Imagine If Wenger Signed For Tottenham


By @shotta_gooner

Imagine there’s no heaven

It’s easy if you try

No hell below us

Above us only sky

Imagine all the people

Living for today…

-John Lennon

Did you know that on June 19th, Arsene Wenger celebrated 35 years of being a coach at the top level. Missed it? Not surprising because I could only find two of the mainstream newspapers in England, the Mirror and Independent, with any reports in their online editions. Can you imagine any other coach in England whose achievements came even remotely close to Arsene’s being given such scant regard? Instead we are treated to the daily spectacle of journos and pundits pandering and stoking the ginormous ego of Mourinho whose main achievement has been to assemble the most expensive football squads possible in four countries and thereafter bore to death all but the most partisan supporters of these clubs with his brand of functional, win-at-all-cost football.

But I am not here to bury Mourinho. I am here to demonstrate in no uncertain terms that we take Arsene too much for granted. After all he could have easily slipped out of our hands. Not many fans are aware that Arsene was once rejected for the job in 1995, before Bruce Rioch took over. According to a story by Richard Clarke on the dot com:

“The Frenchman was interviewed to take over from Stewart Houston, who had been in caretaker-charge since the departure of George Graham the previous February. However the Board decided to give the position to Rioch, who had built-up a solid CV at Bolton Wanderers.”

Fortunately for the club and for all of us who believe in the beautiful game, the Scot only lasted a season and, after a spell in Japan at Grampus Eight, Wenger returned to take over the reins at Highbury on October 1, 1996.

But I had a nightmare. What if Arsene had decided to say bollocks to the board, throw his marbles out the pram and do a George Graham by hiking it over to our neighbors on the Seven Sisters Road? In 1995-96 the long-haired, faux-hippie Gerry Francis was presiding over another ordinary run at the title finishing 8th at 61 points but only 2 points off Arsenal who finished 5th. What if Lord Sugar had the wisdom he now has (based on his recent tweets lavishing praise at Wenger at every opportunity) and decided to make the bold decision to make the young Frenchman, known for his modern, progressive ideas both at Monaco and Grampus the manager of his bedraggled club.

Can you imagine the Spuds being reinforced by a young Patrick Vierra from Juventus, a Wenger signing to be sure, while waiting until October 1996 to move officially to Spurs. It is easy to see Vierra transforming that midfield of journeymen (Colin Calderwood) and perennial sicknotes (Darren Abderton) into tyros?

Or one year later, the king himself, Thierry Henry, joining Teddy Sheringham into a lethal strike force? Think this is fanciful. The same Sheringham in 1997 transferred to United to strike up a formidable duo with Andy Cole. Four years later he had won three Premier League titles, one FA Cup, one UEFA Champions League. Hell’s bells. What if Wenger was his coach. He might even have become world class.

Imagine if Wenger’s first double in 1997-98 was at WHL instead of Highbury. God forbid. They can’t stop gabbing about their last double in 1960-61, 54 years 2 months and counting. To add insult to injury, with Wenger showing he could win titles unlike the neighbors, it could have been Tony Adams, not Sol Campbell, making the switch in 2001, on the eve of becoming an Invincible in 2003-04.

It is at this point the nightmare scenario became too much. Even for a non-Gooner, such success for the lily white cockerels is impossible to conceive. But Wenger has done the impossible at Arsenal; three league titles, 2 doubles, an Invincible season, 6 FA cup titles, and managing to keep us in the top four while sacrificing to pay for a stadium over 10 years. Is it inconceivable he could have had the same success at that perennial home of mediocrity? What if roles were reversed and the touchline at Arsenal FC was being graced by the likes of Juande Ramos, Harry Rednapp, Andre Villas Boas, Tim Sherwood et al. Simply different class.

In his newspaper interview celebrating his 35 years, Wenger modestly attributed his success to “luck.” If it was all down to good fortune then I urge the Spuds to keep turning the wheel of fortune in the hope they can land a Wenger Mark II. They have chewed up and spit out 17 managers since the boss signed up at Highbury House.

Of course there are some of us who think Arsene is an old washed-up dinousar, unable to lead us to future victories, even after his 6th FA cup victory last may. Maybe it is full-time we finally pack him off to Tottenham and let him try his luck. Who is willing to dare?

