A guest parody post from Muppet
We iz in the crisis now at Arsenal, innit.? Cos of the gaffer, the big chief Gazidis with ze wodge of dough, and Kroenke dat comes ere once in de blue moon. We iz the fans, and we iz not happy with ze proceedings this summer. We haz a million days to sort out ze transfers, and if u don’t mind me sayin, we ain’t done diddily squat. We iz clever, the fans. We know ze situation. What is a happenin here is crastination. We iz holding out for da big playa, but it ain’t a comin, like the rooney hair on da head. Capice ?
If u were a scholar of history, like I iz, u know that ze Godfather never negotiated. He just chopped off the horses head, innit? Ze arsenal board need ze wisdom of da fans. I will offer me advice at any time, me is so skilled that I won the village championship manager competition 2 years in da row. We iz able to impart carefully honed brinkmanship skills learned on the street corner, negotiating for da finest afghan snow
Ze position is simple. Spend da dough and match ze number of players going out with ze number of players comin in. At the moment, ze numbers no match. We ship Coqulein to GermanyLand and Gervinho for da nice break in Rome. Almunia iz gone back to the circus. Now, me no good at arithmetic but that means we need 3 players already. Sanogo dont count cos he a injury no go. So we iz of the opinion that we still need 5 players. Now, we all knowz that Brazil is the best club side in history innit ? So we need players like Maradona, Cyruff, Zidane, Moore and the like. I iz propose that ze photos of these players are circulated to ze scouts, so they can look for players who look like them around the world. Simples.
Me Dad always used to sayz ‘Look after pounds son, and that will look after the pennies’. We iz of the opinion that from the millions in da vault, we got a huge bounty man. We can go shopping in the arrods. But, John Cross, the tabloid geezer innit, says we are shopping in Lidl.
Me number on ze waiting list is 993429034892384, but if we get a bad start, me threaten to pull out in protest. Ze club will realise dwindling support and mebbe sign Scott Parker before deadline. Dat is my current preyer, dat Scott Parker comes to da rescue. Cos man, I already place order for multi pack pants at Next. The Jury is still out on everyone else man. We about as ready for da new season as a stiff in da morgue.
I heard the news that we play Fenerbache and I nearly shat ma pants. What hope do weze have with the trukish mafia involved? Gazidis is a wallflower and we aint got any weapons. He ain’t no wartime consiglory. Diaby, Arteta are in da coma and Ox is in da hospital. Fook me. We iz going to need me supply of laxatives this season. We iz really pessimistic this season. Might borrow up and go abroad.
Seriously, innit? We got us as much chance as a hair on Ray Wilkins head. If ze board has listened to the fans after we went unbeaten the whole year, then none of dis would be happenin. A big stopper, an artic in front of the back 4 and a world class striker. This iz ze ope of the fans, but nobody iz listening. Piece. Woop Woop.
Muppet can be found on Twitter @MuppetGooner
Positively Arsenal 
Our players are getting a real kicking opening to the season
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Fenerbahce decided to borrow Villa’s play book. Injure as many as you can.
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Fuck, I hope Koscielny didn’t pop out his eye socket or some crazy shit like that.
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Kiss didn’t get hit in the mouth.
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Aaron is on fire. He’s finally playing for us like he plays for Wales.
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Not a bad half our walking wounded. A bit more focus and sharpness and we go home with a result. Must isolate THEO against his man a burn him on the counter with pace.
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Oh. I thought he took it in the mouth. Hope it isn’t too close to the eye.
On the positive, I think we can get a result here. Have to play to our strengths. Counter after soaking up pressure the way to go I think. Fener is doing that right now.
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I did that once in a game. Reverse kick to keep the ball in play and splat!! Kicked the guy smack in the face. Not a good feeling that. Knocked him out cold. But I never saw him coming.
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Arsene had a go at Webo. He called him a twat.
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Brilliant by Ramsey, what a pass. Destroyed them.
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@ G69
Fantastic. Good on Arsene.
Gibbo!
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Oh yah. Put them to the sword THEO AND GIBBSY.
Brave WOJO. these sob s aren’t pulling back any punches or kicks.
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Nothing. Not even a yellow.
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That Webo is really a piece of work. Kicks Szcz in the face and complains that he wants a pen.
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Love the leadership on display by Rosicky, pushing his team mates on to press deeper. To think that some wanted us to get rid of him just two seasons ago…
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And Ramsey scores. Perfect game for him.
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rambo!!! Yes!
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That how we do it baby. Fantastic shot Aaron. Boom shaka shaka. One now yellow Bruno. Basterd
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Shit. No goals allowed lads. Defend like hell
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Clean sheet please, boys!
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Fabulous match from Ramsey and gutsy performance from the whole team. Just what we needed, some order restored. 3rd goal would be nice to put it away. Poldi should get a run out, I hope.
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Excellent, penalty for Walcott!
