If you read last week’s non match day blog then you’ll be familiar with my approach to the close season. For those of you arriving late to the party here is a brief résumé. Whereas my usual function here at PA is to provide a brief literary distraction on the day of the match, during the close season I stray. I stray from the topic of football for a number of, to me at least, obvious and straightforward reasons. Chief among these is the incontrovertible fact that the football season is over and therefore we have no football to discuss. I also believe that we spend so long on the subject during the season that a little break is not only desirable but necessary to our continued enjoyment of the beautiful game. Like all recovering addicts I recognise the danger of strangling that which you love in a fevered bid to squeeze one last drop of pleasure from it.
I am aware that others disagree. They think they can fill the void that Arsenal leaves in their lives with meaningless speculation about the movement of players which takes place in something referred to as the transfer window. Others clutch desperately at the straws of international football while the people who write about the game whether in a professional capacity or simply for fun feel the need to endlessly rehash the events of the season just passed before switching to yet more meaningless guesswork about events yet to come.
This is all an elaborate form of masochism and I will have no part in any of it. Believe me a little rest does us all good. However, there are those of you who have suggested I might continue to provide you with some amusement at the weekend and as such I am writing a weekly diary of my non footballing activities. A glimpse of a wider world into which we may plunge once the antics of our favourite team have been suspended for the summer.
I don’t do anything particularly exciting you understand, but as I’ve mentioned before I am constantly amazed by just how much time is freed up when not obsessing about football. Since last week I have, for example, completed all three seasons of Banshee and am happy to report that it was utterly, gloriously ridiculous, filled with over the top cartoon violence and simulated sex of the highest order. A rollicking good dose of silly escapism in a world populated only by muscular men and pneumatic women straight from the catwalk. If you’re willing to suspend your disbelief at the alter of pure nonsense and good fun then this might just be the show for you.
One thing I am determined to do this summer is get out of the house rather than sitting in front of this damn screen and watching sport. Now you might think that consuming thirty episodes of Banshee in one sitting is a bizarre way of spending less time at the computer or the forty two inch flat screened Sony and you’d be right. What I mean is that on Saturday or Sunday I try to get out and go visit something. Anything really. Just go and see a little bit of the world outside of Wesley Avenue. Last weekend it was the turn of South Wales to welcome me and my trusty camera. I liked what I saw. Whether South Wales was equally excited by seeing me is more of a mystery.
My mum grew up in Tintern. Tintern is what my geography teacher would have doubtlessly referred to as a ribbon settlement. It is a strung out little village which meanders along the banks of the Wye only occasionally straying from the water’s edge to gain the odd foothold in the high sided, heavily wooded valley and then only on the western bank of the river. Which is a good job really as the Wye also marks the boundary between England and Wales. This being border country if the people of Tintern came from the other side they’d be English and being Welsh that would doubtlessly piss them off a little.
Mum has written an autobiographical text on growing up in this village and I found it a fascinating read. Not just because the thought of our parents having any sort of a life before we came into the world is a curiosity for us all, but also because it highlighted just what an incredible journey she has been on since childhood. The world in which she grew up has altered beyond recognition. One of the most striking examples of this occurred to me when I considered her other great interest which is genealogy. Now I know lots of people delve into aspects of their family tree and since the internet made this easier it has become a very popular hobby but my Mum does nothing by halves. While she hasn’t exactly uncovered the cave into which our prehistoric ancestors first dragged their Sunday lunch she has unearthed an enormous amount of detail on both past generations and relatives still living.