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84 comments on “Imagine If Wenger Signed For Tottenham

  1. You rogue Shotts – scaring all the boys and girls like that !

    Funnily enough Manu Petit really was on the point of signing for Spuds, contract drawn up, pen in hand, Alan Sugar whispering sweet nothings in her ear, until the black can turned up to whisk him off for a chat with Arsene.

    Who can say what could have happened but for the trick of fate.

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Oh stop it Shotta,

    I came here to catch up on the latest about the last article and saw the title.
    Whilst I knew it didn’t and wouldn’t happen, I still shivered at the very thought.

    With me you’re dealing with a person who’d liked to have had Arsène as my father.
    Or brother. Or friend…. Anything.

    I’m still waiting to meet him face to face, and tell him the extent of my appreciation of him coming to our club, and pointing out that his achievements are kinda overshadowed by his humanity. I keep thinking maybe one day I’ll wait for him by the car park exit with a chalk board saying the things I most admire about him.

    I’d like to ask him how he deals with all the corruption, refs, FA, the jealously, the lies – and remains an unembittered man, dedicated to Arsenal, and then – his family?

    No, I refuse to think about Arsène going to totty. Mind you, I never knew he’d been invited Arsenal previously.

    Thought provoking, Shotta. I’m smiling now. It’s ok Ranty. Don’t worry.

    Liked by 2 people

  3. Hope you guys enjoy this pisstake in the spirit of some great satirical work done by @Muppet years ago. Thank heavens it is not Friday the 13th.

    Liked by 5 people

  4. Gonzalo Jara eh ?
    I trust he will receive a lengthy ban.


  5. Oh come on Andy Nic. Jara only did what defenders have been doing for years. Did he bite, spit or racially abuse anyone/ Cavani was just stupid. End of.


  6. If I discovered any Arsenal defender inserting his finger into an opposition anus I would demand his immediate transfer.

    I can’t abide unhygienic


  7. Well in this sanitized made for tv football world, the do-gooders will be coming out of the woodwork wagging their fingers at Jara. No wonder when we go into games away from home and are surprised about the dirty tricks teams use to stop us playing.


  8. Fantastic stuff Shotta. The ‘what if’ piece I mean, not your take on the disgraceful behaviour of Jara and the ridiculous refereeing which followed I mean!
    Players should be allowed to properly chin any opponent giving them an uninvited prostate exam as long as the video evidence supports them.
    In any case Cavani barely touched him – he deserved a yellow for the dirty digit and a yellow for simulation. Cavani did absolutely nothing wrong.


  9. looks like Liverpool are signing Clyne for £12.5M, good deal for them, and they are building a fine team there this summer, if Sturridge stays fit next season LFC will be right in the hunt.


  10. Not a good piece to read just before lunch Shotta. My stomach’s still turning. Shall however send it to a few Spud mates to let them have there normal “if only” dreams!


  11. “their” not “there”


  12. “They don’t like it up ’em”


  13. Very thought provoking piece Shotta, football’s very own ‘Sliding Doors’ moment.

    Aside from the mountain of honours AW ring-fenced for the club, the other major ‘what if’ likely to have fallen to the wayside had the very laws of physics been so catastrophically amended to permit Arsene’s fantasy Middlesex berth, is the Emirates stadium.

    Bearing in mind this is years before the financial crash, the lending banks only stumped up the stadium construction costs on the precondition that Arsene signed a new and lengthy contract as manager of the club.

    Ergo, it’s not too fanciful that an Arsene inspired Spuds outfit would have had a big grown up stadium years and years ago whilst we remained, to this day, rattling around dear old Highbury, scratching around for 5th place in the league, making the most of the odd League Cup run, or Europa ‘success’ amid interminable re-runs (some in colour) of the glory days, a la Liverpool.

    It’s articles like Shotta’s that help lend perspective to the club’s achievements under Wenger.

    When blessed with what appears to be, in part, a seemingly myopic fanbase, that’s a useful thing indeed.

    Liked by 2 people

  14. That is not a nice post at all, Shotta. It could so easily have gone the other way, but perhaps also fair enough to give grudging respect to the Spuds for having remained so consistently almost in contention, and sometimes rather better than just that. I just sense that we will begin to see clear water again though.


