It would appear that someone has taken my “trying to teach quantum physics to parrots” quip and run with it.
Here it is then, a guest post from Jayfree LordGunner Szczesny via our partners at OTBAG. Enjoy, I did. PG
_____________________________________________________________________________________________
I set out in my own little way to try and teach quantum physics to parrots, seeing there are far too many these days. As an avid reader of this blog I may not hit the great heights of the usual writers but I will simplify it a bit to a level even the moaning parrots can understand. I do love history and a stat or two, but not today.
Rather, I’ll be looking at the period 2005 to now that created the Great Schism amongst our fan base.
In 2006 we reached our first ever Champions League final which was swiftly followed by a move to the majestic Emirates stadium coupled with a state of the art training ground in the shape of the Colney. However the lack of any trophy in the following years delivered a schism that showed the true colour of every Arsenal fan.
Judging by what detractors, moaners and haters have made of this period one would assume it has all been stagnation and mediocrity. This is very far from the truth with the club achieving so many club bests and records, not to mention the avoidance of the pitfalls that befall many a club following a change of stadium (e.g Man City, Wigan and Nottingham).
With the Anti-Arsenal crescendo growing there was emergence of a true and intelligent fan base to rival the camp made up of lazy journalists with half baked lies, moaners, glory hunters and other such filthy ilk. I prefer to call them the parrots, repeating the same old lies over and over in hope we all fall for them as gospel truths.
However, much to the chagrin of our club’s enemies, we stood firm in our faith and support.
The parrots seeing they were destined for an epic failure resulted to spreading doom and gloom. The other option for them was to label the true, faithful, loyal and intelligent fans as AKBs, blind, deluded, sycophants etc. This was a serious case of the blind choosing to ridicule the sighted for being far-sighted. It also leaves one asking: if our most decorated manager doesn’t know best then who does? The idle bloggers with zero games managed? The social media account holders who have become experts on scouting, injuries, signing, tactics etc. Or even the journalist who would earn more as a manager if he could but only put his footballing theories to the test.
Maybe it still remains to be seen who is deluded.
But when you sit there asking us not to support EVERY player in our shirt then you are clearly deluded. Delusion is a guy who has never even managed a Sunday school team having the arrogance to ask us to agree with all his doom and gloom, trust his untested opinion rather than that of our most successful manager. You can write a million blogs on surgery but I wouldn’t trust you over a proven surgeon, no day no way. Would you rather be a sycophant to a moaning blogger who knows next to nothing about managing a football team or a sycophant to a manager of the decade?
Wait, don’t answer that.
Some typical examples of parrot lies include the following gem: The players don’t have heart.
While this may be true of those who left us (like Adebayor, Cole, Nasri?) for more money or to ride on the backs of others for a quick trophy (Cesc, RvP?), it is certainly not true for those who stay and fight for the shirt. As you moan and throw your toys out of the pram, the likes of Diaby, Ramsey, Sagna stayed and put their bodies on the line for us. At the very least, they deserve our love, support and respect.
A common lie that we have all heard is that the club is not ambitious and Arsene has money to spend. Which of course he never spends, season in season out. I guess having a blog, working for a local tabloid or even owning a social network account makes you, as an individual more ambitious than those who actually kept us stable having overseen an ambitious move to a new stadium. A move, incidentally, others such as Spurs and Liverpool, are STILL struggling to make. If Arsene had kept back £60m every season, his mattress would have hit the ceiling by now. Anybody with half a brain will know we have not been in the financial shape to compete with Man Utd or the sugar daddy clubs.
Then somebody yells: even smaller clubs spend more than we do! And that is why you have Rangers, Portsmouth, Coventry, Leeds etc paying the price.
A realistic Arsenal fan – a sincere fan – would never ask the club to spend beyond our means knowing it could put us in a shallow grave.
The most comical parroted lies touch on the manager.
