If you read last week’s non match day blog then you’ll be familiar with my approach to the close season. For those of you arriving late to the party here is a brief résumé. Whereas my usual function here at PA is to provide a brief literary distraction on the day of the match, during the close season I stray. I stray from the topic of football for a number of, to me at least, obvious and straightforward reasons. Chief among these is the incontrovertible fact that the football season is over and therefore we have no football to discuss. I also believe that we spend so long on the subject during the season that a little break is not only desirable but necessary to our continued enjoyment of the beautiful game. Like all recovering addicts I recognise the danger of strangling that which you love in a fevered bid to squeeze one last drop of pleasure from it.
I am aware that others disagree. They think they can fill the void that Arsenal leaves in their lives with meaningless speculation about the movement of players which takes place in something referred to as the transfer window. Others clutch desperately at the straws of international football while the people who write about the game whether in a professional capacity or simply for fun feel the need to endlessly rehash the events of the season just passed before switching to yet more meaningless guesswork about events yet to come.
This is all an elaborate form of masochism and I will have no part in any of it. Believe me a little rest does us all good. However, there are those of you who have suggested I might continue to provide you with some amusement at the weekend and as such I am writing a weekly diary of my non footballing activities. A glimpse of a wider world into which we may plunge once the antics of our favourite team have been suspended for the summer.
I don’t do anything particularly exciting you understand, but as I’ve mentioned before I am constantly amazed by just how much time is freed up when not obsessing about football. Since last week I have, for example, completed all three seasons of Banshee and am happy to report that it was utterly, gloriously ridiculous, filled with over the top cartoon violence and simulated sex of the highest order. A rollicking good dose of silly escapism in a world populated only by muscular men and pneumatic women straight from the catwalk. If you’re willing to suspend your disbelief at the alter of pure nonsense and good fun then this might just be the show for you.
One thing I am determined to do this summer is get out of the house rather than sitting in front of this damn screen and watching sport. Now you might think that consuming thirty episodes of Banshee in one sitting is a bizarre way of spending less time at the computer or the forty two inch flat screened Sony and you’d be right. What I mean is that on Saturday or Sunday I try to get out and go visit something. Anything really. Just go and see a little bit of the world outside of Wesley Avenue. Last weekend it was the turn of South Wales to welcome me and my trusty camera. I liked what I saw. Whether South Wales was equally excited by seeing me is more of a mystery.
My mum grew up in Tintern. Tintern is what my geography teacher would have doubtlessly referred to as a ribbon settlement. It is a strung out little village which meanders along the banks of the Wye only occasionally straying from the water’s edge to gain the odd foothold in the high sided, heavily wooded valley and then only on the western bank of the river. Which is a good job really as the Wye also marks the boundary between England and Wales. This being border country if the people of Tintern came from the other side they’d be English and being Welsh that would doubtlessly piss them off a little.
Mum has written an autobiographical text on growing up in this village and I found it a fascinating read. Not just because the thought of our parents having any sort of a life before we came into the world is a curiosity for us all, but also because it highlighted just what an incredible journey she has been on since childhood. The world in which she grew up has altered beyond recognition. One of the most striking examples of this occurred to me when I considered her other great interest which is genealogy. Now I know lots of people delve into aspects of their family tree and since the internet made this easier it has become a very popular hobby but my Mum does nothing by halves. While she hasn’t exactly uncovered the cave into which our prehistoric ancestors first dragged their Sunday lunch she has unearthed an enormous amount of detail on both past generations and relatives still living.
What struck me was how she sat communicating electronically with a distant and previously unheard of relative in Canada while converting the text of her book into a format said relative could easily open with her favoured software and here I was reading how, as a child in Tintern, Mum grew up in a house without electricity, sewage, gas or running water. She clearly remembers her grandmother tying her with a length of string by the wrist to the kitchen table when leaving her alone in the house in order to keep her from coming a cropper in the fire. She recalled their outside toilet which was a board over the stream and the copper heated over the fire on bath night. She prayed she wouldn’t be too far behind her father, four brothers and her sister in the queue to climb into the tub as the water soon became cold and none too clean. From such humble surroundings – and surroundings that were commonplace and not in any way unusual – she now edits her digital photographs using Photoshop, stays in touch with family and friends via Facebook and watches the goings on in her bird box via a wireless camera which sends a feed to her desktop.
I simply cannot imagine the contrast in how I lived as a young boy and the world I shall come to inhabit in my later years being quite so insanely different from one another.
