Monaco, ah Monaco. How well I remember your tight twisting turns, your dark tunnel, the difficulty of shaving a half second from my best lap time and the despair as Pete the Greek or The Lizard Man shot past me on the home straight. Our race evenings with the Sega Megadrive were dissolute affairs and towards the end of the night the driving had become more than a little erratic due as much to the thick coiling mist of dope smoke as to the occasional full bodied bottle of red despatched by the drivers. Looking back I can’t help thinking Jack Wilshere and Wojciech Szczęsny would have fitted rather well into my social circle. These days I am of course chaste and pure and the Formula One games on offer are so ridiculously complex and cluttered with unnecessary petrol head pleasing detail about engines, tyres, pit stops and leaderboards that I have formally retired from the circuit. Monaco will never again thrill to my stoned, mercurial driving performance.
Back in those halcyon hazy days the only other thing Monaco meant to me was Grace Kelly. Oh and there was that time when Bertie cancelled a trip to Monte Carlo preferring to spend Christmas with Bobbie Wickham and her family much, it has to be said, to Jeeves’ chagrin. Little did I know as I adroitly applied the tongue to a heavily laden four skinner and prepared to take my place at the front of the grid that a man called Arsène Wenger, unknown outside of Nancy where he had enjoyed an unremarkable managerial career, had recently taken over the reins at AS Monaco FC. To be fair I probably didn’t know Monaco even had a football team. You know what they say, if you can remember the nineteen eighties you weren’t there man. Anyway this young unknown manager replaced none other than Ștefan Kovács who deserves his own special place in the hearts of all adherents to the beauty of the game for his commitment to the total football of the Ajax teams of the early seventies. Monsieur Wenger revived Monaco’s waning fortunes winning the league in his first season and signing the likes of Weah, Klinsmann, Djorkaeff, Hately and some bloke called Hoddle, oh and while he was at it he oversaw the development of Thierry Henry, Emmanuel Petit and Lilian Thuram. Not a bad day at the office. Sadly in return, Monaco would treat the man destined to become our glorious leader in a somewhat shoddy fashion. They refused to allow him to discuss the vacant managerial role at Bayern München who were apparently very keen to talk to him, but then dismissed him not long after the Germans had become fed up of waiting and in their impatience gave the job to Giovanni Trapattoni.How they must have rued the day.
If I’m honest I was an international illiterate when it came to football in the eighties and nineties and, unless Arsenal were in a European tournament, paid scant regard to what went on south of Dover. What a parochial little stoner I was. Shameful really. During my period of self imposed exile from the human race Monaco enjoyed success and despair in almost equal measure both winning titles and being booted out of Ligue Une for financial irregularities (although that punishment was commuted on appeal). They endured seven years of the managerial merry go round before being relegated for real this time. In a sadly familiar twist to a modern footballing tale they were ‘rescued’ while languishing at the bottom of Ligue deux by, yep, you guessed it a Russian billionaire. Predictably enough the obscene torrent of spending has seen them rise with the smell of burnt feathers from first in the second division in 2013 to second in the first last year. They are currently fourth after a stop start season not dissimilar to ours in many ways.
Once again Arsène agrees with me (he so often does, great minds and all that, I believe we both gave up smoking at a similar time too) that there are parallels to be drawn between the two clubs saying “Monaco are in a similar position to us. They came back into a good position in the league and their confidence level will be high.” I don’t know if our confidence levels will be high after the amusement at Selhurst Park on Saturday or not. I believe they ought to be as the untidy little scrap at the very end of the game should not cloud the ease with which we had held off a spirited Palace side and the consummate skill with which we had taken such a commanding lead beforehand. To attempt to play proper football on what amounted to little more than a Sunday league pitch against a side set up for kick and rush was always going to be a big ask and I think the players showed huge character to stick at it and get the job done. Those who want to whine and bleat about Palace hitting the post need to include our near misses as well if they are going to play ifs and buts. The simple fact is we scored more than them and played the better football. Our only mistake if it was a mistake was allowing them to put us under too much pressure in the final part of the match. Sometimes though, in football, the other side just dictates the play and you have to grin and bear it. As much as we’d love to put all our opponents to the sword in the way we dispatched Aston Villa you can’t expect it to happen every week. Had Alexis not had a rare off day with his finishing we’d have gone three up and I very much doubt Palace would have had any fight left in them, but then who knows? See I can play ifs and buts just as well as the next man.