How many times have you come across this crap that the manager doesn’t do tactics, the manager doesn’t train defence or know how to buy a defender? But these people – many of whom write on social media, maybe the odd pundit who has failed as a manager or as a blogger who has managed zero games, knows less about tactics than a League Two manager, let alone Arsenal’s best manager and, again, incidentally, the EPL Manager of the Decade. Some of the best defenders in our history like Campbell, Toure, Cole, Lauren, Sagna, Koscielny etc, are all HIS buys. Holding the European record of 996 minutes, the unbeaten season, all apparently achieved without Arsene bothering to get around to training the defence are all obviously HUGE contradictions.
In all this I have discovered we have several types of parrots.
The first type of parrots are the Trophy Hungry Brigade who demand a trophy at all costs. They will use history to tell you we are a big club that fails if it does not get a trophy, yet they tell you don’t use recent history of Arsene trophies to appreciate him. Of this group Bergkamp wondered whether they love Arsenal or just Arsenal with trophies.
The second group are the Moaners. This is the most absurd group, crying and whining instead of supporting.
The Moaners crumble at the first sign of difficulty but are the FIRST to blast the players for not showing heart.
Moaning at every signing, every substitution and every line up. This group has already predicted Sanogo will flop. Amusingly, just like they did with Koscielny and many others before him. After predicting every player will flop they do get a perverted we told you joy when it doesn’t work out for a player. The hindsight moans after every line up and substitution could be the subject of a great satire. Ramsey has left them with egg on their faces, but even now, they STILL think they know best.
The third type are the Pseudo Experts – among them the bloggers, the journalists and managerial failures turned pundits. The first two use misleading headlines and twisted stories to spread their Anti Arsenal/Arsene agenda. The pundits talk too much over how practicing managers aren’t doing the simple A,B,Cs of the game whereas they failed or dare not try. Turns out it could just be peer jealousy. Arsene once said he “is paid to manage they are paid to talk”. Well we all know talk is cheap, so let them talk.
The fourth type are the trolls from other clubs who masquerade as Gooners to be part of the anti Arsenal/Arsene agenda. Their agenda is to act as a catalyst to self destruction, attempting crudely to push us over the edge. They paint a picture of an Arsenal fan who is always angry, frustrated or bitter with his club, management and players. Sadly for them, we see through them all.
The true genius of our manager has been seen in adversity.
The loyalty of our true fans has been seen in adversity.
The manager deserves to be hailed for the ambitious move to Emirates and how competitive he has kept us against all odds. Paul Kaye and his mates unveiled the ‘GEORGE KNOWS BANNER‘ not only as a tradition but a show of our class. True fans like myself never fear parrots and we always chant, ‘ARSENE KNOWS BEST’. We are never afraid or shy to proclaim always, ‘IN ARSENE WE TRUST‘. A true fan stands for something and never falls for anything or gets blown by the winds of doom and gloom. You will never find a better, stable and more successful 17 years in our history. Never forget it took us 44 years to build and rebuild for our first ever trophy.
On the subject of celebrating fourth, a certain King Henry made it clear that in our celebrations we were happy to prove our detractors wrong and to bamboozle the enemy, nothing more nothing less.
With better days ahead keep the faith and support Arsenal.
I can be found on Twitter as: @LordgunnerJefri
Jayfree LordGunner Szczesny (Facebook)
Positively Arsenal 
“The true genius of our manager has been seen in adversity.
The loyalty of our true fans has been seen in adversity.”
Amen to that.
Ruddy marvellous stuff. Many thanks Jefri/Jayfree.
LikeLike
Well done my friend. That’s what we are about here…..
I read an incredible piece yesterday on the other site….the writer said, even if Arsenal win any number of trophies next season Arsene should still go…..I am still reeling….
LikeLike
Harry
You remind me of Oliver Reed
LikeLike
Nice one Jefri; good luck with the parrots!!
GP – no doubt if AW did actually go, having just won any number of trophies, that same writer would still be complaining about the quality of Arsene’s decision-making:
Arsene Back In!!
LikeLike
Yes Georgaki, it’s my penchant for the fulsome moustache isn’t it. And the thousand yard “don’t f*ck with me I’m slightly bonkers and I’ve drunk a sea dry” stare. They don’t make ’em like Ollie these days.
As regards that post on t’other site…some of us, goes without saying, strongly disagreed with that rationale. That’s all you can do. Time will tell.
LikeLike
Who was it Georgaki?