Last weekend mum was heading back home (as she still refers to the village she left before I was even a twinkle in the milkman’s eye) to attend a school reunion. The village school, which had three classes and from which the only escape was in passing the eleven plus, was where she learned the three Rs and she and her remaining classmates meet up in one of the village pubs once a year to reminisce about the old days and have a good old moan about how the world has gone to shit rags since they were young and that kind of thing.
Now, Mum is quite capable of driving herself, but I ask you what kind of son would I be if I didn’t offer to go with her and see her safely over the bridge and into the land of dragons? Also it’s a free day out and the Wye Valley is one of the most beautiful places these islands have to offer. It is more than just the scenery though. There is a different pace to life over there, a different attitude. The people are possessed of a wonderful dry irreverence and are quick to see the humour in the most mundane of situations. I have been recognised by total strangers in pubs over there for a resemblance to my maternal grandfather. Once a chap plonked himself at the table my wife and I were sharing in the Moon and Sixpence, and, with no more preamble than putting down his pint, pointed me out with a thrust of his chin and said “You’re a Hayward”. I didn’t wish to correct him, pedantry is often mistaken for rudeness, and so confessed to my mothers maiden name.
On this latest visit the woman taking the entrance money at Tintern Abbey examined my English Heritage membership card with a studied and exaggerated theatrical scepticism more usually reserved for those working in passport control. She knew and I knew that Cadw and English Heritage have a reciprocal arrangement which allowed me access to the ancient ruins but the pantomime amused her and I’m all for that. It was the antithesis of that appalling sterile forced politeness with which big businesses these days insist their staff insult their customers. The ‘ Is there anything else I can help you with today sir’ culture which doesn’t allow for people to be human beings, preferring to straitjacket employees into a grotesque endlessly repeated role play which must make their lives hell and certainly ruins the experience for the person on the other side of the counter. I’d rather Basil Fawltey than a robot trained to within an inch of their life and not allowed to appreciate my finely tuned sense of humour.
The Abbey itself was splendid. Some early summer sunshine lit the stonework and white clouds drifted across what my kids call a Simpsons sky. The place is much bigger than it looks from the road and was once home to a thriving colony of Cistercians – it thrived sufficiently to send some monks off to start up new ventures notably in Kingswood in Gloucestershire and Tintern Parva in Ireland. Originally founded by the splendidly named Walter fitz Richard (Groucho Marx voice: Ah yes, but did Richard fit Walter?) (wiggle cigar) (waggle eyebrows) in 1131. In 1536 the Abbey fell victim to the act of Suppression which decreed that monasteries earning less than two hundred quid a year were ‘dens of iniquity’ and as such Tintern, which could only show an income of £192 was seized by the King. The King then handed it over to his mate Henry Somerset, earl of Worcester who immediately set about stripping the roofs for the lead and generally turning the old place over the the elements.
What is left is an arresting site. As you enter the village coming from the Severn Bridge it sits on the banks of the Wye below and to your right. As a child I passed it most weekends on visits to my grandparents. My dad was a man who firmly believed that if a gag ever earned him a laugh it must be comedy gold and as such deserved repeating. And repeating. As a result I cannot drive past Tintern Abbey without hearing him say, as he did without fail every time, ‘Look at that place son, they built that eight hundred years ago,’ pause for dramatic and comedic effect, ‘you’d think they’d have got the roof on by now’. It reached the point where my sister and I would take a break from giving each other Chinese burns in the back of the car and mouth the words along with him. It used to drive me insane. Now, I’d give anything to be able to hear him say it just one more time.
I took my camera and tripod, a mixed salad roll and a copy of Betjeman’s poetry into the grounds with me. Mum’s reunion would be bound to take a good few hours so I had time to relax and enjoy the spectacle and hopefully get a couple of decent shots. This must have been some place when it was up and running. The interior would have been enormous and it is such a shame to see so magnificent a building laid so low. However, just as an ostensibly decrepit fifty two year old overweight man can actually be surprisingly attractive and interesting to members of the opposite sex if only given a chance, there was something beguiling about the ramshackle remains. To stand within the once great hall and be surrounded by views through the ravaged windows and open doorways by the green of the wooded hills and to look up at the blue sky and white clouds framed by the walls was just wonderful.
Once mum had finished her reunion and added a new bunch of silver surfers to her Facebook friends list we did a little family visiting, pausing only for her to enjoy a go on a rope swing which hung from the branches of a conker tree. As she flew precariously out towards the slow moving deep green waters of the Wye I wondered if instead of taking a picture of this madness I ought perhaps to intervene. I was however reminded of the words of a friend of mine who took me to task for suggesting he and I were getting a bit too old to be out every weekend on our mountain bikes, especially given the perilous nature of the downhill courses we attempt to ride. Stew, he said to me, you don’t stop because you get old, you get old because you stop.