What struck me was how she sat communicating electronically with a distant and previously unheard of relative in Canada while converting the text of her book into a format said relative could easily open with her favoured software and here I was reading how, as a child in Tintern, Mum grew up in a house without electricity, sewage, gas or running water. She clearly remembers her grandmother tying her with a length of string by the wrist to the kitchen table when leaving her alone in the house in order to keep her from coming a cropper in the fire. She recalled their outside toilet which was a board over the stream and the copper heated over the fire on bath night. She prayed she wouldn’t be too far behind her father, four brothers and her sister in the queue to climb into the tub as the water soon became cold and none too clean. From such humble surroundings – and surroundings that were commonplace and not in any way unusual – she now edits her digital photographs using Photoshop, stays in touch with family and friends via Facebook and watches the goings on in her bird box via a wireless camera which sends a feed to her desktop.
I simply cannot imagine the contrast in how I lived as a young boy and the world I shall come to inhabit in my later years being quite so insanely different from one another.
Last weekend mum was heading back home (as she still refers to the village she left before I was even a twinkle in the milkman’s eye) to attend a school reunion. The village school, which had three classes and from which the only escape was in passing the eleven plus, was where she learned the three Rs and she and her remaining classmates meet up in one of the village pubs once a year to reminisce about the old days and have a good old moan about how the world has gone to shit rags since they were young and that kind of thing.
Now, Mum is quite capable of driving herself, but I ask you what kind of son would I be if I didn’t offer to go with her and see her safely over the bridge and into the land of dragons? Also it’s a free day out and the Wye Valley is one of the most beautiful places these islands have to offer. It is more than just the scenery though. There is a different pace to life over there, a different attitude. The people are possessed of a wonderful dry irreverence and are quick to see the humour in the most mundane of situations. I have been recognised by total strangers in pubs over there for a resemblance to my maternal grandfather. Once a chap plonked himself at the table my wife and I were sharing in the Moon and Sixpence, and, with no more preamble than putting down his pint, pointed me out with a thrust of his chin and said “You’re a Hayward”. I didn’t wish to correct him, pedantry is often mistaken for rudeness, and so confessed to my mothers maiden name.
On this latest visit the woman taking the entrance money at Tintern Abbey examined my English Heritage membership card with a studied and exaggerated theatrical scepticism more usually reserved for those working in passport control. She knew and I knew that Cadw and English Heritage have a reciprocal arrangement which allowed me access to the ancient ruins but the pantomime amused her and I’m all for that. It was the antithesis of that appalling sterile forced politeness with which big businesses these days insist their staff insult their customers. The ‘ Is there anything else I can help you with today sir’ culture which doesn’t allow for people to be human beings, preferring to straitjacket employees into a grotesque endlessly repeated role play which must make their lives hell and certainly ruins the experience for the person on the other side of the counter. I’d rather Basil Fawltey than a robot trained to within an inch of their life and not allowed to appreciate my finely tuned sense of humour.
The Abbey itself was splendid. Some early summer sunshine lit the stonework and white clouds drifted across what my kids call a Simpsons sky. The place is much bigger than it looks from the road and was once home to a thriving colony of Cistercians – it thrived sufficiently to send some monks off to start up new ventures notably in Kingswood in Gloucestershire and Tintern Parva in Ireland. Originally founded by the splendidly named Walter fitz Richard (Groucho Marx voice: Ah yes, but did Richard fit Walter?) (wiggle cigar) (waggle eyebrows) in 1131. In 1536 the Abbey fell victim to the act of Suppression which decreed that monasteries earning less than two hundred quid a year were ‘dens of iniquity’ and as such Tintern, which could only show an income of £192 was seized by the King. The King then handed it over to his mate Henry Somerset, earl of Worcester who immediately set about stripping the roofs for the lead and generally turning the old place over the the elements.
What is left is an arresting site. As you enter the village coming from the Severn Bridge it sits on the banks of the Wye below and to your right. As a child I passed it most weekends on visits to my grandparents. My dad was a man who firmly believed that if a gag ever earned him a laugh it must be comedy gold and as such deserved repeating. And repeating. As a result I cannot drive past Tintern Abbey without hearing him say, as he did without fail every time, ‘Look at that place son, they built that eight hundred years ago,’ pause for dramatic and comedic effect, ‘you’d think they’d have got the roof on by now’. It reached the point where my sister and I would take a break from giving each other Chinese burns in the back of the car and mouth the words along with him. It used to drive me insane. Now, I’d give anything to be able to hear him say it just one more time.
