problem. During this period the object of fans desire is transfer news, therefore meaning an increase in the number of articles and blogs about transfers as writers seek to boost views and circulation of their efforts. This in turn leads to more people becoming occupied and so on and so forth. And if you’ve spotted the irony in that this is essentially a transfer piece and I am actually one of those bastard bloggers, -well done.
This segment is dedicated to the Twitter Halfwit Brigade.
We are currently top of the league and after examining our upcoming fixtures, you would expect us to stay there for the foreseeable future. Any points gathered though will be completely insignificant because rumour has it that the player you liked and were convinced would sign for us is now being linked with someone else after his agent was spotted having coffee with someone that looked suspiciously like a girl another teams manager had a one night stand with 6 months ago. This of course means that he will be signing elsewhere instead of suggesting that she might just be a bit dirty. How dare the club ignore your suggestions, I mean come on, this guy scored 47 goals in the Belgian second division playing as an auxiliary inverted defensive pivot master. Arsene has thrown your advice away like a pile of Zimbabwean dollars and spat in your face. The Prick.
Time and time again Arsene has chosen to betray you. He ignored your advice about how Giroud was just too handsome to play football effectively and look at him now. Crocked after only 18 injury free months. Disregarded was your comment about Mertesacker being too slow to function sufficiently in this league. Arsenal might have the best defensive record in the league but what about the previous years, uh? Scorned was your remark about Ramsey being “shit”. Might be the best midfielder in the league at present but couldn’t even score a hat-trick against his old club, could he? As for Flamini? You said his hard-working craft is merely a fool’s substitute for brains. A two-footed challenge on Danny Rose doesn’t change that.
You know better than Arsene of course. You have the benefit of Twitter, a multitude of blogs and your trusty Squawka app full of stats about passing accuracy and distance covered. Obviously you know who is better out of Arteta and Flamini. It is apparent to you where Cazorlas best position is. You know what it takes to make Mesut hot. And even more glaring is that you know what signings we should make. Your internet searches and YouTube compilations far outweigh the research the club do. After all they only check the player’s background, medical history, family medical history, attitude, professionalism, upbringing, performances, integration ability, current contract, contract bonuses and duration, signing on fees, agent fees and image rights amongst other things.
We have a month of articles titled “Who Arsenal Should Buy” and “Why Haven’t Arsenal Signed This Wonderkid” to put up with. There will be a few out there who try to maintain a sense of normality amongst the absurdity of the situation. Not many but a few. They are of course doomed to fail, with as much chance of success as me in a fight against the Klitschko twins after I’ve goosed their wives. It should of course be noted that there is a difference between voicing the opinion that a player would improve our team and voicing the opinion that we must sign such player. Messi would undeniably improve our team but I’m not suggesting we sell off Giroud’s organs so we could scrape together money to bid for him.
To survive this month I suggest smashing all internet enabled devices in your home. Don’t even bother finishing this article, do it now! You didn’t do it if reading this, ahh well I tried to help. Next burn any tabloid filth that enters your abode. Instantly punch any of your Gooner friends who start a sentence, “I heard Arsenal is in for…” Avoid any TV channel that uses the phrase “Our Sources”. Since it’s still horrible outside buy the Breaking Bad box-sets to occupy your time. Buy any box-set really to fill the hours, except the 2nd Season of Homeland because that’s a pile of piss. Watch True Grit and then send me a transcript of what Jeff Bridges says in that irritating cowboy accent. If that doesn’t work then a revolver and cyanide cake is the only way to go. Good luck and May the Gods have mercy on your souls.
I’ve been and remain Dyllan Munro who can be found at goonertastic.com and on Twitter @goonerdyllan although most of my time in there is spent inventively insulting Stooookes. Thank you for reading and thanks to George for allowing this mediocre effort on his site.
Positively Arsenal 
Come on Arsenal!
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Mamadou Sakho
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Yes, I still live in Zim, Forever.
There is a huge Arsenal support here.
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saw this on the bbc live text…. The match at Bournemouth AFC was postpones.