  15. AA @ 1:03 pm – I was already horrified by the thought of them doing a season unbeaten, I refused to stretch my imagination to them getting a new stadium. Just imagine who would become perennial also-rans. No wonder Lord Sugar speaks so wistfully of Arsene being his choice of manager. He would have been the billionaire owner, not Kroenke. As for the WOBs, would they dare send Arsene over to the Spuds. They talk a good talk.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Tbf Shotta a fair few Tottenham fans I have spoken to, those that can speak and have opposable thumbs etc. they have had the same consideration.


  17. If Sugar had stayed in football then perhaps his marriage with AW could have worked.
    Ifs an maybes because it’s fairly easy to conclude that Levy & Lewis have been paying a different merry old game (net spend is simply preposterous), one that AW or AFC do not like to play.


  18. And if you polish that thoughtful nugget with some elbow grease and grit you will find the answer as to why AW turned down multiple offers from the Big Clubs as AFC embarked upon the build (in order to join them – please refer to Ozil and Sanchez) and other offers since then too (from Petro Clubs in the post build era – they couldn’t buy the gaffer so they bought adevayor and nasri etc.: I’m not the first to say it: genius!).

    Liked by 1 person

  19. if going without ARSENAL for a couple of months wasnt bad enough you have to fill our minds with this horror!
    A5, Emmanual even had the nerve to borrow the cab fare if myth is to be believed.
    Football ledgend is filled with what ifs and near misses like roman looking to buy the spuds imagine that incorperated with Arsene being their manager.
    But back to reality Arsenes ours and as much as the aaa dont like it he has lifted this famous club to another level. For a foreigner to do this is also the stuff of nightmares and thats why they will even promote a scotsman over him.

    Liked by 2 people

  20. I bloody love you Shotts,but you already knew that..I’m still chuckling away here.


  21. Mel – This is a mutual admiration society. I was hoping to get a laugh from you.

    PS: Ever since I wrote this 5 days ago I have been humming John Lennon’s tune. Such a pleasant song to soothe my anxieties. I recommend it to all of you reliving this nightmare scenario.


  22. Ian

    In case there’s any doubt about that we’ve seen 7am have to call out militant Groanets for their bigotry and xenophobia. It’s a shame that others didn’t have the footballs to do so, when it mattered.

    As feared this great Chilian team look like they’re going all the way.
    Sanchez might miss the first league game with Gazprom! Good thing we’ve got squad players like Walcott and Welbeck! Someone, somewhere, has had some kind of a plan…incredible eh?

    This chile team are kind of built around the former Udine stars Isla, Vidal and the youngest of the trio Sanchez. AFC were lucky that Udinese sold off the latter two weeks before that hardcore qualifier when jenkinson debuted opposite di natale.
    I’d prefer it of Jenks moved to the saints but Bilic knows his stuff so I guess he’ll have fun of stays in london too.


  23. Fins I thought Alexis doesnt do holidays so he,ll be available for pre-seasons tours, emirates cup and for ARSENAL x1’s against barnet and borehamwood. I expect to see him soon.

    Liked by 1 person

  24. Dan Smith you are undoubtedly a ******* ******* wan*** bitchcow.
    Not only did you assault Abou deliberately inc. intent, you set the standards by which the FA/PL judge fouls for Arsenal players.

    You are a dirty ****!

    See how the D Star give him space to moan, despite Smith having committed similar tackles in Aus (which they don’t mention):


    Sorry to sully this thread.


  25. Considering the spuds had a better team player for player I guess the Frenchy did ok.


  26. You bastard Shotts…..

    Anyway, Arsene was available to the tiny Totts! However, they apparently preferred Terry Venables. I’m not at home to search the biographies of Wenger to confirm that my memory is serving me well but it is in one of them. Maybe the same one that writes that Bergkamp’s preferred destination was actually Spurs because of his admiration for Glen Hoddle…..