Positively Arsenal 
December
5 Sunderland (H)
12 Aston Villa (A)
19 Man City (H)
26 Southampton (A)
28 Bournemouth (H)
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January
2 Newcastle (H)
12 Liverpool (A)
16 Stoke (A)
23 Chelsea (H)
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February
2 Southampton (H)
6 Bournemouth (A)
13 Leicester (H)
27 Man Utd (A)
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March
1 Swansea (H)
5 Tottenham (A)
12 West Brom (H)
19 Everton (A)
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April
2 Watford (H)
9 West Ham (A)
16 Crystal Palace (H)
23 Sunderland (A)
30 Norwich (H)
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May
7 Man City (A)
15 Aston Villa (H)
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http://www.ipswichstar.co.uk/sport/video_ipswich_town_in_advanced_negotiations_with_teenage_arsenal_winger_1_4114529
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reports that Vidal wrote off his car in a crash and he was arrested for drink driving, maybe that will kill of the Arsenal rumors
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James Dall @JamesDallESPN 3h3 hours ago
Arsenal Prem fixtures after UCL group stage matches: Chelsea (a), Man Utd (h), Everton (h), Tottenham (h), Norwich (a), Aston Villa (a).
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Commendable effort by the computer – it is sensible to make CL clubs play each other after UCL midweek games – stops them whining about the fixture list being unfair
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eddy 9:44am
That kind of behaviour would have made Vidal ideal Arsenal material in the Old Skool days
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Andrew,
You might be stretching the assumption that Man Utd will actually get into the group stage.
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Good point DC – they may be out of Europe altogether or just recovering from a Thursday night game in Azerbijan – I see they get to lock horns with poor Brendan early – that could be a decider for first sacking of the PL season.
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Gazprom away early doors, you know that half of their CL group will be composed of other Gazprom franchises, their CL schedule has not been as demanding as the other PL clubs for a few years now,
but that didn’t stop the specialist from fooking it all up his first season back!
Needs must I suppose, the specialist in signing players from his beloved Dpacial Agent needed to sign some new players first! Spend some serious Wonga. Oh my what a surprise Gazprom sign up the hobbling slave-mule Falcao who chose (was told to follow, by his Owner) the opposite path for recovery from the same injury Walcott had. We are all already noticing the differences. Slave. Mule. Signed up from the special agent no less!
Rich slaves are not a new concept for those confused. There have been slave-king dynasty’s (AWOL!) in Delhi and other places for hundreds of years. Etc. Throughout history.
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Almost feel sorry for the Appy Ammers, by their season starts on the 2nd July with the opening round of the Europa League. In all, and assuming they can overcome the might of the likes of Prodes Niederkorn and Dinamo Batumi, they will have four Europa ties already played before arriving in N5.
The curse of FAT Sam I suppose.
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hammers at home first game of the season could be tricky. First games of the season are always unpredictable and add in WH have a old boy new manager and will have already played Europa cup matches could mean they’re further down the fitness line than us.
After that another London derby and noisy palaces first home game
Liverpool will bring a raft of new signings to us and we all know how Stoke and Manure can cause trouble. Chelski away just after a CL game means this is one of our most difficult starts for years and all without Sanchez, however the last ten games look better than we’ve had for a while so maybe this run in is ours.
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Let’s see who we get in the CL draw before we start to quibble too much.
Worst case is
Pot 1: Barca or Bayern
Pot 3 Shakhtar, Kiev or Olyimpakos (travel wise)
Pot 4 Wolfsberg, Monaco, Roma or God knows who makes it out of the qualifying rounds
lots of alternatives are better than this worst case: for instance PSV, Lyon and Genk would do nicely, but I’m sure Chelsea or City have purchased that draw already.
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I was on tender-hooks with regard to fixture list. I see we will play each team twice……
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not just the opponents but chelski will play tuesday at home we will play wednesday away always happens
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I would not stress about it AoB – because of their early exit from the FA Cup (snigger) Chelsea had a week off before both midweek PSG games this year – much good it did them.
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ALL the matches may start at 3.00 pm on a Saturday???
Until
Before the start of the season, the Fixture List will also be examined to identify any Barclays Premier League matches that may need to alter to accommodate midweek UEFA Europa League fixtures, up to and including the Group Stages. These changes are then officially announced after each club’s European fixture dates have been confirmed by UEFA.