The score board i think, reads Rain 1, Pitch 0. LOL
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So last summer wenger didn’t get a top GK, just another decent Italian.
Wenger didn’t buy a CB or a FB, but rather concentrated on keeping the top quality defenders we have.
And Wenger didn’t buy a DM.
He really must listen to the fans if he wants the club to do better in season 13/14.
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No rest week for City. Excellent.
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Although I understand the various attitudes towards the FA Cup it will go down in history as providing the best and most cruel nickname HRH Prince Charles received as a schoolboy.
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(0( both of yous
80 minutes to kick ass time….
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Funny! Good stuff Dyllan!
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Hes picked the wrong team,Arsene has picked the wrong team. Down with Wenger,Boo boooo
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FOREVER
do tell us the nickname.. 😀
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Team I picked except for BAC.
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First 45 safely negotiated and the best team one up.
Tomas very good and Serge shining too, Bac busy and assured.
Theo ? Well son you have another few minutes I guess to provide some evidence to back up your ambitions.
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We are MUUUUUCH better than Tottenham. Much better. And we are playing our B team. Should be up by a couple and Dembele is a stupid stupid man who should’ve been sent off. But credit to Jack for staying his ground and not doing the old Barca Biscuits routine. Clattenburg is trying too hard to be a sensible referee.
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@anicoll
I think that those 45 minutes have been the best I’ve seen from Theo playing up front on his own. Not getting bullied as usual and creating tons of space with his clever runs. Only thing missing is a goal or two.
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Playing well. Need to be more clinical and play under control. That means you JACKIE BOY. please don’t get carded.
great pass by GNABRY.
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Should be at least 3-1 right now.
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Can’t give clattenburg any reason to handicap us.
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Very assured performance. Well, well Theo …
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This was just brilliant. Our second team outplayed them from start to finish. Brilliant trolling by our captain at the start (turning around the Sp*rs emblem at the pre-match ceremony) and Theo (signalling the score to the Sp*rs fans when he was getting carried off), Arsene bringing on Özil just because we can and having to play for 15 minutes with just 10 men and still looking the better side.
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A fine and hard working victory – we were far superior in midfield and our umpteenth clean sheet speaks volumes for the excellence of the back 5. No apparently serious injuries and now nine days to rest, plan and press on
Brilliant evening
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I could not disagree Evil – Theo was far better tonight than in his previous efforts as central striker in which, as I remember, he was totally ineffective and anonymous.
He made some good runs, albeit to no outcome.
Clearly AW has something in mind
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@anicoll
Bayern at home springs to mind. Theo up front didn’t work out at all in that match, but clearly against lesser teams he can do a decent job. Too bad he didn’t manage to score, I think he had more shots than the entire Tottenham team.
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For his goal Rosicky started sprinting from around about his own eighteen yard line.
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Gnabster’s through passes, how good were they? Ridiculous!
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Very enjoyable win. We played quite well today. I was afraid of fatigue, but the team was energised. Arsenal look good, really good and are improving.
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Fins, was the through ball by Gnabry a deliberate or accidental genius? For a split second, it looked like he had not given enough pace on it. That invited the two spurs defenders to go after it, miss it and leave Cazorla free. Cant decide. Either way, it was a good assist.
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Is it me for the write up?
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Its about time Finsbury had a go????
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Oh when the spuds,
Come marching in,
They get their ass handed to them on a silver platter.
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Not this one, I missed some of the game. That’s my excuse *coughs*.
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SA
Some of his other passes were fantastic. Don’t know about the goal, another impressive game from the teenager.
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That’s how you stamp your authority on another team. Tomash was on fire today. Well deserved goal for his hard work.
BOOM SHAKKA SHAKKA BOOM..
now if we can finally get a favorable draw.
injury to TV didn’t even get a card but overall mark was all right.
It won’t be long term , I don’t think.
THEO on the other hand , looked like he did his knee in. I really hope not..
No motm. this was a true team effort. Well done and CONGRATULATIONS ALL AROUND. super statement of intent, that.