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Wow, I can’t remember the last time I’ve seen an opposition goalie booked for time wasting but somehow Szcz got a booking now for doing what every other keeper does against us?
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And that’s the third. Very nice.
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3-0 to the ARSENAL
why the hell WOJO gets a yellow??
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That was a difficult save to pull off, well done Szcz!
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Evil that was Musa Sow.
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Especially impressive on a cow pasture of a pitch. And this is the start of the season!?
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Chesney staying alert
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Thaks LSG, confused them.
Another good save by Szcz, good to see that every single player is responding very well to what happened at the weekend.
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poldi on for a run about. Oh yah
WOJO earning his pay today.
NACHO man on.
Great game lads.
Regular service restored.
Crisis? Only one caused by an idiot referee.
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We have a right back playing at CB (doomer sneer). I’d buy a replacement RB and play Bacs at CB for the remainder of his Arsenal career. Dude has a vertical leap like nothing I’ve ever seen.
Fuck yah, Jenkinson.
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It’s funny, isn’t it, after all the talk from Fener and others, it’s obvious from their game tactics that they were terrified of us. Their ambition was to get away with a 0-0 draw.
3-0, fantastic result. Well done, boys.
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@FG
Yeah, at the end, they didn’t even try to score a goal, they were content keeping the ball around the centre of the pitch so they don’t concede even more at home. They had to play against being embarrassed.
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Sagna is a phenomenal athlete. He leaps like a flea, has the build of leopard and the strength of a lion. Mentally one of the toughest and most committed man in the squad. My admiration for him knows no bounds.
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Excellent win. Congratulations ARSENAL. momentum on. Bring on fulavam. Scotty ,we are gone beem you ass up….. Five feet in the air.
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Look at Tomas doing his duty as Czech captain and exchanging his shirt with his international teammate.
3-0 to the crisis club against Fener in Istanbul.
Ramsey. Let me get carried away and call him the new Zidane. Hahahahahahaha.
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And while that was going on Arsenal Ladies thrashed Doncaster Rovers Belles 6-0. Happy days!
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@ goonerkam
ha ha
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I just watched the game with a live link to Sensational Arsenal. A unique experience which further demonstrates the wonders of Arsenal. The bringing together of a fan, in India, who has work to go to a few hours from now staying up to watch the game, with a fan in England! The wonders of technology and Arsenal. Many thanks Sensational Arsenal, that by far was the most sensational game I have enjoyed.
The live link works, its great lets domit again wih more of us. This is Positively Arsenal!
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Santi’s passing was phenomenal.
Szczesny is like a fucking cat.
We went to Istanbul with a depleted squad, lost our best defender in the opening minutes and we still came out with a 3-0 win. Underestimate this team at your own peril. I have a feeling this will be a year where our detractors will eat tonnes of humble pie.
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Sheer joy.
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Well done Arsenal. Did not get to watch the game but 0-3 says it all.
Crisis my foot
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Next time you hear a doomer twat state that he always wants Arsenal to win show them this:
“The worst is going to be Pedro’s upbeat post tomorrow and something along the lines of:‘Arsene, now we’re guaranteed UCL football this year use it to sign some top class talent.’Yes. That is going to happen. Fuck it, horrible result. Fucking hell Fener, thanks a bunch you shits.”
Does this cunt get to celebrate if we win a title? Where do we separate this type of shit from real supporters?
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Well well well….
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We iz NOT in the crisis now, iz we?
Kudos to all, players & coaching staff….gooners
Scoreline reflects the effort.
Better team from start to finish.
Kos has a week to rest his face…
Rambo was immense
Fenerbache don’t deserve to be in the CL.
Well done all
…wazzit da shorts that did it?
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I want to discuss this while we celebrate St. Totteringhams day.
“Tottenham, the team that finished a point behind us with a wage bill £60 Million less than ours, who then went out and spent over £100 Million on players who’d ALL walk into our first team?That Tottenham…or a different Tottenham?”
Same asshole as above.
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Have been missing in action for a few days- iPhone on its death bed so am allowed to use daughters laptop for 5 mins!- What a fantastic performance from the boys tonight, so pleased for them and the manager, you know,this place is such a breath of fresh air amongst all the toxicity of twitter, blogs and the usual hateful media outlets-a big mention for Rambo tonight-Christ how good was he?!-lets enjoy it-big game on Saturday-can’t wait, be interesting now regarding CL qualification affecting transfer negotiations, by the way-a big mention for Muppets write-ups(some people still don’t get him do they?!)-just like the good old days muppet!-anyway gotta go- onwards & upwards and Up The Arsenal!!!
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Well well well indeed. Welcome back FRANK. where were you all summer? Found another spudnik I bet?
FUNGUN
hahaha. I am so elated. For the boys AW and the staff at ARSENAL. just what the doctor ordered baby••••
Ps.. The ladies did very well against Birmingham as well. Well done indeed.
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We need to go on a ten game win streak. And we need to beat the absolute piss out of the Spuds.
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