LikeLike
I still have to respect the opinion offered though, especially as I have great respect for the person giving it.
However I do think they are completely wrong.
Some people have painted themselves into a corner, and whatever happens now, the goalposts will be forever shifted to suit their argument. Arsene can, as Andrew points out, never do right in these folks eyes now. They would have to admit they were mistaken. That they got it wrong. It’ll be interesting to see their reactions if we do have a good season after the summer.
Although I would like to add the above paragraph doesn’t apply to the person who wrote that piece yesterday.
LikeLike
Moment of panic for Guardian hacks last night when they thought they might have to mention Oxo’s goal in the match write-up.
And a collective sigh of relief when subsequent events enabled them to lead with a full page picture of Maris Piper and the headline “Rooney rocks the Maracana”.
Obviously haven’t heard he’s moving to Arsenal.
LikeLike
Well who was it then?
LikeLike
Dont make me go and read it,my blood pressure will suffer
LikeLike
Keyser Soze.
It wasn’t that “controversial”. Nothing that hasn’t been said a million times before, and usually with a lot less eloquence.
Anyway.
LikeLike
Lovely stuff,your building a tasty little crew here George, a bit like Tony Soprano.
LikeLike
Since we haven’t got a player on whom the whole future of the club totally and inexorably depends leaving this summer, there’ll need to be an awful lot of “xxxxxx snubs Arsenal” stories to keep the media happy and the parrots miserable.
LikeLike
I really like this article, Jayfree Lordgunner Szczesny. You’ve analysed the different kinds of support very accurately and fairly. And made me laugh as well.
@ merlot June 3, 2013 at 11:02 am
ha ha
On England, ever since I saw Wodgson put out a side for the first time, I said to myself, England will not win, indeed are unlikely to score, unless at least two out of Wilshere, Walcott and AOC are in the lineup. I’ve seen nothing since to change my mind.
LikeLike
Very good piece – I am impressed the way you have identified, pinned, stuffed and mounted the various species of moaners, whingers and assorted migratory invertebrates that unfortunately have attached themselves to our mighty club.
Origin of the Species – I like it
LikeLike
Polly wants a cracker. After reviewing the season the Polly’s may well be like the one who laid square eggs. Could only say one word. “Ouch”
LikeLike
Such a refreshing riposte to that cracker who wrote “even if Arsenal win any number of trophies next season Arsene should still go.” That is an interesting specie of moaner:
Says all the right things; I support Wenger, one of the best, most successful, blah, blah. But after successfully managing an expensive stadium move, 16 years straight in the champions league, never out of the top-four etc, because of 8 years without a trophy, losing his best players, having to rebuild every year, it is mark of failure and stagnation. No matter how he succeeds next year it is time for him to go.
Interesting logic. Such wonderful advice to a section of fans anxious for success and with the backbones of jelly fish.
LikeLike
Yes u r true gooner…av read ua article ad av liked every bit of it…wish all arsenal fans cud access this article…cograts man!!
LikeLike
If the spectacle of such self harming was not so sad it would be funny.
Truly it is tragic that people who have told themselves that ‘Arsene has lost it’ refuse to acknowledge that he has already laid the foundation for the next Arsenal manager to inherit one of the most talented collections of yutes the club will ever see, Gibbo, Rambo, Wilshere, Jenks, some lad called Chamberlain (!), and the rest. Not to mention the stadium. In the meantime we have to make do with dross like Carzola, Rosicky, Koscielny and the rest.
It’s the lies that are telling. When people say that AW can’t defend and then attempt to give some spurious credit to this seasons run, whilst ignoring or never having given any previously when the team have defended well or even acknowleded the longer unbeaten run in 09/10 then we have to accept that people are being deliberately dishonest. Maybe they are deluded, but that is no excuse!
Yup. My patience is wearing thin! But not with the manager.
LikeLike
e.g. this past season started well then ‘arsene lost it’ before listening to Bouldy again.