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Fuck yeah never in doubt. Tommy and Santi stepped up as senior players. Leadership!
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PG shortest game analysis ever : arsenal end totts season.
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Its done
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Just back from the game and reading the comments it looks like I missed a few things, which were highlighted on the TV coverage. But these were my thoughts from my seat in the upper tier North Bank.
Really excellent, controlled and professional performance from our guys. Tomas Rosicky was head and shoulders the best player on the pitch – he was everywhere and really living up to his nickname of ‘Little Mozart’ as he conducted the show. Never was a goal more deserved or raucously celebrated by players and fans alike and it was lovely to see all the hugs for him from his team mates at the end. Clearly they love him as much as the fans do. He is really having an excellent season, rolling back the years and reminding us of what a fantastic talent he is and how much we missed by losing him for all that time. I don’t know if it was shown on the TV, but when Arteta went off and we lost Theo, he was given some instructions from the boss and then started directing proceedings defensively as well!
I thought Theo did a good job up front on his own and was really unlucky with some of those offsides, or so it looked from where I sat. He was also unfortunate to find Lloris in good form, because his saves kept the score respectable even though we were so superior to the spuds, 2 – 0 didn’t really reflect our complete dominance of them. Was Adebayor even on the pitch? I wonder if he was really fit or was he just too comfortable in our defenders back pocket along with Soldado?
Gnabry has come of age – I would have no concern with him playing again if he can maintain that level. He was very impressive today and that assist for Santi shows that he also has excellent vision and decision making for such a young player.
My only concern now is that we may have paid too high a price for this win with injuries to TV, Theo and now I hear Arteta went off with an injury too? I also expect the FA to ban Theo for nothing, while the spud fans get away with throwing coins at an injured player! Fingers crossed all the knocks are minor and the week off allows a few of the walking wounded to make a welcome return.
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“You can see the players fighting for each other,” he added. “That sometimes wasn’t there in the past.
“It’s very important to build something like that with your team-mates.”
Interesting comment from TR7 – sometimes you cannot see the silver lining for the clouds, but perhaps certain departures were for the best after all?
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Passeral, I was watching on TV but thought Tomas Was awesome too, so was Santi, especially as LB cover. Senior player want it!
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A bit of blood on the face of Özil. If he does not know what it means to be a Gooner tonight he never will.
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Benteke: clown pants
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@passenal
I think that’s true. I feel that the Dutch boy was a disruptive influence. Playing manager on the field, apparently being critical of Wenger persisting with Ramsey off the field. We don’t need someone like that. Our attitude has improved markedly after he left and I don’t believe that to be a coincidence.
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It seems that sperz are in a negative spiral after spending a small country’s GDP on players. Also their manager & his pa are lifelong gooners.
It’s sperz year (again) lol. Joke club
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This is brilliant
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@dupsffokcuf
I think some people might make fun of him, but I believe supporters like him are exactly what the club needs. More people with passion and positivity and less plastics and appeasers.
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Bloody right there Evil. There are many like him (on this site especially) but their voices are not heard.
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dupsffokcuf,
The guy in the video you posted reminds me so much of me. He is a true fan.
What is the point of being a fan if you have no faith in your team? How can you complain about the team and the players if you NEVER gave them any chance to succeed in the first place.
We are doing the treble this season.
Keep the faith.
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Wow, the Daily Heil is aiming for new lows, as usual. They are leading tomorrow with “Arsenal victory soured by Walcott gesture”. WTF!?!? He displayed the friggin score with his hands, what’s offensive about that?
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Doesn’t surprise me Evil, they will do their best to fuck us up, meanwhile Maureen is doing his sucking up to the English media and they are falling for it hook line and sinker!
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@Evil
Theo’s gesture was no different to Bale’s back at Shite Fart Stain so why the mail see it as an headline article is a bit strange.
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@Passenal
The English media suck up to Maureen because they have very low standards. Anything that is gutter low is sucked up and spewed out as headline news. Even PG’s best mate JC is as bad
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What’s the latest on THEO/?
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