This is particularly relevant for any clubs participating in the UEFA Europa League, where the majority of matches take place on Thursday evenings. The club’s next Barclays Premier League fixture will then often be played on a Sunday, to allow a proper break between matches.
Then, and only then, can we gauge how any travelling arrangements may affect the Arsenal.
The majority of the BPL clubs, will have a 5/7 day recovery time. I would anticipate that these clubs may cause upsets. It can be Sunday at home, then Tuesday or Wednesday, away to some far off venue, then away for an early Saturday shift to Stoke, for example.
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NOTH
The spuds usually have right old mares on the Sunday after their away game on Thursday night in the less fashionable backwaters of people’s democratic republic of Eastern Narnia, Bezerkistan or Brobdingnag.
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No big chunk of heavy games in a row in the fixture list.
Could have been a lot worse for us, just look at Liverpool’s first 7 games.
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Sam @samuelJayC 26m26 minutes ago
Just remembered that Suarez received £40k fine for racial abuse. So @FA say that calling Spurs “shit” is as bad as racism. Interesting.
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Other than the 8 match ban yeah Sam – very thought provoking
Is there some point in pasting this sort of shite eddy ? I don’t follow
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Get a grip – Jack gets pissed – Jack says rude word – Jack gets charged – Jack admits offence – Jack gets fined – Jack could not give a fuck – as he pays a vast % of his income in tax and NI his accountants minimise the loss – I chain myself to some railings
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£40,000 does seem excessive to me for saying ‘shit’. Worse things are said on a daily basis without any action being taken. Who exactly was he ‘inciting’? Arsenal fans sing that several times during the course of every match! It’s not like he was saying it to an audience of spurs supporters who might have reacted negatively and gone on a rampage in response.
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A ridiculous amount of money – pity he ever said it – pity they ever bothered charging him – but there we are – once they charged him and he admitted it the only question was the punishment – daft as you say
On the other hand how would you attract the attention of someone earning what Jack earns ( insert £000 figure) ?
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I get that Andrew, but relative to other punishments it seems disproportionate. It probably has more to do with offending the sensibilities of spurs supporting @FA members. It strikes me that liverpool and spurs seem to dominate the corridors of power and influence.
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First 38 fixtures all 114 points please. That will do.
Cech, organiser dm and killer forward
Epl invincibles II , ECL#1 , f.a cup #13
Arsene Trebler
Get Klopp and put him next to Steve And Wenger to learn the Arsenal possession system and the club’s values and then in 3-5 years time he can add his rock and roll, death metal punk rock pressing and contra attack methods for various set-ups.
Ajax, Barcelona, Arsenal…evolution of football. Wenger squaring the circle.
Do not question the Master.
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Right Boys and Girls – I am off for the weekend to Brussels and the ‘celebrations’ for Waterloo.
I shall pop my head in from time to time.
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Ha, Ha, Ha. Twitter is afire with reports of Cech signing and Ospina leaving. Watch this space.
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The wrong side won , Andrew.
Just look at the Treaty of Vienna.
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why? Am not happy about these cech romours
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Ospina is in the middle of a football tournament on to other side of the world.
I call BS on him leaving for anywhere else soon.
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i wonder why myself… Cech should kindly go to PSG with much love form us
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DC
Do you mean the mean eeeedjiot who didn’t want to sell demba Ba to AFC when he heard that they were ahead of the que for Özil (Auld Scrooge had been making free Skype calls, from a beach, somewhere…) will obviously be willing to sell them player now?
I’m sure that the specialist is signing players signed to special agents* only a pattern will be willing to sell any old player doesn’t matter who to AFC now that they have made those statement of intent thingymajobbies by signing first Özil then Sanchez?
Did I ever mention that Alexis Sanchez was my fantasy signing. I’m still in bliss.
did you all see that assist in Chile’s first game? He is learning to pass too! Colney working it’s magic upon his boots. He might be missing for the first month of the season if Chile make the final? Thank the football gods that Walcott was never going anywhere.
*Funny how none of the hack dwarves, the only hacks, the only people apart from Gazprom fans who appear to like this clown in the whole of world football, they never ever mention the FACT that he sells players not signed to his favourite agent in order to buy players signed to his favourite special agent. That is only a teeny weeny bit incredulous. The Manchester Grunt leading the charge of the agents’ propagandists by claiming that Falcao represents a good investment. For some I am sure that is true! I wonder what odds the bookies would give me if I bet that they don’t mention his injury and untried and tested rehab he chose in order to facilitate these transfer loans in the article. It is all, just a little bit uncredible.