Total bollocks. One good result inspired by a monster called Diaby does not a good start make! I saw the Sunderland and Stoke games up close, Arsenal were static and hesitant, the opponents were poor. Two clean sheets was nothing to celebrate. Last season I couldn’t even take myself to the stadium till the Bolton Home game, I couldn’t bare to see my team so out of sync (unfortunately teams don’t get re-built overnight. It’s not F1.). Of course that meant I missed one of the greatest modern strikers play in N.London, the bauble hugging Di Natale – I’m an idiot, that much is true!
LikeLike
Yes that’s a shining example of this constant shifting of the goalposts to suit the agenda……if we have been successful it’s down to Bouldy taking control of the defence once again from stubborn old Arsene (it never ceases to amaze me the amount of folk who have access to Arsenal training sessions).
It was nicely set up to condemn Arsene if we failed to get top four (even though that’s no success at all, if I remember the memo correctly), yet allow those same folk to praise Bould if we did. And they did.
LikeLike
Continuous confirmation that I’m amongst like minded folk!
Harry wrote: “it never ceases to amaze me the amount of folk who have access to Arsenal training sessions”
I asked so many people on the other site whether they had access to Arsenal training sessions or was it their trusted insider friend that led them to perpetuate the myths of Arsene’s lack of interest in defensive training….One chap even wrote that Andre Santos sat out of fitness training, presumably under the nose of Arsene, because in the considered opinion of this well-informed poster, Santos was overweight
Pedantic George
I’m reluctant to name the author…..I have visions of you dispatching him with one of your karate chops….
LikeLike
Fucking Hell,It was Bob.What a the Fuck?????
I am fucking shocked.
LikeLike
Excellent post and brilliant summary of the deluded array of arguments the naysayers have put up only to see them crash and burn over the past few years,
Since my first game in 1974 I have seen a wide spectrum between crap and brilliance and for the most part enjoyed it all. So I think I have a good perspective on where we are now and like everyone on here believe we are in a good place and rising.
Unfortunatly when trying to explain to people what is quite obviously in front of them it can be perplexing however common sense is not for everyone,which is ironic, only a few can enable its use.
Obviously we are the real chosen ones.
LikeLike
PG
You’ll have to wait till he’s back. He’s in Crete at the moment…..
LikeLike
Perhaps the best thing ive ever read about the arsenal “condition”. it has it all.
and who can disagree with it? who?
LikeLike
ouzo is quite strong ive heard…i prefer raki/tsipuro..its much stronger – pure petrol ….if people cant handle it and end up talking total bollocks then a little self-discipline should help……but maybe its too late for that now…
ouzo? ahaha…shallow tourist….just like when it comes to arsenal
LikeLike
H13
You are fucking gem. You are hilarious…scary…but hilarious….
LikeLike
hehe alcohols like them 80-90% ones can be dangerous…you have to make sure you are the one consuming them and not them consuming you.
LikeLike
Football has much in common in the modern era with the entertainment industry, and for the most obvious and crude reasons. Director’s that don’t or won’t make hit movies to formula (with the odd exception), do not get plumb productions or producers to back them. Money talks in movies. Football players are “brands”, like actors, valued in one part by performance and another part by their media exposure measured with great precision to determine their commercial value. Consumers by the hundred million sit and watch movies on telly or DVD made to formula, and a large portion of them value their entertainment only by the immediacy of the “rush” obtained, not unlike a fast food sugar rush, whatever the genre. And so with football, not surprising that a real life drama, like the extraordinary Bradford story last season is largely ignored, for the big name brands and concocted trophy formulas that feed the little sugar rush of the “entitled” consumer, alienated almost entirely by now from the actual love and life of much of football, a rat in a cog in a money machine.
LikeLike
Football has much in common in the modern era with the entertainment industry, and for the most obvious and crude reasons. Director’s that don’t or won’t make hit movies to formula (with the odd exception), do not get plumb productions or producers to back them. Money talks in movies. Football players are “brands”, like actors, valued in one part by performance and another part by their media exposure measured with great precision to determine their commercial value. Consumers by the hundred million sit and watch movies on telly or DVD made to formula, and a large portion of them value their entertainment only by the immediacy of the “rush” obtained, not unlike a fast food sugar rush, whatever the genre. And so with football, not surprising that a real life drama, like the extraordinary Bradford story last season is largely ignored, for the big name brands and concocted trophy formulas that feed the little sugar rush of the “entitled” consumer, alienated almost entirely by now from the actual love and life of much of football, a rat in a cog in a money machine.
