It would appear that someone has taken my “trying to teach quantum physics to parrots” quip and run with it.
Here it is then, a guest post from Jayfree LordGunner Szczesny via our partners at OTBAG. Enjoy, I did. PG
I set out in my own little way to try and teach quantum physics to parrots, seeing there are far too many these days. As an avid reader of this blog I may not hit the great heights of the usual writers but I will simplify it a bit to a level even the moaning parrots can understand. I do love history and a stat or two, but not today.
Rather, I’ll be looking at the period 2005 to now that created the Great Schism amongst our fan base.
In 2006 we reached our first ever Champions League final which was swiftly followed by a move to the majestic Emirates stadium coupled with a state of the art training ground in the shape of the Colney. However the lack of any trophy in the following years delivered a schism that showed the true colour of every Arsenal fan.
Judging by what detractors, moaners and haters have made of this period one would assume it has all been stagnation and mediocrity. This is very far from the truth with the club achieving so many club bests and records, not to mention the avoidance of the pitfalls that befall many a club following a change of stadium (e.g Man City, Wigan and Nottingham).
With the Anti-Arsenal crescendo growing there was emergence of a true and intelligent fan base to rival the camp made up of lazy journalists with half baked lies, moaners, glory hunters and other such filthy ilk. I prefer to call them the parrots, repeating the same old lies over and over in hope we all fall for them as gospel truths.
However, much to the chagrin of our club’s enemies, we stood firm in our faith and support.
The parrots seeing they were destined for an epic failure resulted to spreading doom and gloom. The other option for them was to label the true, faithful, loyal and intelligent fans as AKBs, blind, deluded, sycophants etc. This was a serious case of the blind choosing to ridicule the sighted for being far-sighted. It also leaves one asking: if our most decorated manager doesn’t know best then who does? The idle bloggers with zero games managed? The social media account holders who have become experts on scouting, injuries, signing, tactics etc. Or even the journalist who would earn more as a manager if he could but only put his footballing theories to the test.
Maybe it still remains to be seen who is deluded.
But when you sit there asking us not to support EVERY player in our shirt then you are clearly deluded. Delusion is a guy who has never even managed a Sunday school team having the arrogance to ask us to agree with all his doom and gloom, trust his untested opinion rather than that of our most successful manager. You can write a million blogs on surgery but I wouldn’t trust you over a proven surgeon, no day no way. Would you rather be a sycophant to a moaning blogger who knows next to nothing about managing a football team or a sycophant to a manager of the decade?
Wait, don’t answer that.
Some typical examples of parrot lies include the following gem: The players don’t have heart.
While this may be true of those who left us (like Adebayor, Cole, Nasri?) for more money or to ride on the backs of others for a quick trophy (Cesc, RvP?), it is certainly not true for those who stay and fight for the shirt. As you moan and throw your toys out of the pram, the likes of Diaby, Ramsey, Sagna stayed and put their bodies on the line for us. At the very least, they deserve our love, support and respect.
A common lie that we have all heard is that the club is not ambitious and Arsene has money to spend. Which of course he never spends, season in season out. I guess having a blog, working for a local tabloid or even owning a social network account makes you, as an individual more ambitious than those who actually kept us stable having overseen an ambitious move to a new stadium. A move, incidentally, others such as Spurs and Liverpool, are STILL struggling to make. If Arsene had kept back £60m every season, his mattress would have hit the ceiling by now. Anybody with half a brain will know we have not been in the financial shape to compete with Man Utd or the sugar daddy clubs.
Then somebody yells: even smaller clubs spend more than we do! And that is why you have Rangers, Portsmouth, Coventry, Leeds etc paying the price.
A realistic Arsenal fan – a sincere fan – would never ask the club to spend beyond our means knowing it could put us in a shallow grave.
The most comical parroted lies touch on the manager.
How many times have you come across this crap that the manager doesn’t do tactics, the manager doesn’t train defence or know how to buy a defender? But these people – many of whom write on social media, maybe the odd pundit who has failed as a manager or as a blogger who has managed zero games, knows less about tactics than a League Two manager, let alone Arsenal’s best manager and, again, incidentally, the EPL Manager of the Decade. Some of the best defenders in our history like Campbell, Toure, Cole, Lauren, Sagna, Koscielny etc, are all HIS buys. Holding the European record of 996 minutes, the unbeaten season, all apparently achieved without Arsene bothering to get around to training the defence are all obviously HUGE contradictions.
In all this I have discovered we have several types of parrots.
The first type of parrots are the Trophy Hungry Brigade who demand a trophy at all costs. They will use history to tell you we are a big club that fails if it does not get a trophy, yet they tell you don’t use recent history of Arsene trophies to appreciate him. Of this group Bergkamp wondered whether they love Arsenal or just Arsenal with trophies.
The second group are the Moaners. This is the most absurd group, crying and whining instead of supporting.
The Moaners crumble at the first sign of difficulty but are the FIRST to blast the players for not showing heart.
Moaning at every signing, every substitution and every line up. This group has already predicted Sanogo will flop. Amusingly, just like they did with Koscielny and many others before him. After predicting every player will flop they do get a perverted we told you joy when it doesn’t work out for a player. The hindsight moans after every line up and substitution could be the subject of a great satire. Ramsey has left them with egg on their faces, but even now, they STILL think they know best.
The third type are the Pseudo Experts – among them the bloggers, the journalists and managerial failures turned pundits. The first two use misleading headlines and twisted stories to spread their Anti Arsenal/Arsene agenda. The pundits talk too much over how practicing managers aren’t doing the simple A,B,Cs of the game whereas they failed or dare not try. Turns out it could just be peer jealousy. Arsene once said he “is paid to manage they are paid to talk”. Well we all know talk is cheap, so let them talk.
The fourth type are the trolls from other clubs who masquerade as Gooners to be part of the anti Arsenal/Arsene agenda. Their agenda is to act as a catalyst to self destruction, attempting crudely to push us over the edge. They paint a picture of an Arsenal fan who is always angry, frustrated or bitter with his club, management and players. Sadly for them, we see through them all.
The true genius of our manager has been seen in adversity.
The loyalty of our true fans has been seen in adversity.
The manager deserves to be hailed for the ambitious move to Emirates and how competitive he has kept us against all odds. Paul Kaye and his mates unveiled the ‘GEORGE KNOWS BANNER‘ not only as a tradition but a show of our class. True fans like myself never fear parrots and we always chant, ‘ARSENE KNOWS BEST’. We are never afraid or shy to proclaim always, ‘IN ARSENE WE TRUST‘. A true fan stands for something and never falls for anything or gets blown by the winds of doom and gloom. You will never find a better, stable and more successful 17 years in our history. Never forget it took us 44 years to build and rebuild for our first ever trophy.
On the subject of celebrating fourth, a certain King Henry made it clear that in our celebrations we were happy to prove our detractors wrong and to bamboozle the enemy, nothing more nothing less.
With better days ahead keep the faith and support Arsenal.
I can be found on Twitter as: @LordgunnerJefri
Jayfree LordGunner Szczesny (Facebook)