Tonight we can put the nightmarish up and under of English mud ball behind us. Tonight is what so many other supporters can only dream of. Tonight they must look on in envy. Yet, incredibly enough, under Arsène Wenger Arsenal fans have come to think of this as the norm. The knock-out stages of the Champions league. So many have spent so much trying to emulate what Arsène achieves, and he has done it while simultaneously building a new stadium, while constricted by such a tight budget that he has been forced to sell his best players. Yet he delivers it every single year. We really are lucky Arsenal aren’t we? Lucky to have such a great man in charge, lucky to have such a fantastic stadium, lucky to be treated to some of the best football ever played. I love the feeling of waking up on the day of a Champions league fixture, let’s face it you are following the wrong sport if you don’t love it. It is the holy grail for every Premiership team and make no mistake if any one else achieved it year in year out while being outspent by nearly all of the competition they would be lauded as the greatest manager in English football.
Well, we don’t need the hideous reptiles of the British sports media to tell us what we already know do we? Monaco were once lucky enough to have him and we’ve been blessed to have had him during the most vital years in our club’s modern history. This is a tournament in which we have come so close, enjoyed some famous victories and suffered some agonising defeats. Tonight and in all future rounds of the competition all I hope is that the fans and players give him the victory he has earned, no man deserves it more. I believe the team are good enough and I believe they are ready.
Positively Arsenal 
Morning Steww, everyone.
Another article befitting the quality football you rightly suggest is taken for granted by so many. Interesting to reflect how lucky we were to get Arsene at all given the interest he was earning. Silly Monaco.
Looking forward to the game tonight, hoping it will prove warmer than the chill Crewe wind that descended on Monday night which saw us go down 2-3 and out of the cup in front of 300 hardy souls wrapped up against the arctic wind.
I try to get along to a handful of the U21/U18 games each season but this was my first visit to the smart but remote ‘Hive’, new home to Barnet FC, having been driven out of, er, Barnet, by, er Barnet council. What was that about government by the people, for the people? Not in this part of north London, it seems.
Had hoped to catch sight of Bielik on Monday but seems there’s more chance of seeing him tonight, such has been the rapid advancement of the youngster into the First Team.
Would love to see an ‘easy’ win tonight (if such things still exist); win our next four games and are season is set for an almighty finish.
Onwards and ever upwards!
LikeLiked by 1 person
“I adroitly applied the tongue to a heavily laden four skinner” surely thats from a porn film! excellent piece again Steww, I remember just how good that Monaco side were although obviously had no notion a foreign coach of such high quality would be allowed in England let alone grace our brilliant club. Foreign coaches were called scottish in those days. russian billionare pumps money into a club who then decide to their particular style of play will be to park the bus, yes that sounds familiar but the likeness is not with us. youre right Steww even the biggest doomer still wakes up on champions league mornings with the dream that this might be the year that awful final 15 minutes in paris will be put to rest. Each season we are definetly growing and have a squad more capable of lifting that elusive trophy
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s the Arsene Wenger derby.
LikeLike
An excellent aperitif Steww as I look forward to tonight’s celebration of all that is good to be an Arsenal supporter and a football fan.
German match officials I see – good – our Germans can get in the referee’s ear schnell and, as far as I can see, Monaco have not a German on the roster.
Advantage Arsenal
LikeLiked by 1 person
Superb piece Steww, and a great return read as I’ve been away from PA for a few days.
I have no choice by my spectacles have a rose-tinted hue. I think this Arsenal squad are going places…..
LikeLiked by 3 people
One man’s loss is another man’s gain. Thank you Monaco and thank you Steww.
PS: Everything Steww said about Monaco I can relate to except for not ever been that close to Formula One which simply means I am an old fart from the 80s.
LikeLiked by 3 people
Fantastic stuff Stew,I always found,the thing about smoking weed was-you never got round to getting things done. Let’s hope we at least get started tonight,1 nil to The Arsenal I reckon..
LikeLiked by 1 person
So true Steww. We’ve been spoilt rotten by AW and like GP think we’re going places.
LikeLike
Now that’s a blog.
LikeLiked by 1 person
I think I’m beginning to understand where my career as an athlete took a wrong turn haha
LikeLike
My little gentleman’s gaming, hash and wine group used to have chess evenings as well. Can you imagine trying to concentrate on chess while buzzed off your gourd? Some games took five hours. Seriously. We couldn’t remember the rules by the end.
LikeLiked by 1 person
Thanks Steww: great fun and full of wisdom too. Nights like these are why Ozil, Alexis, Tomas and Santi all made their way to N5 so let’s hope they choose to show off their glittering skills in front of the faithful.