Which is why I agree with Steww!
The cricket has been fun.
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This guy doesn’t appear to be the full shilling:
http://www.bbc.com/sport/0/football/33163281
perhaps he need to keep more up to date with Arsenal’s affairs, or stop reading le grove.
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Can’t imagine that someone who owes their fortune to the Anglo American Petro chemical industries will be outbidding one of America’s feudal overlords in order to secure his relatively meagre fortune (which he owes to the above) in a very valuable London/UK asset/industry. Maybe Fizman knew what he was doing? Better the devil?
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Perhaps in fifty odd years after AW posthumously releases his sensational autobiography the story of that deathbed haggle between Kronke and Fizman will come to light?
I doubt it. Still it’s a shame the billions of Experts out there have never had a good go at guessing what happened during one of the most important meetings in the modern era of the club’s history.
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How the fuck did he become a billionaire?
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People must have posted him their bank account details, George.
“Once the oil refinery is working, we will have enough money to buy Arsenal”
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At the current market price of £30k a share, Stan’s pile is worth £1.3 billion.
Perhaps the fat Uzbek might sell his useless 30%
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How to become a Billionaire? On the backs of ordinary people especially the poorest and most oppressed.
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How someone can keep insisting they will buy a product not for sale is certainly ay beyond me… is it by force?
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The oil refinery has still to be built and then operational! IF!!!
On the 22nd July 2014, Mr Justice Cranston threw out The Arsenal proposal to conduct upto 6 concerts per year at The Emirates.
SO, what do we do with a problem like The Emirates?
Cost, I do not need to mention it plus an annual maintenance charge in excess of £10 millions?
The Emirates sits silently as it is unused for about 330 days per annum and 80% of weekend days!
Stan the main man, is not waiting for some “IF” guy to turn up, is he?
Enter the experts, Kroenke Sports & Entertainment LLC.
Football at The Emirates is not restricted and is unlikely to take place 365 days of the year.
Ergo, Category A games are screened at The Emirates, when the Arsenal are playing away.
Concerts apparently generate over £7 millions gross, per concert. A football match about half!
As David Smith, the Inspector stated, as an existing source it is right that the Emirates should be used as fully as it reasonably can be.
I should point out that the Tollington Bar and Restaurant, claim an increase of 66% for football, over concerts.
Source: Appeal Ref: APP/V5570/A/13/2202521 and of course, Case No: CO/835/2014.
With the carve-up of the EPL fixture list, YOU know it makes sense!
COTG
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it seems Arsenal goalkeeping coach Tony Roberts is joining Swansea, he will be a big loss
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David Seaman @thedavidseaman 8h8 hours ago
Can’t believe @Arsenal have let @Keepersworld Tony Roberts go!!! #bestcoachbyamilethere!!
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RYO AND AJAYI LEAVE CLUB PERMANENTLY
Ryo Miyaichi has signed for German 2. Bundesliga club FC St. Pauli, while Semi Ajayi has completed a move to Cardiff City.
Ryo joined Arsenal in January 2011 and made a total of seven first-team appearances for the club.
The 22-year-old Japanese winger also featured in a number of pre-season games for the Gunners, scoring in a 3-1 victory over Nagoya Grampus in the Asia Tour 2013 in front of a home crowd.
Ryo, who has represented Japan twice at senior level, had loan spells with Feyenoord, Bolton Wanderers, Wigan Athletic and FC Twente while with the Gunners.
Ajayi joins the Bluebirds after impressing on loan with the club in the final weeks of the 2014/15 season.
He featured four times for Cardiff’s under-21 side, scoring a brace on his debut, and featured in the first-team squad for the club’s final league match of the season, away to Nottingham Forest.
Ajayi joined Arsenal from Charlton Athletic’s academy in 2013 and was a regular for the under-21s last term. The Nigeria Under-21 international was also involved in a number of first-team matchday squads during his time at the club.
EveRyone at Arsenal would like to thank both Ryo and Semi for their contributions to the club, and wish them well for their future careers.
image:
Copyright 2015 The Arsenal Football Club plc. Permission to use quotations from this article is granted subject to appropriate credit being given to http://www.arsenal.com as the source
Read more at http://www.arsenal.com/news/news-archive/20150618/ryo-and-ajayi-leave-club-permanently#tSOCsKf854F8HhDL.99
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