I took my camera and tripod, a mixed salad roll and a copy of Betjeman’s poetry into the grounds with me. Mum’s reunion would be bound to take a good few hours so I had time to relax and enjoy the spectacle and hopefully get a couple of decent shots. This must have been some place when it was up and running. The interior would have been enormous and it is such a shame to see so magnificent a building laid so low. However, just as an ostensibly decrepit fifty two year old overweight man can actually be surprisingly attractive and interesting to members of the opposite sex if only given a chance, there was something beguiling about the ramshackle remains. To stand within the once great hall and be surrounded by views through the ravaged windows and open doorways by the green of the wooded hills and to look up at the blue sky and white clouds framed by the walls was just wonderful.
Once mum had finished her reunion and added a new bunch of silver surfers to her Facebook friends list we did a little family visiting, pausing only for her to enjoy a go on a rope swing which hung from the branches of a conker tree. As she flew precariously out towards the slow moving deep green waters of the Wye I wondered if instead of taking a picture of this madness I ought perhaps to intervene. I was however reminded of the words of a friend of mine who took me to task for suggesting he and I were getting a bit too old to be out every weekend on our mountain bikes, especially given the perilous nature of the downhill courses we attempt to ride. Stew, he said to me, you don’t stop because you get old, you get old because you stop.
Positively Arsenal 
A great read Stew. Beautiful part of the country which I know less well than I would like. Some brilliant walking, check out Goodrich castle next time ( if you have not already) and you are in the area. Wordsworth eat your heart out.
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Andrew, I spent a week in and around Symonds Yat and so am familiar with Goodrich. It is, as you say, a beautiful part of the country.
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I am inspired to leave the house. For that alone Stew, you have my wife’s eternal gratitude.
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I really did enjoy reading that particular since it was most educating for those of us reading from afar…. the beauty of the internet indeed
Well written and a good break for those of us at work daily
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Though absent long,
These forms of beauty have not been to me,
As is a landscape to a blind man’s eye:
But oft, in lonely rooms, and mid the din
Of towns and cities, I have owed to them,
In hours of weariness, sensations sweet,
Felt in the blood, and felt along the heart,
And passing even into my purer mind
With tranquil restoration:—feelings too
Of unremembered pleasure; such, perhaps,
As may have had no trivial influence
On that best portion of a good man’s life;
His little, nameless, unremembered acts
Of kindness and of love.
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foreverheady – I think it was his finest hour – if you ever get chance read the poem whilst sitting on Chapel Hill or on the Devil’s Pulpit while overlooking the abbey. Perfect!
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Thank you Steww. A bit harsh on us football addicts but a necessary switch on the backsides. My octogenarian Mum would perhaps approve of your method although these days she is very embarrassed when she is reminded of one of her favorite methods of keeping her kids online.
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Lest there be any hesitation this forum remains open for football comments, Arsenal chat or just the usual WOB bashing
On that theme I see Aaron cleaned up with 48% of the vote in the club goal of the season poll for his perfect strike in Istanbul – the people have spoke and unlike in other recent polls I fully approve.
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Lovely stuff Stew.
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great again Steww, nuff said
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‘Thoroughly enjoyed this, Stewart’ from ‘Auntie Rosemary (the one who kindly gave you a drum for your 3rd birthday, to the dismay of your Mum & Dad)’
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Lovely stuff steww and funnily enough I am also in Wales this weekend! Just been to the home of Gavin and Stacey in Barry and to Penarth. Good fun with friends and no football talk despite the overcast weather of a proper British summer day!
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pass – Barry is great isn’t it? Like walking through an episode of Gavin and Stacey.
