This week I shall attempt to stretch news until it is unrecognisable. It will be thinner, it will be weaker and, most of all, it will be brief.

First up is a brand new feature called ‘Embarrassing Dads’. Wojciech Szczesny’s father spoke to a member of the press to complain about the treatment of his son at Arsenal. He implied that Szczesny junior’s poor run of form was down to the manager and that he had played through injuries to help the club. Wojciech was quick to distance himself from the comments and is believed to be refusing to come out of his room. There is now a stand-off in the Szczesny household with threats of pocket money being withheld. This one has the potential to run and run.

In the absence of any first team action, many eyes were fixed on the U-21s and their tie against Manchester United. Conor Henderson was on set-piece detail and cracked the bar with a free kick from distance. (I may use that exact term later in the post.) Arsenal were a goal down but very briefly as the Irish midfielder drew level with a thumped penalty after Hector Bellerin was brought down in the box. Bellerin continued in this attacking vein and went on to pinch the winner in the 90^th minute. A cross from Henderson was knocked to the edge of the box and the right-back smashed it home. 1-0 and you F*%&ed it up!

Next came Carl Jenkinson’s interview. The young full-back stated that he will fight to earn himself more caps, having been left out of England’s squad this time around. Jenks turned his back on his mother’s native land of Finland to play for England. Mrs Jenkinson is said to be unimpressed by this and has begun talks with Maciej Szczesny about how best to deal with the situation.

Abou Diaby spoke to Arsenal player about his newfound relative fitness and the measures he’s taking to ensure it lasts. He attributes his new staying power to dietary changes. It will take a lot of discipline and mental strength for Abou to continue the new eating plan to prevent another flair up of his chronic rickets.

Theo Walcott was forced out of the England squad with a “minor groin/hip injury”. Whether this hampers the rest of Theo’s season remains to be seen. Tests have been carried out and one concerned physio called it “a very wide injury indeed”.

And finally, the NextGen series continued last night as Terry Burton’s U-19s took on The CSKAs of Moscow. The game was held at The Grove and there were several thousand in attendance. There was no score at the break but Arsenal were looking the most likely. Several players shone on the night with Yennaris, Gnabry and Akpom being particularly influential throughout. Another strong performance came from Thomas Eisfeld. The young German was on set-piece detail and cracked the bar with a free-kick from distance. (I told you.) The only goal came from an excellent run by Serge Gnabry who played a one-two with Bellerin and passed the ball coolly by the keeper and into the net. Arsenal will now play the semi-final against other Russian team in the competition, the highly rated Chelski of St. Petersburg.

That’s all for this week. Thanks for reading.

Up the Arsenal!