LikeLiked by 1 person
It’s a good job nobody’s with me. I can’t stop smiling at the images relating to the crisp writing. The 80’s memories. The links to … everything. The Turns Of Phrase..
“gentleman’s gaming, hash and wine group”
I’m informed hash was v nice in the 80’s, but the quality deteriorated. True?
No matter. Ta for High quality article.
LikeLike
heh what a great read! well done!
i will focus on this :
“If I’m honest I was an international illiterate when it came to football in the eighties and nineties and, unless Arsenal were in a European tournament, paid scant regard to what went on south of Dover.”
nothign to do with you, as you clearly appreciate the change in arsenal’s fortune/future/prestige/standing.
but the above mentality is why some of our fans turn and say ” whats the point of being in it if you aint going to win it”. or how they feel its embarssaing when arsenal dont beat ac milan barcelona and bayern with 3-0’s
arsenal has never won it..reached its first final in 2006 …personally i think that was our chance and that thiery wasnt man enough to win it for his manager, his fans, his club. lehman is at fault of course for that rash challenge ..but then again giuly scored on the advantage..its a final..leave it at 11×11 and barca at 0-1 and play on…eto dived graaaahhh..almunia could have done better too….we lost it to fkn baleti …unreal..anyway bracket closed…what was i saying…
the average arsenal fan thinking that arsenal was some giant and always part of elite is the one who could not grasp that arsenal had to grow….grow larger than highbury..and to do that in this industry you either rely on an owner to pay for everything or you have builders/thinkers/managers who plan long term. for Arsenal getting the cl exposure and money was not just important for the bank loan repayments but vital for the growth of the football club. far more important than risking it all on a gung ho campaign to win the title once..especially when you aint ready for it.
this last decade is described as one of the most painful …but it is only painful in term s of results against the big and established companies of the industry..companies we had no business being next to…nameswith far bigger pedigree and history than us. the fact that wenger has helped arsenal build/repay a whole stadium in London In the year 2015 and kept the club at such a high level is phenomenal and only the smart followers of football can get it….the majority ..who are thick arseholes using football as an escape will never ever get it. especially when the media of the country is designed to make money out of them pulling their legs every monday/tuesday/wednsday/thursday/friday ….
LikeLiked by 1 person
you would also think that the journalist people who have ties to arsenal would do their best to explain it to the fans instead of joining the carousel of “lets troll them and get the clicks”
you cant hold a position of negativity and then use the same club and manager to promote your fucking book….classless, embarassing. wrong!
+++++++
matic ban reduced to two games? and what the fuck is ivan doing? sleeping? pull a finger out ivan and the rest …you cant expect it all from wenger….
LikeLike
I always found,the thing about smoking weed was-you never got round to getting things done
excuse meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee?
of course you get things done…at your own time and convenience
civilisation..no rush no panic no stress
playing chess stoned? is there any other way? how else will you get the ‘vision’ for your strategy ?
LikeLike
A very enjoyable read, steww, and a fascinating glimpse into the things I appeared to have missed, and now wish I had not. {smiley fizzog]
To be candid, when David Dein revealed our new manager, back in the day, I, like many others, thought Arsene Who?
The uncanny resemblance of the first name to the Arsenal made me initially think it was just a wind up, and as I only had images of Monaco as a hedonistic oasis of wine, women and gambling, situated besides the Mediterranean under blue sky and the blazing sun, this only reinforced the impression it was an elaborate joke as I did not know that Monaco, besides being a hedonistic oasis ……… etc, also had a football club of the same name, and a fan base of about 50 together with 10 pampered poodles.
Oh,no,…….I thought……..old Sir Peter Hill-Wood has thrown a wobbly, and did not even tell the Daily Star first.
What a blessing that ‘stage left’ appointment has been, Vive Le Proff – Vive Arsene!!
Incidentally, steww, your reference to tight turns, disappearing down dark tunnels and shaving a half a second off your best time is redolent of freudian imagery — I thought pot suppressed such carnal desires — but as I said that was obviously a missed era for me – to my increasing regret. [another smiley fizzog]
LikeLike
Absolute corker of a blog steww, although for me it’s the seventies I don’t remember. By the mid-eighties I was wearing suits and ties again – needs must
Looking forward to this evening’s game – would be nice to stick 3 past them without reply then we could rest a few for the return.
And HenryB, Freudian imagery for me would be adding half a second to my best time, but maybe I’ve misunderstood something.
LikeLike
Henry – you always pick up on the seedier side of my unconscious!
