Hello and welcome to this week’s round-up.

We’ll start with the visit of Bayern and their ridiculously good players. The crafty Bavarians went 2-0 up in the first half and all seemed lost until our very own German, Lukas Podolski, gave us a glimmer of hope by heading home from close range. Then Theo set Giroud up with a great chance but his effort was hit straight at Neuer. Bayern grabbed a third and the first leg ended in anguish for the Gunners. Arsenal have been doing their best work in the second half games so I’m predicting a 5-1 win and a comfortable route through to the next round. It hasn’t happened yet so don’t you dare take away my dream!

Amidst what was a calm, measured response from the media, the news broke that some old guy shagged one of our strikers. We all have our theories of who it might be but for me it’s clear. That Van Persie always looked a right slut.

Arsene faced the press ahead of the Villa game and was in much better spirits than when he called out the filthbags who had been printing lies about him. This week he challenged a writer to a game of 1v1 football. Personally, I don’t see how it could work. How can you play Wengerball alone? How can you play 500 passes without shooting if you have no teammates? Only Arsene knows.

Wenger also spoke about the club’s desire to get Bacary Sagna to sign a new contract but reports are saying that he’s been bragging about the wages he will receive when he leaves the club. If you believe that story, you’ll believe the one I’m about to tell you;

I am the Arsenal striker who shagged that old guy.

So the Astons of Villa came and Arsenal disposed of them a lot more comfortably than the 2-1 scoreline would suggest. Arsenal defended with all the resistance and virtue of Jodi Marsh but, on the ball, we played some exceptional stuff. Obviously, every Arsenal fan acknowledged this and was extremely happy with the result. And if you believe that story…

I did not shag that old man! (Bill Clinton voice)

Santi has been receiving great praise from his teammates for his display and brace at the weekend. Mertesacker reckons that Santi is ‘The PERfect footballer’. Can he take a long throw like Rory Delap? Bloody doubt it, so…

Now we march on in the race for third which could see us finish second if everything went our way. We will make it difficult, we will cry, bitch and moan and we will get there. We are the Arsenal!

Last up is the announcement of the financial results for last year. Last year! Typical bloody Arsenal! What about this year? The money-men are as bad as the medical team, if you ask me. David Dein would give us the figures for the next ten years, if he were still at the club. The whole thing is a shambles.

That is all from me for this week. Thank you for reading.

Up the Arsenal!