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how the mighty have fallen and the minnows have arisen in this euro group, who would have thought that in that group the Faroe Islands would after all teams have played six games, be on six points, and Greece only have two.
1 Romania 14
2 N.Ireland 13
3 Hungary 11
4 Faroe Islands 6
5 Finland 4
6 Greece 2
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Nice read that really is a wonderful place.
PS congratulations,on making the national press…..if that’s what some call The Daily Mirror!
http://www.mirror.co.uk/sport/row-zed/jackson-martinez-rumours-prompt-arsenal-5875673
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Mandy Dodd – As far as George is concerned there is nothing like bad publicity. I doubt that Daily Mirror tweeter would dare take him on one v one.
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Shotta, I am sure you are right, but it seems not just the Daily Mirror, but the Washinton Post as well!
http://www.washingtonpost.com/blogs/early-lead/wp/2015/06/12/two-arsenal-fans-try-to-understand-the-concept-of-birthdays-in-ridiculous-twitter-argument/
Apologies if this is old hat for some, have had a couple days behind the times on all things Arsenal, but good to see such a great site going global media wise
Let’s see if the Daily Mirror or Wash Post will take on George!
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Steww
What a lovely piece on this Sunday morn. Like you I need a break from football at the end of the season. I need to take a good, deep breath and do other things. Who knows you may have inspired me to write a piece, a ‘prequel’ to ‘My Arsenal’ I wrote a few moons ago for PA. The problem is, however, I spend all my working hours reading and writing in front of a monitor and because of this I ‘force’ myself to do more physical activities.
Love the photos…..your mother’s story is not so different from my mother’s even though hers happened in a mountain village, on an Aegean island, just before and during the Second World War……..who knows? Maybe?
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I understand the Washington Post and that Daily Mirror are George’s “preferred” media partners as Mike Ashley would say.
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Yes Steww
Both this piece and part 1 rocked my boat. Excellent.
The photos are magnificent too. I’m tempted to list phrases from this essay that send my head spinning, but I’d end up just copying the whole blooming article, so I’ll just have to settle for reading this again tonight, and tomorrow…
I’ve only now seen the 28/29 discussion due to MD’s link to the Mirror. Has George ever been so pedantic? I love it. And yes, the likely exposure to PA, due to publicity via WP & DM is wonderful, especially as any jealous naysayers won’t be able to reply,which in turn means that those of a positively Arsenal nature who haven’t previously known – will find a safe and intelligent haven.
(And Steww’s superb holiday ramblings).
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http://dailycannon.com/2015/06/watch-ozils-german-hattrick-assists/?
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I shall fight on the beaches,
I shall fight on the landing grounds,
I shall fight in the fields and in the streets,
I shall fight in the hills;
I shall fight them on twitter
I shall fight them on blogs
I shall never surrender..
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Quite an honour, the paper that broke the Watergate scandal now puts its focus on Pedantic George
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Ah yes George
that great Churchillian speech from the war of 1940 – 1946.
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Lovely photos Steww.
Also good to see Arsenal PLC are keeping radio silent over any transfer dealings that might be done.
I am sure Arsene will want to see some players in the shop window of the Copa America, even if it’s just to kick the tires.
The football summer is still dragging on – the last UEFA qualifiers are on this Sunday – still time for more injuries!
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never in the field of digital combat have the inaccuraces of so many been pointed out by the knowledge of so few
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so someone types up an article that Giroud is not good enough and includes the following line as proof of his opinion being correct on the subject shows everything that is wrong with Arsenal blogs
“The fact that the ones who believe in him actually have to type up an article or evaluate in discussion ‘why Giroud is good enough’ is enough proof that he actually isn’t”
thy hypocrisy is lamentable
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Do you think They know that George’s first name is Pedantic?
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congratulations, by the way, to Untold who have permission to have a banner installled at the emirates.The banner is Football should be an art, Its based on an Arsene quote “I believe the target of anything in life should be to do it so well that it becomes an art.”