LikeLike
those cultureless savages should lay off them strong alcohols there and find something lighter, like smoke some weed i dont know, they might realise how insignificant their knowledge or opinion is in quantum football mechanics that wenger has been teaching the whole of the industry (let alone england) the last two decades.
at 11:00 o clock tomorrow im spending 1350 pounds for my 2013-2014 season ticket. the time has come. to this day no flat found yet. does it matter??????? with good faith…everything will happen. hokahey.
george? taken any scalps lately….anicol is taking them by the dozen !!
LikeLike
and yet zimpaul even in this entertainment industry …the technocrat accountant geek stiil has the time/ability/sophistication/belief/guts to think and approach the whole subject of team building and playing with steady old traditional football “romantic” principles like acadmies, players growing together being friends, fans of the club, playing for one another kicking for one another. and as a business/club yes we will play the capitalist game but not completely prostitute ourselves… noone greater.
LikeLike
Arsene’s discreet silences on many media matters that some kind of ‘Arry loves so much to talk about is ferociously contemptuous. Simply, he still loves football too much. As a direct result his extraordinary contribution to the game in England is endlessly mocked, and some kind of Bob shockingly, rakingly sings the chorus. What keeps him going? I think it is that those who know know; and the rest, frankly don’t really matter.
LikeLike
Excellent piece!
LikeLike
I think it is that those who know know; and the rest, frankly don’t really matter.
very true…and yes they dont matter but when they manage to suck the pleasure out of watching/following/supporting arsenal with their inconsiderate comments/booing and marching and most of it now coming fromon our own fans….wow…that stinks.
the worst for me is that those who dont matter dont acknowledge those who know.
LikeLike
Di Natale: still got it.
LikeLike
since were on italian legends
LikeLike
Really excellent writing – thanks for sharing
“Of course that meant I missed one of the greatest modern strikers play in N.London, the bauble hugging Di Natale – I’m an idiot, that much is true!”
I was glad I didn’t miss it Finsbury. He is the one non-Arsenal player that I would covet. A few years younger and willing to leave his home town club that he also captains and I would be leading the ‘sign him up Arsene’ chants!
ZimPaul
June 3, 2013 at 8:07 pm
I wish you could find the time to produce an article. You write so well and get to the heart of the issue. That is absolutely spot on in terms of an analogy. People really love the familiar and are suspicious of anything different. Formulaic sells as it doesn’t require much thought – just sit back and enjoy the ride. Oh and ‘spend some f*cking money’ on the best actors and most expensive toys and stunts while you’re at it!
LikeLike
Agree Passenal – ZimPaul IN.
Oh, and you too, by the way!
LikeLike
Great writeup lordgunner. Spot on.
And great vids fins and hunter. Treat us often please. Two of my all time most liked footballers. Di Natalie and Baggio. So clinical and such artistry. Poetry in motion. Love it. Of course BERGKAMP still number one in my book. Ice man.
I think BOB ‘s got montazomas revenge from drinking the water there. Either that or too much bloody sun baking the brains. I thought only JJ was able to do a 180 about face in less than a year. Him and that other one attib. Coming from bob ,truly shocking. Anywho. They are still enjoying their humble pie portions.
LikeLike
Wow!! What a piece! Honestly, I won’t be happy if I didn’t express my gratitude on helping me find the category into which the parrots I’ve been personally trying to teach quantum physics “THE MOANERS GROUP”. Some even predicted we’ll not qualify for champions league only for them to join “The trolls from other clubs who masquerade as Gooners” in expressing their dissapointments at our Jubilations upon the final whistle at St. James’ park. I reckon they were all waiting to say; ” I TOLD YOU.
But too bad for them….
We see through them all.
The true genius of our manager has been seen in adversity.
The loyalty of our true fans has been seen in adversity……
Arsene Knows!!!
LikeLike
Thanks for all wonderful comments. It is ironical how people who have flopped as fans and become weak moaners pretend to lecture players, managers and tycoons on how to be ambitious and successful.
LikeLike