  27. Holy heavens! Truly stuff of nightmares, gave me the shivers. Being humans I honestly don’t think its easy to consistently give full appreciation to very special persons, objects or events in our lives, but reading this just made me realise just how for granted I take the fact that Wenger signed for Arsenal and all that he’s done for the club. Just coming to the realisation that loving and respecting him while all cool and dandy still isn’t enough, he needs to be constantly praised and the fans regularly reminded of all he’s done and is till doing for the club. It could easily have been the other way around – the sp*ds with a brand new stad, the invincibles, enjoying beautifully played attacking football…etc… Damn!


  28. Is it possible to read through a whole article written by Phil mcnulty?


  29. Good point Apropos!

    Phil has had his thumb right up Liverpool’s backside for years now.


  30. George @ 3:34pm – This bastard loves you too. I would be very interested in the material you find on any link Arsene had with the Spuds. My research was confined to the net. Let me know what you find. Think I am gonna build a little library.

    Liked by 1 person

  31. Early detection of prostate cancer could be the difference between life and death.
    Jara should be applauded for his humanitarian ,above and beyond football ,approach instead of being vilified.

    At least he’s not homophobic 🙂


  32. Hell of a posting @shotta_gooner Great comments, too.


  33. LOL… scary thoughts… what can we say, but to be glad that he signed for arsenal instead cos i followed DB10 to arsenal and met AW and all the other greats thereby… whisper it.. perhaps DB10 would have been at spurs too and i would have also been lost to arsenal!

    Again.. glad he chose and has remained with arsenal instead… more years to him please.


  34. Tom @ 4:47pm – Bravo. El Matador can consider his annual prostate exam done and dusted. Only awaiting the results of the PSA test.


  35. To anyone who has had the misfortune of undergoing such an examination, only to then meet the rubber-gloved invader at a parents evening, and have to try to give a professional assessment of his son’s academic progress while all the while knowing that he knows that you know that he knows I can only give my heartfelt commiserations.
    It wasn’t easy.

    Liked by 2 people

  36. really love these silly headlines

    Tyrone Mings rejects Arsenal to sign for Bournemouth!


  37. Shotta, do you also write horror novels on the side? This scary “what if” gives Stephen King a run for his money.

    I think now, though, we have a new response to those who say AW’s lost it and they want him gone: “So you’d be ok with him going to Spuds next season, then?”

    Anicoll @ 12:39 – I’ve been waiting all day for someone to make the “they don’t like it up ’em” joke. Good job!

    Liked by 4 people

  38. There was a trio of articles in March 2013, starting with – Arsene Wenger: a funny kind of dictator!

    Shotta, did not seem to respond?

    Frank, did and I have not caught sight of him since, ALSO Paul N.

    It was a nice natter between Steww and Paul N!!


  39. i have to ne honest here. i propably would be spuds fan now. i started supporting after arsene became the manager and was won over by wengerball. the thought of being their fan makes me realise how lucky i am that he chose arsenal rather the shit club. especially after he was turned down for a manager who they thought had a better profile being a former bolton manager despite wenger’s record in monaco. sometime i wonder how some decision makers in england manage to get to their positions, just like many english pundits


  40. We have had the n-word and biting defence being part of the Uraquan culture so maybe a finger up the arse is an ancient tradition in those parts (geographically not biologically) I think I remember sir Alf getting upset about the same thing in 66 or has my memory got a bit misty. Anyway as the old saying goes one up the bum- no harm done


  41. A very scary thought. If that had happened, Jacks words would be “what do you think of Tottenham. Actually a bloody good team” doesn’t work too well does it.
    Still, at least the media would like Wenger if he were Spurs manager.

    Liked by 1 person

  42. the striker we need


  43. Nice link, Eduardo: if only Walcott could add goals to his game….


  44. Eduardo: that’s the point though, isn’t it? All the players look good on Youtube, but its only when they are your own player that you see all the bad bits too. I happen to think Walcott is a magnificent player, who could easily score 30 PL goals in an injury free season – but I can also remember countless occasions when he has missed goals when it would almost have been easier to tuck them away, as Trevor Brooking might say.

    But the fans want new signings because they remember the bad bits of Walcott (or whoever) and naïvely imagine that the new object of their desire plays forever in a fantasy bubble of perfect football. Which of course they don’t, and it only takes a few disappointing scorelines for the grumbles to start. The more I think about it, the more it seems like the way a relationship might go: feverish anticipation, a glorious honeymoon period, a slight tarnishing, an acceptance of reality – and with luck, determination and commitment, a long and happily fulfilled and fulfilling two-way process where true growth happens.