Aparrently chelski are having one installed at the bridge which reads football should be like parking a bus. Both are appropriate for the ideologies of the respective clubs.
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He may have to change it to Erratic.
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maybe he should be known as ageless george
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Here’s a list of the transfer targets Arsenal need in order to be better next season:
1)
2)
3)
4)
I’m sure you’ll agree that the list is pretty much comprehensive.
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So you reckon 2) !
Isn’t he 28 though ?
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Blimey.
It’s almost as if the consideration that AFC would never spunk their load on a reserve Columbian striker who will be 29 next season is too much for some.
No wonder these fuckwits were bleating with their usual lack of grace when AFC bought their own analytics company. They can’t count! The same company that apparently helped the coaches with their assement of Paulista. If you won’t tell ’em, I won’t either. Numbers? Pffffffft.
Are these, perchance, the same sort that accused AW of not doing “tactics”, of not being able to defend (best Deeeeefensive record in the CL was set in ’06 by the good old Arsenal with a back four of Eboue-Campbell-Senderos-Flamini!), of being a Scrooge etc.? Did they stake their very being and essence as a football fan in opposition to the club that they say they support. Can someone to explain to me how the bin baggers could convince so many gullible fools that the AFC board were the “worst in football”. simply a consequence of banal repititon?
George has successfully trolled these idiots into exposing their bile yet again and in the process snared a hack Dwarf or two too. Impressive.
I wonder when and if they’ll be able to figure out that he’s simply out-trolled the trolls.
*doffs cap*
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Burgervich
Michu
Fellaini
Williams (even a stopped clock could pick a half decent pro, given time..)
Martinez
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just seen an article on Highbury House, where Rico was being a bit nostalgic for Highbury and one of the fault he found in the Emirates is
“A ground which is a nightmare to get to if you don’t particularly travel well on the tube”
anyone thing there is a possibility he is just trying to find something to complain about, ha ha ha.
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seen one of the Sunday papers suggest that the Sterling fee could rise as high as £75M -yeah really – with add ons that liverpool want included, like extra if he wins CL, BPL etc, for me this is as silly as the silly season gets, its reported Liverpool will not consider selling him for less than £50M, so my question for all of you is what transfer value would you think is his true worth. What would it be worth to AFC to sign him.
for me Sterling is not worth £30M, he is just over hyped cos he is English and plays for LFC, he is the English Gervinho, lots of ability, great at beating defenders, but then totally headless with no end product. Walcott and Oxlade-Chamberlain are both superior to him, and Gnabry has the potential to be better too. We also have youth like Maitland-Niles and Iwobi and Willock who all have great potential in the wide roles, and lets not forget that Welbeck is not a bad wide player either.
Even at £30M, all you are buying with Sterling is potential. I think we could and probably will spend our money more wisely.
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Fins: Speaking of Williams, driving yesterday with TalkSports on, Shawn Derry formerly of QPR and Danny Kelly the spud were waxing lyrically that the Swansea man is perfect for Arsenal. This guy has never been signed by a big club but he is perfect for Arsenal. This is the type of nonsense that is footballing wisdom by the commercial media. No wonder they get trolled and made into idiots by George.
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Shotta
If you won’t mention the coaching, scouting & stats team who picked out Koscielny, now Paulinho and previously the hundred cap best German defender from the last decade, Monreal, etc. neither will I!
Mum’s the word.
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Chambers’ competitive debut as a 19 year old CB in the super cup last season opposite Aguero and friends was an outstanding debut for a young CB. One of those statement of intent thingymajobbies.
I’d like to see Hayden sneak in a decent loan where he gets minutes. Looked good against Southampton last year, didn’t put a foot in the wrong place. Coquelin also impressing at LB that game, clearly not quite as forgotten the Experts chose to believe. Last season must’ve been a set back for him, hopefully he can recover.
Two exciting young CBs on the books.