LikeLike
steww,
It’s like when I was really young with my nose pressed up against the coffee shop plate glass windows, in the winter, watching the lucky sods inside, and wishing I could have coffee and cake too.
You lucky sod! [chuckle]
LikeLike
dkgÖÖnér
Your 2:40;– ‘HenryB, Freudian imagery for me would be adding half a second to my best time’
Me too, dkg — but that steww is obviously in a different league!
LikeLike
Rantetta, youre right the quality of all drugs has gone down massively. As the money makers moved in the introduction of rat poison and other toxins to make the the quantity go further and increase the cash flow. The purity has been watered down as the money has entered the game abit like football really.
LikeLike
a or b – any time in history when prohibition has been tried it has resulted in enormous tax free profits for criminals and dangerous, low quality toxic unregulated product for the consumer.
I’m glad the strongest thing I ever take now is camomile tea.
LikeLike
Actually just came back on here to read Stews piece again,that’s how good it was.
LikeLike
It’s the little people like you Mel that make it worthwhile for great people like me. I’m just trying to give something back you know?
LikeLike
so then …moral of the story…we all move to Colorado
LikeLiked by 1 person
A or B @ 3:09pm
That’s a superb analogy.
What are you on?
LikeLike
… and get shot by some nutter with an AK47
LikeLike
hehe is that what they do in colorado… ? i thought that happens everywhere
mostly i was thinking of the ex nasa engineers who use their knowledge and technological know how to produce ‘medicinal’ products
LikeLike
ok i mean we can still do malibu …. its insane..so jealous….holland usofa uruguay ..pioneers ..we should all follow their lead.
LikeLike
Steww, no no not the camomile tea thats really hardcore. No milk and all that thats past me no wonder you write such calm musings before nerve jangleing games!
LikeLike
arsenal youth continue on losing run
LikeLike
Jon Toral with a hattrick for Brentford last night
LikeLike
Lovely little piece steww and nice comments too, just the thing to distract from pre-match nerves.
Hoping for a few goals lead to take to the second leg.
LikeLike
Arsenal team to play AS_Monaco: Ospina, Bellerin, Mertesacker, Koscielny, Gibbs, Coquelin, Cazorla, Sanchez, Ozil, Welbeck, Giroud
subs: Szczesny, Gabriel, Monreal, Chambers, Rosicky, Oxlade-Chamberlain, Walcott
LikeLike
a or b
I’ve sometimes been known to go for a shot of lemon and ginger. I’m not proud of it.
LikeLike
All those people wailing and gnashing teeth because Nacho was picked ahead of Gibbs a few times. Did it never occur to them that the boss may have been easing KG back after all the injury problems he’s had?
LikeLike
Gibbs said earlier in the week that he was almost back to full fitness, so that suggest one reason why he has played so little recently
LikeLike
Lovely blog, Stew, and…interesting…comments. Home from work today for a snow day that hasn’t yet materialized, but that means I get to watch the game today. So, yay!
I could tell you that the quality/potency of some illegal substances on the street has actually improved over recent years – but that would be talking about work, and I don’t do that online. (tee hee)
Just heard Gary Neville in the pregame show “advise” Arsenal to try and score in the first 15 minutes, and if not, be patient and wait for an opportunity. Thanks, Gary. That’s genius that is. Now back to the horrible pre-game commentary from Wynalda, Barton, and Lalas. Yippee.
Let’s do this thing boys.
LikeLike
Hi Kelly. The kind of punditry to which you refer spews from the same source that lauded Rogers as a tactical genius because every shot Liverpool had in the first quarter of an hour against us went in that day. As if he sat his team down and said, “Right lads, today I want you top go out and bang in four quick goals, but don’t hang around – they have to go in within twenty minutes”
That wasn’t tactics and neither is Neville’s baloney.
LikeLiked by 1 person
apparently Monaco are quick on the counter especially on the left, I think thats why Keiran and Hector have come back in for this one. Im really looking forward to this I hope we play well and do well COYG
LikeLike
LikeLike
Steww, a great piece!
Is that the reason for 5, not one, not two, not three, not four, BUT FIVE consultants are expected, every day at London Colney. When the new expansion is completed!
LikeLike
Come on you Gooners, lets get it done.
LikeLike
COME ON YOU GUNNERS!!!!0
LikeLike
What a start. Putting them right under.
LikeLike
I like Wellbeck’s work when they have the ball. Really good closing and tackling.
LikeLike
Oh my that was a hand ball. Why is the spare ref behind the goal?
LikeLike
Nice move.
LikeLike
easy to see why Monaco concede so few goals
LikeLike