    Of course our own players fart in bed, or smoke in public, or get sent-off, or any of the other ridiculous and disappointing things that they do. But when they hit one top-corner after leaving the defender flailing in their wake to make it 1-0 to The Arsenal then it is worth a million you-tube wanks.


  45. Well said FH – our longest serving player deserves a little more faith from the fans than he has had. So much of TW’s career has been lost to injury though he desperately needs a long spell of uninterrupted football.

    He probably has not helped himself in that process by allowing his contract negotiations to be paraded across the media last time, with the nonsense from ‘Team Walcott’. This time it is more sober but even so I could do without it.


  46. spot on foreverheady, the grass is always greener with some fans, I notice a sustained campaign against Ramsey and to a lesser extent Walcott, by a large group of our fans, Ramsey is especially getting stick cos these idiots had to bottle it all up for a season where they just could not dare have a go at him, but most of last season and now this summer they are out in force across the web.
    For me the two best players I’ve ever seen play for Arsenal are Bergkamp and Henry, and I can remember both of them have awful games, missed chances that cost us games, big games too, Bergkamp in the FA Cup semi in 99, Henry more than once in the CL final 06, a mate of mine summed up a fault in Henry when he described the oh too often poor effort at goal with “a back pass to the keeper” type shot.
    Winning the league seems to mean the faults of the players are overlooked, not winning it and not only are faults exaggerated, some faults are even made up.

    This summer I want Arsenal to sign
    1. a foreign goalie for a small fee who is not his country’s first choice, who flopped the only time he moved abroad, and who has a suspect temperament

    2. an African youth who is a bit versatile, bit headless, not sure of his best position, who is an attacker at the moment but I want him played at CB

    3. a 20 year old midfielder who was good in his homeland but who only managed to play 2 games in a year for AC Milan – (total flop)

    4. a forward with a big reputation, brilliant in Dutch league, considered a flop in Italy but will still cost a bomb

    5. a wide player who was a bit part player for his country at the last world cup (2 games) and who flopped in Serie A, and I want him played as our main striker, even though he rarely even contests high balls let alone score headers.

    (Lehmann, Toure, Vieira, Bergkamp, Henry)

    and if we can not get that lot then what about

    1. a goalie given free transfer by leeds

    2. right back given free transfer by burnley, chester and bury and has never played in the top division

    3. a left back who did not manage a game for Birmingham or Oxford and was given free transfer by both

    4. a 25 year old CB who has spent the last 3 seasons in the championship

    5. a guy who played for Greenwich Borough and was almost 22 before coming into the pro game

    (Seaman, Dixon, Winterburn, Bould, Wright)

    imagine the fuss if AFC bought players with those careers behind them now, total meltdown from the AAA, even the “we want our Arsenal back” crew


  47. Most “we want “crew can’t actually remember what ARSENAL pre Arsene was or conveniently forget the long gaps between titles. If you offered most gooners 20 seasons plus finishing above the spuds (who back then were our rivals) they would have ripped your arm off.
    I’ve heard suggestions of supporters having to put up with the football of the last ten years once again forgetting some of the dire tripe we’ve had dished up in the past.
    While I’ll agree the commercialism in football is a sore I could do without fans should realise that’s not ARSENAL’s fault and selling a range of stuff to other fans does not help the club and is very hypercritical.
    Wengerball rules and hopefully long after he has gone


  48. Unfortunately Ian when 5Live put forward the depraved trinity of Barton Warnock and Mills to explain why England’s u21 players lacked “bravery” (I’m not making this up) many will continue to buy into this BullGr*t.

    Not one mention of coaching. Saying the woman’s team are playing well because they have and I quote “Passhun”.

    Afterwards they cut to the Canadian’s women’s team and asked what the big difference has been for them. They said: “our coach”, who comes from Newcastle upon Tyne.

    I couldn’t compose such a chronology ito expose their farcical disingenuous gibberish even if I tried.


  49. Testing 1-2-3! Is this thing on?


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