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I’m looking forward to the photo diary from Steww’s next pilgrimage to N5.
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I don’t think I realised how much fun twitter could be.
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Eddy
Chambo has been and is the more exciting prospect. At least he has been for me. Sterling has some potential, but at the same age Hodgson could trust Chambo to play wide in Euro2012 – He was’nt willing to expose Sterling to the demands of the role following his red card in a warm up game last summer. Perhaps the only differene is one of temprement? Both good players, no doubt.
I had a sporting bet with a friend that following the setback Ramsey had in his career that we’d see both the younger Chambo & Rambo break out in 13/14. The Aston Villa Taylor PGMOB masterclass in “how not to be a referee in Ass.Football, and how to produce a national team incapable of having fit players who can still run and stuff” led to a bit of a set back for Alex, but I’m hoping that next year is the one where he will take a big step up.
Alexis’ Mini-Me. We have a player on our hands.
Ashley Williams is a half-decent player, but I’ve never seen him hit a crisp wedge like the BFG in the above clip. What a pass!
We can define Alexis’ Electric Masterblaster in the cup final as another Mert-e-Goal. Per pinged that pass past Bellerin and another straight into Ozil’s feet to set up the attack, allowing Theo to opportunity to make a run and for the ball eventually breaking onto the left for Alexis.
From Ramsey’ breaking out of defence through to Alexis’ finish it was a great move.
Going forwards having three great players come off the bench to set up a goal in the final that was already won has got to be good for the mood in the camp.
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Which again begs the question? Why would anyone think that AFC would, at this time, be interested in a player who isn’t fit to polish Carlos Bacca’s boots? Bacca also turns 29 in September hahaha!
I’m not saying Martinez is a cart horse, but he’s nothing special. Just another Willian, or Mangala, that’s why he’s played in Portugal till he was nearly 29, heh.
Unfortunately the hacks can’t use Bacca as clickbait because he must obviously be very happy in Seville. Beautiful city, gorgeous food, nice people, he’s only scored in two consecutive Europa cup finals and must now be a modern day Seville legend, only the biggest team in Southern Spain. Yup. Clearly very happy and not looking to move to AFC at least (if he wants a pension he’ll be going elsewhere, more genteel environs in a less competitive league, somewhere, like, Milan!)
Blood hell George. On reflection you’ve out done yourself here.
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nice to see a journo really research his info before submitting an article
amazing how little these guys actually know about the subject they write about
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Fins: As you correctly point out, Williams’ passing as a defender is so inferior to Per it doesn’t even bear discussion. He is an old fashioned in the 18 yd box type defender and very good in that role if I might add. As the top-top teams including Arsenal have demonstrated, today’s defenders have to do much more with the ball especially passing. Williams would be very good for Chelsea with Mourinho’s preference for a low block with two out-and-out DMs screening Cahill and Terry.
The tragedy of it all is our groaners and self-appointed experts have no clue as to Per’s attributes which made him the player who started almost every game for Arsenal last season.
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By Pers own admission he started the season badly suffering from world cup hangover. So in a season when not at his best his achievements were still very good, others in the league would fall away during a “bad season”.
Its amazing when you consider Chambers is our 4th choice CB and yet apparently we still need a world class CB according to many (that’s not even considering Hayden, O’Connor, Peggy and Ajayi’s replacement)
We also need a CM when we have Le Coq, Jack, Arteta, Maitland Niles, Bielik,Hayden and of course Chambers and Flamini if he stays and possibly Abou if the return on pay as you play option is considered.
Of course even considering the options I have given there are always others like Aaron or the opinion of many that the Ox will end up in the middle but actually the list is endless
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Wilshere finds the finish where others like Rooney and Sterling could not. And what a finish. Put Walcott on now please!
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Looks like Wilshere has finished the job just before Walcott gets on.
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Well that was a bit better – Jack the match winner for England, Theo set up the Rooney goal, and Kieran added a bit of spice as the game was flagging.
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